13 year old worrying, getting upset

[starfish4]

Our DD has never been one for getting upset and during younger years we rarely saw tears (ie every 1-2 years). However, in the holidays she had a couple of times when she was really worrying, wanting to be cuddled constantly, was very tearful and while feeling like this (3-4 days) didn't want much to eat. When she feels like this she doesn't know what she wants to do, but will join in if we suggest playing a game or going on a bike ride.

Her concerns seem to be starting fast track French, worrying the pressure will be on in Year 9, not wanting to be like the other girls who she feels are only interested in imagine and their mobile phones - whereas she'd like to do other things with them like riding a bike, playing a game, something like ice skating, art and talk about them - she also wants to hear what other fun things others have been doing. She has nice friends, but they can never plan anything without bickering and usually one dropping out and I know this gets to her. She just accepts what's arranged and then they have days are arguing over what they do, over whose can/can't go. She's also worried about how the world is going to change with technology and if it will take over the world, ie we'll all be communicating with tablets/phones whereas she'd rather see people face to face and do something with them. I think we're about to go into another phase of her being upset as she wanted to cuddle up last night on the settee and looked like she'd been crying when she got up. One of her friends had been moaning yesterday she was taking up too much room on the pavement, so whether this has anything to do with it?

We're trying to listen and support her. Half wondering if it's her hormones but don't want to just assume it's that. She says she hasn't got a problem at home and is happy to look like she does (even though she acknowledges she has spots) rather than being something she's not.

Has anyone got any advice? We don't want to make a bit issue out of it and suggest she goes to the doctor unless it continues. We've said if she feels like this at school, not to be afraid to speak to a tutor or her Head of Year (who she really likes).

Has she started her periods? My daughter was super clingy to me in the lead up to that. I know when she's due on because she gets very very clingy for a couple of days beforehand.

No, she hasn't, that's why I'm half thinking it could be hormones as it's happening every 2-3 weeks (not saying hers will be, but my periods were every two weeks when I started). I don't think she can be too far off. Obviously going to keep an eye on her just in case it's more though.

My daughter has only had them for six months, and she has just turned 14. For about six weeks before she was having anxiety attacks, crying, sleeping with the light on,and super clingy.

Thanks. Not that I wish it on any of them, but it's good to know she's not the only one.

I would get her some counselling immediately. Whatever is or is not happening to her you cannot help her. Get some professional help to do the assessment, and you as a mother, just love her and listen to her, when she wants to talk you.
Speaking out of personal experience.

In my opinion and based on my daughters it's quite normal, growing up, things becoming more serious with school work and future. This made mine anxious about unusual things, my youngest thought her mood swings were down to mental illness and became worried about this. They start seeing the world differently but lack maturity to put things into context. I just sit mine down and try to take a calm common sense approach which has worked for me. Good luck

I also thought that this is normal and that my daughter just needs some space, until I found out that she was cutting and talking about suicide I am sorry, I do not want to scare you but these things happen when you least expect them, better safe than sorry.

I agree with liveoutloud. Seeing a counselor, even once or twice, may be helpful. I wouldn't automatically blame it on hormones. Children that age of both sexes become more aware of state of the world around them and how it affects them. They are also under pressure to plan their entire lives out by their schools. A little worrying, fear, or frustration is normal, but your DD seems to be overwhelmed by things & not sure what to do about it. There are so many things that, no matter how much we make ourselves available to them, they just won't tell us. Perhaps her friends are beginning to 'freeze her out' or are 'ganging up' on her as girls that age are wont to do. Perhaps she feels she wants new friends that share more of her interests but doesn't know how to go about it.

It's so hard, isn't it? They aren't little children anymore that we can kiss away their hurts, but they aren't adults either who understand and can reason their problems out.

I would agree about a counsellor. I was extremely anxious as a teenager and would lie awake at night worrying about all manner of things. My mum arranged some CBT counselling to help me learn how to cope with all of the worrying thoughts I was having. It was very useful.

Thank you for your replies. Things have been a bit more settled. Not saying it will solve the problem, but she's been asking to take up a new hobby and wants to re-join Guides (pulled out last year). She seems happier in herself, is looking forward to the new actitivies and I think it will do her good to get out of the house more and meet others. She does have some nice friends, but they are always bickering and not very active - whereas I think she'd like to do more physical stuff. Obviously we will keep an eye on her and I'm well aware that if the problem is still there, we need extra help.

my dd is 13 and since the divorce she has started having anxiety problems and this year they are impacting her school work...her concentration is really bad this yr. I have been trying to get her some help since the divorce and she would just sit there and reply yes or no and of course the i dont know answers to the questions being asked....but recently she came to me and asked for help and said she wanted to return to therapy...so she is about to start therapy within the next 2 wks...i think that sometimes we need to really listen to our gut and never be ashamed to reach out for help and yes its possible that her problems are hormanal but its better to be safe then sorry...