I have a 16 yr old son, he is my only child, although I have 3 step children.
He has been increasingly difficult over the last 9 months or so. Last night he tried to smash the wifi router by aiming it out of the window and tried to get our puppy whom we have had for 3 weeks to escape into the road. He has told me to "go kill myself". He wants an illegal butterfly knife. He is part of a group that is bullying an ex friend on facebook. The content of which states that this bullied boy should kill himself amongst other things.
He told me last night he wants to leave home but only stays because he can't earn any money. He refuses to do any paid or voluntary part time work stating that such things are "beneath him". He is shockingly arrogant. He states anyone who has feelings or doesn't vote for a far right political party are "scum" and deserve to die.
Ironically, he did very well in his GCSE's and seems obsessed with his education. He has stated that I have to pay for a tutor for him and pay for everything he wants to concentrate on his education. He says he shouldn't have to clean up after himself and I should work harder to pay our cleaner to do more hours.
He does, however, do the limited amount of chores, despite this attitude.
He doesn't do anything apart from sit in front of his pc that he built at age 14. He spent 10 weeks refusing to leave his room this summer, stating I should allow him to do whatever he wants as this holiday will be the longest he will ever have. He has got round all wifi and router software controls and now we have to ensure that we remove the router at night and ensure that our neighbours turn their routers off too as he was tapping into those (our neighbours are our family).
He is VERY angry that I take the router away at 10pm every night and sites this as the cause of his anger and any failures in his life. When he is on the computer he shouts very loudly in anger and smashes his fists on the desk. I am a bundle of nerves at home because of this.
He has recently starting saying he can hear a strange noise at night in the wall in his bedroom. It only happens at night when we have gone to bed, apparently.
My mother is a paranoid schizophrenic and other family members have suffered with mental illness and I am very scared this behaviour is the start of schizophrenia.
He doesn't smoke or do drugs (that I know of) but I can't leave him the house in the evenings because he states he wants to invite his friends round and get drunk.
When does it stop being "normal" teenage behaviour and when does it cross over to something more serious?
I asked him last night if he would consider family counselling and he refused.
I have taken the approach of talking to him, praising him for the positives and keeping the boundary of removing the wifi. I try and encourage him to do other things and support his education. I seem to be having more and more "chats" with him but his behaviour seems to be getting worse. He just goes quiet and refuses to talk when I try and talk to him when he is calm. When he is angry, he is just nasty.
Do I need outside help? Will it get better? Am I taking the right approach? Should I be firmer and restrict the luxuries he gets? Or give him more freedom and allow him to take more control of his own life and learn by his mistakes?
I am feeling incredibly hurt and frustrated. I was very close to him when he was growing up and I was a single Mum. I've been with my partner since he was 10 and my partner is very good with my DS, he was great talking with him last night and trying to calm him and support him.
I just don't know where to go from here.