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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

12 yr old DD, moody as f***

27 replies

annabanana19 · 26/09/2014 22:41

Where has the happy girl I had gone!?

Grunts, slams doors, says hello in passing. Does her homework, happy in school (thankfully). Talented footballer, would play it all day.

grounded her the other day for giving me lip. Totally unreasonable over a silly thing. Has 3 friends in our small village and although theyre not bad kids her attitude towards things have changed.

Periods not started but I'm hoping once they do her moods will get better?!

Its 28 yrs since I was 12 so I cant remember how it was!

Please tell me im not alone.make me feel better.

OP posts:

Original poster

annabanana19 · 26/09/2014 22:42

And ive also taken her ipod and mobile off her. That hurts ??

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 26/09/2014 22:44

I have the male version. He's like a big toddler sometimes. The most innocuous questions 'Have you got much homework? or What time is football training? Get met with a meltdown.

Luckily I have a 15 year old one too so I know this is all a phase.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/09/2014 22:46

Read 'Divas and Doorslammers' - the author (Charlie Something - sorry, it is late and my memory is terrible) - he explains how adolescents' brains are actually changing and restructuring, so they lose certain abilities - like empathy - like a temporary form of brain damage, almost.

But it does come back - that is the positive thing - when the brain changes settle down, they get the things they've lost back.
we had some terrible times with ds3 (his older brothers were far less trouble, and mum told me it was only fair that I had one difficult one - thanks mum!) in his early and middle teens, but now he is 17 and a lot better - more self-motivating with regards to school work, better at controlling his temper, and back to a loving person.

Dwerf · 26/09/2014 22:48

I think they tend to, or at least the moodiness gets concentrated to one week a month. (handy hint, don't ask a teenage girl if they are hormonal, last time I did that my dd screamed "I am NOT hormonal!" at me and then stomped off in a hormonal huff). She's 13. The 11 is definitely more moody than she was.

On the flipside, the former 12 year old she-devil is now a wonderful 21 year old and has been for a few years now.

You are not alone. This is normal. It will pass.

Sparklingbrook · 26/09/2014 22:49

YY SDTG I think DS1 is definitely coming out the other side a bit now. I found it all baffling.

Another good book is 'Get Out of My Life: But First Take Me and Alex Into Town'.

Dwerf · 26/09/2014 22:49

*11 year old.

Also, best advice I heard? A teenager is a toddler with ten years experience.

jonicomelately · 26/09/2014 22:51

My 12 year old DS can be a nightmare but he's deftness also makes me laugh so I try to focus on that.

Original poster

annabanana19 · 26/09/2014 22:51

Oh thank you! So its just a few years I have of this moody bitchyness??!

Sparkling - its the same with the questions. She says "why you asking? Why do you need to know?!" Ill nicely give her the riot act tomorrow when its just the 2 of us on route to a football match. She's not the same girl when she's on the pitch but once we get back.home...my god.

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Fav · 26/09/2014 22:51

I have a dd like this, she sounds very similar to your dd.

I was a delightful teenager, never gave my parents any grief. I hoped it would be an inherited trait. Sadly it's not.

CurlyWurlyCake · 26/09/2014 22:53

Oh yes, not only is my lovely girl mody she is also down right annoying and comes out with the most ridiculous things.

I'm hoping it will pass

She did start her periods last year though.

ChippingInLatteLover · 26/09/2014 22:55

I have a lot of sympathy for you

But, it's a difficult age. Their bodies & their brains are changing so much, the vast majority of the time, they really can't help how they feel, let alone react. Try to think of her as a large, overtired toddler.

A few years ago I kept going through stages of feeling absolute rage, nothing anyone said or did was right, they were ALL so fucking annoying... then it FINALLY dawned on me, it was a couple of days before my period each month. PMT. Fucking awful. THANKFULLY after a few months it settled down, but it gives me even more empathy with teens.

I honestly think they just can't help it.

