I didn't handle it well - 15 yo DS came out on FB

[sanityseeker75]

Posted in LGBT Children as well as am really struggling.
I woke up to a strange text message from my best friend, made me look at facebook and I saw that he had told everyone that he was bisexual.

I went into his room and he just said "ah facebook". I did not handle it well. I just burst into tears and told him I so so hurt that he told the world before he told me. That he was leaving for school and I had to get ready for work so he wasn't even giving me the chance to talk to him about it properly. He said he was scared to tell me, I told him it wasn't his sexual references that bothered me it was the fact that he had done it through facebook and then his answer was "well I thought you would be ok" so to scared to tell me but thought I would be ok with a public announcement?

I now feel that I have turned it into being more about me and my feelings when I am just scared that he has outted himself on sodding fb and is setting himself up for hurt from people at school.

This is his final year at school and he has enough to deal with studying for GCSE without extra pressure for himself. He said people at school knew anyway.

Just feel so out of my depth with him and so hurt that he felt he couldn't talk to me but does this make me selfish?

Deep breath! It's his sexuality to deal with as he wishes.

You are right it is about him and his feelings. Yours have to become secondary . THat's hard but you CAN do it.

y'know what kids today really are not fussed at all by the LGBT .Anti bullying policies are present in schools and homophobia is up there with racism in "we do NOT tolerate" list.

He's done this to take the pressure off " keeping a secret" I reckon.

After school. Got out for a cake or something and talk. Tell him you are sorry, you over reacted because you are worried about how others might treat him that's all.THat you love him and always will if he's into boys, girls or what ever ! Maybe explore respect and consent, and that at 15 he is below the age of consent and what that means.

Thank you. I know that this should be all about him and I genuinely am ok with him being bisexual I was just so upset at the way he went about it.

Part of his facebook status was about sick of being bullied because he was bisexual so what he sees as standing up for himself I see as inflammatory and setting himself up for more hurt.

I text him to say whist I was sad this morning about how he had gone about things I was proud of him for sticking u for himself. I have asked him to text me at lunch so I know he is but also to meet me after school.

We have talked about safe sex. It was only early this year his friend (girl) and him had asked me to get them condoms so we had the talk about consent and under age and how friends with benefits often results in someone getting hurt and attached. I found that he had been watching porn (straight) last year on his phone and talked to him about it and that was ok as well. He knows that I feel as long as sex is consensual between 2 adults then it is ok and now suddenly there is this swerve ball.

Sanity you sound like you have a fantastic relationship with your son :)

This clearly isn't about sexuality at all is it? It's about Bullying. That is never OK and homophobic bullying is some of the worst.

You can now deal with the bullying. Simples !

Yeah I know simples , not! But you know the problem and that's the first step to dealing with it isn't it?

Thank you again Theas18 I hope he texts me back and your right - I think that it is the bullying or the thought that he is labelling himself and other people will bully him because of it that hurts so much.

I will speak to him and see what reaction he has had today and how we can handle the reactions together. If he was a few years older I would have been happier about the public acknowledgement because I know that once out of school most people are not that bothered about someone's sexuality. I just want him to have a good life and be happy.

Hope you'll keep us updated ( pm me if you want) as I shall be thinking of you both later today.