Advice needed on DC seeing very ill Aunt.

[gingerhobo48]

I'm not sure I should take them, I'm not sure she will live.They haven't seen her for about 5 yrs (we're estranged) so they have no real relationship with her as such.She has had a brain haemorrhage following a fall.My kids are 15 (DD) and 12 (DS). I took my daughter up to see her last Thursday once I found out she was in hospital but she slept through our visit.DD was visibly shaken but DSis looks worse now.I don't know what to do for the best.Today she has been heavily sedated and intubated, I don't know if the end is coming.I could ask them, give them the choice, I just don't want to put those images in their heads(I keep seeing her) but then I think I am being selfish.When she was awake and trying to speak, last Thurs, she said she wanted to see them, well I asked and she nodded.I haven't been too well over weekend and haven't been able to get up there.Today, her condition has worsened as the tube that is draining her brain keeps blocking because she has liver problems.I am going to ask DH (he hasn't seen her yet)Do you think I should take them?

No, I wouldn't, in light of the fact that they don't have a relationship with her and it will probably be a very upsetting experience.

I would leave the decision to them but fully explain hat they are likely to see and how frightening it may be. Tell them that they can change their mind at any time and leave the room if its too much. Chances are they might want to go but it may be to support you as much as anything. Let them know that if this is the case then they could do this in other ways as well.

Thank you, that's helpful.If I were to take anyone it would be DD as she is older and DSis always went on about her(to detriment of DS and one of reasons I went NC)when we did used to see her.

Didn't see other post (sorry) Yes, that is part of reason DD wants to go, to support me and understand my sadness.I think DS is too young and may get upset, she doesn't look anything like how she used to as she's lost so much weight and it's an open ward with very sick people.Thank you.

I would explain to DD that aunt looks worse than last time and ask if she wants to go. You could also say that you love the fact that she wants to support you but you understand that this is not easy and will be just as happy that if she doesn't want to go.

Perhaps the way to support you is to stay home and look after DS

Yes that's a good idea, I'll do that.

Why take her at all? Your aunt won't know she's there; if she's been intubated then she will effectively be unconscious. DD might want to go to support you and it might be a valuable life experience for her so those might be good reasons to take her if she wants to go, but if DDs not sure I'd err on the side of not taking her.

PurpleWithRed, I'm going to hold off for the moment.She is still intubated and not really opening her eyes or aware of me and BIL being there.I guess I am worrying she may die not having seen her neice/nephew which I know she wants (BIL has said) Hopefully she will improve and be able to see them.