Of course, you have to put a lid on some of it as you can't allow them to treat their sibling or you terribly, but I would try to be understanding and I would try to make their 'consequences' things that will benefit them or someone else. So, early nights, not going to sleep overs, cooking the family meal, doing something nice for a sibling, restricting the hours that technology can be used (ie nothing after 9, rather than taking things off of them). Basically things that mean they eat and sleep better and show some consideration, rather than just punishment (removing ipads, phones etc).

Plus for you and 'this too shall pass' on a loop!

Coolas · 26/09/2014 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklingbrook · 26/09/2014 22:58

I honestly think they just can't help it.

I would agree with that. I know I can't blame periods on my two DS's behaviour but they can go from reasonable to being peeled off the ceiling just by me asking a question or saying something really normal.

liveoutloud · 27/09/2014 02:54

Long before I had my kids I read an article about teens and the woman said something like I really love my child but I do not like him. I could not understand what she meant and though it was really harsh for a mother to say that. I did not know until my kids became teens. Now, I still do not say things like this but I think them all the time.

differentnameforthis · 27/09/2014 04:51

'Divas and Doorslammers' Why do we need to refer to hormonal girls as divas?

They are battling with hormones, emotions, probably friendships & so much more, and someone has to use a derogatory term in order to sell a book!

Urgh!

Then there is the Princess Bitchface book. Urgh again!

My daughter is 11 & is prone to out bursts. I don't think she is a diva, just a kid who is overwhelmed by bodily/mood changes.

I don't see boys being labelled as such.

Original poster

annabanana19 · 27/09/2014 08:10

Thank you all. If I drank I would drink ghat wine given above but I'm 7 days away from a half marathon so I'm teetotal!

1st rant this morning. She came in for a ponytail (really thick hair and wants it well from her face/neck for a footy match). Id just put on my face cream so my hands were a bit slimy. "Eurgh your hands are greasy. Dont touch my hair!"..... to which I replied "look at it. Its like a chip pan!"

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 27/09/2014 08:14

Noo. Don't reply like that-you are inviting discussion. The reply should be 'ok' then carry on with what you were doing.

Original poster

annabanana19 · 27/09/2014 08:20

I know! But im stressed. 3 footy matches. 45 travelling to 1. Kids wont get up. DH needs to put air into his flat tyre!!!

I need a run! X

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differentnameforthis · 27/09/2014 08:24

"look at it. Its like a chip pan!" You said that, about her hair?

ChippingInLatteLover · 27/09/2014 08:45

I don't think there's anything wrong with saying 'It's like a chip pan' if it looks greasy and horrible. However, she wouldn't be going out the house like that if she lived here.

However, if you say things like that, rather than 'Please go and have a shower and wash your hair, then I'll put it up for you' you are just fueling the fire of her moods.

It might be a good idea to get up earlier and go for a run, then at least you'll feel less stressy to start with :)

Sparklingbrook · 27/09/2014 10:17

Sometimes you have to not engage. Since that dawned on me it has been easier.
I do say 'I am not discussing this any further until you have done X'.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/09/2014 10:31

Differentname - I have given the book away now, so can't remember exactly, but I saw 'Divas and Doorslammers' as being descriptions of behaviour, rather than being attributed to a particular gender.

The language may not be exemplary in feminist terms - but if it helps embattled parents of stroppy teenagers to understand their child, surely that is the most important thing? Or should we ignore a potentially helpful resource because the title is a bit crass?

Sparklingbrook · 27/09/2014 10:46

YY don't worry about the title of the book. If in fact you have a diva or a doorslammer the contents may help....

differentnameforthis · 27/09/2014 11:28

Sorry....I didn't mean for the point I made about the book to take away from the discussion...I was just thinking out loud really! The title just struck me as odd, that's all. Painting no more than little girls ad divas, which is essentially a name that is used to berate a demanding female actor/singer & paint them as a spoiled little madam.

ssd · 27/09/2014 19:51

I dont think telling a teenage girl their hair is like a chip pan is going to help matters.....

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