My teenage girls hate each other

[troubleddad1705]

I have 2 girls, the oldest is 19 years old and the youngest 17. They despise each other despite being joined at the hip up until perhaps 1 years ago. At that time the youngest met a guy that is horrible, he continually breaks up with her and she runs back. This guy has dumped her in the city late at night without her having any means to get back. She did not tell us anything but my oldest daughter knew and told us. I then accidentally let out that I knew and with their only being one possible source, the fighting started. This is not the only reason they have fought.

The youngest's boyfriend lowers her self esteem and has done a great job of separating her from us and her sister.

I need some way to get them back together. I tried speaking to both at the same time saying this can not go on but that made it worse, they screamed at each other and one said "you are not my sister" and the other "I hope you die". Lovely things for parents to hear.

My wife and I are really struggling with this. We have done counselling but that did not help so much. We have actually split up for a few days due to disagreeing on the way to deal with the problem.

The way it is now, they will end up not up as siblings and that is not acceptable for us.

Please help if you can, if you have experienced the same thing. Just getting them together and talking to them about the situation was a disaster.

Thanks

Sounds quite normal to me .

My girls were the same, but they do love each other. Even now in their 30s they still fall out over stupid things and sometimes not so stupid things!

The fact that the eldest told you her sister had been left alone late at night shows she cares, if she didn't she wouldn't have told you.

I'd leave them to get on with it, let them know your there for both of them but let them sort out their differences between them, they're both still young.

It sound like the boyfriend is trouble, again be there for your daughter when it all goes wrong. Hopefully it won't be too long before she realises what an idiot he is!

I don't think you intervene at all. The 19yo is a legal adult, the 17yo nearly is. They need to sort it out for themselves and you trying to force it before they are ready will make things worse not better. When me and my sisters were 19, 17 and 15 we all fought like cats all the time and the house became very unpleasant. It's normal. Once we had all left home and weren't on top of each other all the time and felt able to be ourselves rather than forced into a family dynamic we had outgrown, we started all getting on much better and now we're all in our 30's we get on really well.

I'm more concerned about the self-esteem issues of your younger dd and I hope you can help her there, but do not try to force your DDs back together before they are ready.