High school has just rang and overed DD councilor

[IlikeCowboys]

Just need some advised how to approach this -

DD(12) in high school yr8 - school have just rang having spoken with DD as she seemed upset, they said that she is feeling angry, stressed, insecure, nobody really likes her and struggles to focus - did we know anything about it? And that they have a school councillor who could maybe talk with her to give her coping stratagies.

I said that there was a bit of a blow up last night as the first piece of homework DD has received since being back at school (2nd day) she hadn't remembered what was asked of her - we explained that she needs to start focussing and get in "head in the game" so to speak and needs to pull her socks up as she is the only one who can help herself - this was followed by tears and shouting on her part that it wasn't her fault, she's only human and everyone forgets stuff (true) but we said "of course but she needs to learn from it and not let it happen again, she has to help herself as no one will do it for her" - stormed up stairs shouting, crying, angry etc... after 30 mins ok, calmed down went and had shower - everything ok

she has recently started her periods and hormones must be raging - she switches between being the sweetest girl to the most obnoxious and self centred girl there is.

I'm just unsure how to broach this with her tonight without it developing into something it isn't - she can have tendencies to over dramatize things - ie, she'll watch herself crying in the window reflection when she's upset whilst explaining what her younger brother has done to make her cry.

Sorry for the essay :)

Poor you - and poor her. It's not an easy time - and tbh if you think she'd talk to the school counsellor it might really help. Going back to school after 6 weeks is daunting for most kids - throw in raging hormones and missed homework and social worries, and no wonder she's upset.

How was she over the summer? Did she seem angry and stressed then?
And how is she doing academically - are there any Additional Needs that have been identified. You talk about the struggling to focus and not remembering what she was asked to do - but the reality is that most Year 8s do know to write stuff down. It might be worth talking to the school and see if they have any suggestions.

I think quite a few children struggle with remembering what is expected from them for homework, I am surprised the school do not encourage them to write down instructions for homework ( I know my dd would struggle too without it written down ).

If she feels seeing a counsellor will help then go with it, I wouldn't say much about it to her or it may make her feel uncomfortable about it and make it less likely for her to come to you with her problems, sometimes talking to a stranger makes things much easier. Just let her know that you are there if she needs to talk to you. My daughter is the same with crying ( looks in the mirror ) and is a bit of a drama queen but I try and offer as much support as I can even if so e of her thoughts have been blown out of proportion .

She was diagnosed with Dyslexia last year at high school - they are dealing with it and don't have any worries with her - she seems fine with it but has at times played on it (both with us and teachers) when it suits IMO.

The school talked with her before the holidays with regards to organinse homework better and gave her a file which she used/uses.

Over the summer she was great, normal. Blew up at her brother when things weren't go her way or he teased or dared to turn the tv channel over - the normal stuff :) - I have however noticed in the last couple of weeks the way she speaks to him - at times it utterly horrible, only last night she turned to him and said "why are you speaking to me" - he was just talking to her....then other times they get on like a house on fire - he's 9

She feels hard done by sometimes (probably all the time if you ask her) as allowance are made for him over his behaviour to hers but I think that at her age she should be in better control of emotions/actions than him

She has also been diagnosed with dyslexia and she said:
"is feeling angry, stressed, insecure, nobody really likes her and struggles to focus"

Your response: is " she can have tendencies to over dramatize things " and "She needs to get her head in the game"

"allowance are made for him over his behaviour to hers but I think that at her age she should be in better control of emotions/actions than him"

And you openly admit you treat the two DC differently (never a good idea IME).

Can you not see the problem here?

She is 12, hormonal and dyslexic. It sounds like she would benefit from the counselling and also for you to back off a bit, cut her some slack and offer some practical support.