Advice please! What times appropriate for a 16 yr old girl to stay out to at night?

[Heather67]

We have a DD aged 16 and half...we live in a small town where everyone knows everyone else. DD has a boyfriend of 18, nice lad, no problems, they've been going out for almost a year...but it does mean she's mixing with a slightly older crowd.

She's been asked to out out to a local club with them as a group...club closes at 4am..so what's reasonable time to come home?? On the one hand we think she's still only 16 and 1 or 2 am is more than reasonable, on the other hand we can see she doesn't want to be seen as the baby of the group that has to leave earlier than the others....bit 4 am, really??

Thanks for any advice on his or times you let your D's stay out to!

I'll be honest, and I suspect many on here will disagree with me, but I have a 17 year old daughter who is doing A-levels atm and during term time I would definitely be putting a curfew of 1am on her. I would also, it has to be said, have serious reservations about allowing a 16 year old to go to a club that is presumably a licensed premises which is not intended for under 18s although obviously I don't know if this is the case for the club your daughter is invited to. DD did go to a few parties during the summer holidays but we picked her up or arranged for a taxi and she was always home by 1am (her choice). But, as I say, my viewpoint is likely to be a minority one on here.

Thanks....it's a fair point about it being licences premises, it will be though to date she has shown no interest in alcohol. We live in holland at the moment and culturally they seem to be more liberal about such things and that seems to be where some of the peer pressure is coming from...though frankly I struggle with some aspects.... that's probably a whole new thread on cultural differences and teens! She doesn't go out often and we would usually pick her up or another parent would for safety etc.

I'm surprised about your comment on potentially being in the minority...I'm fairly new to mumsnet so not posted/read too much....putting aside the club aspect, 1am does feel late enough for her age to be out, but from your comment it sounds like others on here think later is ok...am curious to see what others say.

Appreciate your perspective, thanks.

On the other hand though putting a curfew on he means she's likely to break it? When was the last time you left a party early- it's tough to have the willpower to say to your peers im going now!

The other thing is getting home. I'd rather she came home at 4am with the group, than 1am on her own, or even just with the boyfriend.

I'd be inclined to let her come home when everyone else does. On condition-

1. It's a one off. If she wants to go out regularly it will be 1am curfew.

1. If she goes anywhere other than the prearranged places, she texts or phones.
2. If she's going to be after 4.30am, she texts or phones to let you know what time.
3. She texts or phones at any point if she needs picking up, or is worried, or feels in any way vulnerable.

I guess the reason I said that is because you do see a lot of posters on here who seem to believe that once your child is 16 they should be allowed to do whatever the hell they want. My belief is that a 16 year old still needs boundaries and although where you set them is obviously a matter for discussion with them than it would be with say, a 12 year old, it is still your job to be the parent. In your case, I don't know what the cultural norms are in Holland but I would probably as Micah suggests focus on the how and who with she gets home and having some agreed communication strategy. Partly depends on the friends too - do they drink? are they likely to drink and drive? Does she have a way of getting home independently if she is uncomfortable with the situation?

Thanks both, it's helpful to read others perspectives. In the end we've agreed that she can go but comes back at 2am this time as a one off and dad picks her up....plus she's to call if she wants or needs to go early. We know the group that she is going with and although the 18 year olds drink, they are all on bicycles and seem to be sensible with it.

It was actually helpful to share this page keith her and that there are various perspectives on this...helped her to appreciate that!