Daughter convinced step sister is copying her.

[openthewineplease]

Hi, any thoughts and advice are welcome please, my dd is convinced her stepsister, is copying her. They are the same age, and dsd lives with us.

But surely its just a case of being into the same things, fashion music etc. ??

I have noticed one instance of a pair of trainers being the same make/style but different colour .(which my dd had also wanted to buy.)

My dd is getting quite upset, i have said to not let it bother her, and to maybe stop pointing out things she likes.

I dont want to be taking sides, i honestly dont think it is being done intentionally or with malice.

dd is very sensitive, and dsd is quite easy going and thick skinned.

Just wondering what others would do, intervene, any words of wisdom, or just see if it sorts itself out. ??

Thanks in advance.

how old?

Sorry, they are both 15.

It is because they are the same age and like the same fashions. It happens in my house between my 2 sons.

DS1 (19) has just bought a pair of trainers in black, DS2 is (17) is buying the same trainers in grey. If there is a new style of something that comes out and they are both desperate for it, it is a race to who gets there first. Usually DS1 because he has more money! My kids share their clothes, tbh. DS1 often goes out in DS2's shirt or vice versa.

Would your DD think her friends were copying her if they bought the same trainers, but different colours, etc? I personally think she is being a bit daft, tbh. I look at kids now and most of them look like they are clones of each other with what they are wearing.

It probably is just that they are both into the stuff that is in fashion for their age.
If your DD is sensitive she might be just reading a little bit more into just a genuine thing on DSD's side of "I like those trainers - I think I'll get some in a different colour" if it was malicious I think you would notice eg DSD always desperate to get things before your DD and then pretend to friends that she was copying her, that type of thing.
Even if there is a mild imitation happening in a non malicious way, it is just testament to your DD's good taste

Yes, she would think her friends where copying, yet you are right they are all clones, it is crazy.

I do say if she wants to be an indvidual, then dont follow the fashion !!

My first instinct is to say that your dd doesn't have the monopoly on high fashion items, and I doubt she would make the same fuss if it were one of her friends.

This is probably more to do with her feeling forced into sharing her life with a girl the same age, and the feelings of competition that come along with that.
That's not to say I think your daughter is competitive or jealous, but just that it naturally diminishes some of her individualism and autonomy within the household.

I think her feelings are understandable, but not to be encouraged.

Oh I see...she would complain of the same from a friend.
Well like you say, if she wants to be different, she has to put more effort into it, than buying into the latest fad and expecting to own it.

Can you get her to see it as a compliment?

Are you and your daughter both living with DSD's dad? This happened in my family and my mum pointed out that whilst I was annoyed with copying, I was living with my stepsister's dad and that couldn't be so nice for her.

Hi yes we are all living together, my dd has been to me again about this morning, I have a gut feeling its not going to pass over, only maybe get worse, deeper feelings are at play havnt spoken to dh about it, as I will be damned from one side or the other, just tried to listen to and placate my dd, always thought they got on well in the past. DSD has been with us 2 years now.