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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Asking for rent from my 18 year old?

19 replies

mater2 · 03/10/2014 14:11

Hi,
I have a son who will be 18 soon. He has been working full time for some months. When he is 18 I told him that I thought he should be paying rent (a nominal one rather than commercial rent). He was appalled! His job is hard and his pay quite low BUT I feel he should pay something for his food, washing/ironing,travel pass and phone. He says none of his friends pay rent.

Is he right, are we being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Spidertracker · 03/10/2014 14:18

You are right, if heis working full time he should give you money.
We (my siblings and I ) used give mum and dad a third of our wages. They said that was fair a third in rent, a third to save a third to spend. I shall ask for the same when the time comes.
That said I never gave my mum any money from part time jobs while I was still studying. So if his friends are still at college this could be the difference.

Original poster
mater2 · 03/10/2014 14:55

Thanks for your reply. Yes, most of his friends are still at school and if he was, I wouldn't be expecting payment . I was thinking he could pay a quarter of his earnings as rent.

OP posts:
TarkaTheOtter · 03/10/2014 14:59

Rent aside, he should be paying for his phone and travel pass, do his own washing and contribute to cooking if not stocking the fridge.

wintersdawn · 03/10/2014 15:00

We did when we were kids, so soon as we got full time jobs we got the first couple of months to ourselves then it was about £80 a month I think and I suspect most of it was saved and used to help us start our first homes but it really helped us get used to budgeting etc.

secretsquirrels · 03/10/2014 16:43

Even if you just put it in the bank for him later it would still help him to learn how to budget.
When I was 18 I paid 1/3 of the household outgoings. Actually too much in my opinion but some contribution is reasonable from a DC in full time paid work.

Nonotthatagain · 03/10/2014 18:12

My DS took a year out between College and going to Uni this year and he worked full time on minimum wage and paid rent - he didn't expect to do anything else, my DD (18) is now having a year out and working but not full time and she is paying the same again without any argument. DH & I had told them that was what we expected and so that's what has happened.

wooooosualsuspect · 03/10/2014 18:17

Make him pay for his own travel and phone. I wouldn't make him pay rent though.

I would just stop buying him anything.

MexicanSpringtime · 03/10/2014 18:23

I definitely think you are right don't do as I do, do as I say. I think it helps them mature and become more independent. I have a friend with a 36 year old who doesn't think he should contribute to any of the household expenses.

eatyourveg · 03/10/2014 18:43

we made ds pay the equivalent of what we would have got in child benefit plus one fifth of the utilities bills seeing as he is one of 5

Heyho111 · 04/10/2014 01:48

Why are you paying for his phone and travel pass ?
If his wage is very low I can understand not asking for rent but he must pay for everything else. Car, clothes, phone, travel etc. and that should have started from first pay packet.
He can iron his own clothes.

Hairylegs47 · 04/10/2014 02:05

No matter how small the amount, he needs to be contributing to the house. He may be appalled, but if you sit down with him, show him how much you pay for utilities etc, he'll be appalled at how little he actually contributes. If he isn't appalled, charge him more! Sounds daft, but if you don't, you'll only encourage a sense if 'entitlement'.
Our eldest son only paid £10 a week when he started work as he only earned £30. When he got a new job of £120, he argued he couldn't afford any more as he had to pay travel etc. like mugs we agreed! His next job saw him earning £900 a month, he upped his 'contribution' to £15 a week. His attitude when at home got worse and worse, he demanded all sorts. So we sat him down, with said bills and he worked out he should be paying nearer £80 a month - we reckoned it was more £120. As he could get a house share for £60 - with bills excluded - he decided to move out! How could we expect him to live in our awful house, paying over £100 a month and get egg and chips for his tea? Didn't we realise how 'lucky' we were to have him stay in our house, 'helping' us with his contribution? It all came to a head when we found out he'd been 'taking back' part of his board from his younger siblings. We gave him 6 weeks notice. He left 5 weeks and 5 days later, told everyone we'd thrown him out.

MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday · 05/10/2014 23:56

Yes he should pay rent. DS1 (21 now) has been paying a token (£150 a month) rent out of his wages since he left school and got a full time job. He's a support worker so not well paid, but it's still hell of a lot less than a rent of a room/flat would be, and considering he has food, heat, internet etc , it's a small rent to pay!

I think it is really important that they learn that once working, life isn;t free!!! I use DS1's contribution towards the household bills but also if his old car goes wrong I pay for it out of that, so he does well really!

LeftRightCentre · 06/10/2014 00:00

I never lived in a place as an adult where a person skivvied for me doing my ironing, washing and cooking. Stop enabling him and making him believe this is what women do.

He is very lucky you can afford to keep him. A lot of people could not afford to fund all that for an adult child after they lose tax credit and child benefit, especially a phone and travel pass.

itsbetterthanabox · 06/10/2014 00:14

Is he saving to move out of for uni? I think if so don't take rent.

itsbetterthanabox · 06/10/2014 00:16

I meant to say 'or for uni' like saving for uni or saving for a deposit or something?

Babiecakes11 · 06/10/2014 00:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Butterflywings168 · 06/10/2014 01:49

YANBU. Ask for rent, even a token amount - it's not about the amount, it's about teaching them budgeting principles.
When I moved back in with DM after uni and got my first 'real' shitty office admin job, I paid for my own travel, phone etc ie general expenses, I wouldn't have dreamed of asking her for money. I paid her a token amount, £50-100ish a month I think, for food and bills. Did my share of chores,.
I definitely did my own ironing but have not ironed my clothes since 2009!
He is an adult, he needs to contribute to the household, whether financially/ otherwise.

ChillySundays · 06/10/2014 14:05

He needs to pay something. My DD finished college and was working part time on minimum wage and still paid me £15 per week. Her hours were erratic so we worked it out on a lower number of hours than it would some weeks. She was 18 and a half and paying for petrol and car tax. I carried on paying her mobile for six months as that was when the contract ran out and then car insurance.
She is training for promotion and I have told her when she starts getting paid the higher rate I will be looking to increase her keep

Original poster
mater2 · 08/10/2014 11:57

Many thanks for all your comments. I appreciate your advice and your time. Plenty of food for thought.

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