Cyber Bullying- Depressed Teen

[Clara66]

After a couple of years of hell (DD has depression, has OD'd twice, SH'd, plus has a chronic health condition) we have had such a wonderful summer including fantastic GCSE results despite her problems and terrible school attendance. Now She has decided to get away from school and go to college.

I so thought life was on the up. Then last week one of her closest friends from school held a party - after inviting DD she changed her mind and withdrew the invitation (DD was removed from group chat along with another girl who had also decided to go to college). Girl told DD that party was cancelled - only For DD to see party tweets/photos coming through on FB/twitter etc. Not being able to leave things alone, DD asked why she had been left out. Her social media (snapchat I think) was then inundated with photos from kids at the party saying things like 'we're partying, having fab time', 'We're here too' - and even the dog 'sent' a photo saying 'even I've been invited' (if it wasn't so heartbreaking I would laugh). One of the kids at the party later told DD about what went on, who were the ring leaders, etc. one of the ring leaders was a kid my DD hardly knew. One girl, a 'close friend', said she didn't care if DD OD'd again.

DD and friend from college were hit hard - DD SH'd for first time in ages, but with lots of love and cuddles I thought we were getting through it. Other friends have been very supportive. Then last night someone either knew her FB password (obviously not ideal but there's teenagers for u) or hacked into her account. Some of the comments put on her status were vile - accusing her of all sorts of stuff and plastering social media with screen shots of private message conversations my DD had had with other friends (if I'm honest DD is not miss perfect, some of these conversations were of a sexual nature, but were not malicious or gossip, more about herself).

Of course we've now changed passwords etc, but where do I go from here? My DD is devastated and genuinely seems bewildered why these kids should have turned on her.

Do I contact old school, friends' parents, or police? Her AD meds are about to increase but she is in a very low mood. I'm scared for her and so angry that her closest friends who know her problems are doing this.

Would really appreciate any constructive advice. Apologies for length of this message, but it feels good to let it all out!

Teenage girls can be so vile its unbelievable . DD has had similar issues and been outcast many times for no reason. Reports these girls and encourage DD to write things that will make them think its bot bothering her .DD wrote things like "so excited for tonight" and others .This frustrated the nasty girls who then started sucking up DD ignored their messages . It is heartbreaking but your DD will soon be starting a new chapter and meet real friends . I know its not ideal playing mind games but worked for us ;-) .
In regards to reporting its a tricky one when DD was being cyber bullied police just advised blocking them all and said they would intervene if there was threats of violence or persistent abuse . If you knew who had hacked her account you could but tricky to know.I'd mention to parents if you know them well but i believe this enpowers the bully more to know they are making DD so down . I would advise the school though.

Thanks Lucy, hadn't thought of that approach. Will have a chat with DD and will talk to the school tomorrow. X

I would collect the taunting FB posts and forward them to the ringleaders' parents, to their school, new college or place of work. I'd have no qualms at all about getting vicious people into deep trouble. If my DC or anyone I taught or employed were ever involved in cyber-bullying another person, I'd want to know.

Most of all, your DD needs ways to discover there is light at the end of this tunnel. It is good (in a way) that they uninvited another college girl. That shows they are insecure about people who have the confidence to leave the small clique. I am 100% sure without meeting them that these girls are really jealous of your DD's exam results.

DS1 was very badly bullied at primary. When there was no way out, I asked him: do you like their behaviour? Do you respect it? Has it altered your opinion of your previous best friend? What has you ex friend lost from behaving this way towards you? This sort of question helped him to see that the bullies were losing out and that he was in charge of his own opinions and judgements about them. It did help to cheer him up.

Help her not to catastrophise the situation. It was one party. Can't have been that much fun if they spent the whole time FBing. People really having fun don't feel the need to announce it to the world every two minutes.

Last thing is that she needs some strong armour against this happening at college. Can she do an assertiveness training course somewhere? Or some CBT? (I'm always advertising CBT on MN but it helped me so much after years of trying other things. It just makes you mentally strong and happier.)

And tell her well done in her exams! for her.

Love Lucy's idea of posting wonderful things on FB instead of going quiet. May be playing a game but who cares? If it makes your DD feel better, do it.
Zero response to them would be a good tool. I know an adult who was bullied in a group and just never responded. very cool and powerful response. Better than my idea of telling parents, though you could tell a white lie and say: DD was very cool about this and just thought it was petty but I thought it was the kind of public behaviour you might not encourage at school/in your home.

If it ever happens again, make sure she does something better that night, something they could only dream of doing.

It really works as the little cows were obviously pissed off she was doing something and not crying at home.So they all started saying "sorry we love you blah blah" she didn't respond but instantly had the upper hand. Even now they suck up all over her pics "beautiful baby text me " etc blerrgghhh vile little shits! And still message her now asking to meet but DD has moved on . Just a few "OMG last night was so funny" "so excited " and a few "ohhhh beef " "gossip much" anything thst will get their little minds ticking and knowing shes not dwelling!