Non communication and not coming home?

[HelpMeGetOutOfHere]

How do you deal with this? DS1 (17) didn't come home last night, I called him around 10pm to ask him if he was coming home and what time (hes normally home well before then and usually 10ish at the weekend as well, hes not a fan of hanging around the streets), he said he was in 'Brads' car and would be home in ten minutes.
Fast forward an hour, and still not home. No reply to text. Phone going straight to voicemail. He finally answers phone at half past midnight and says that 'Brad' had to be home by 11 so took ds1 to his house so that he wouldn't be late. Now this falls down a bit a sin phone conversation ds1 says he is in the car and they are driving around our suburb (think large village size) and 'Brad' lives in a town about 20 minute drive away, so why wasn't ds1 dropped off on way to the motorway which is 2 minutes from our house?

Ds1 had work today and didn't turn up. I've been trying to call/text him and no reply. He also has driving lesson booked for today. Now I know I sound like I'm over reacting, but this isn't normal behaviour for ds1 and I was surprised to hear 'Brads' name mentioned as he hasn't seen him or months and said he stopped hanging around with him as 'Brad' just wanted to get stoned all the time.

In my worry, I message his mate (not brad but friend he usually is with)and no reply. Message another friend who says oh he left us last night and stayed at 'freds' house. Well we've never heard of 'fred' she gives us freds number after he tries it with no reply. I text no reply and call but no answer.

H rings me to find out if I've heard from him. Tell him no. He leaves work to go home and see if hes come home while we are all out and is in bed sleeping. Ds1 not home!

I message 'brad' brad says hes not seen ds1 for months! DS1 texts and the message reads on way home. I call him and ask him about the brad/fred mix up, and he says he doesn't know fred and was with brad. I tell him what brad messaged and he hangs up.

at this point I don't know I just to be relieved that hes on his way home and is fine or angry and issue some kind of punishment. Ds1 is only just 17 and obviously not very mature. I don't expect him to be home at 10 or have a curfew just honesty and communication. Which on this occasion it ould appear hes failed on both counts.

Hes at college and we're funding it his work is very sporadic and now hes not turned up its unlikely he will be offered anymore hours.

Well if it's out of character my top priority would be establishing that he wasn't in any kind of trouble.

After that, and assuming he just stayed with a girlfriend or some other fairly innocent thing that he didn't want to discuss with his mum, I think you need a frank discussion about how worried you were, and a reinforcement of house rules.

I think it's reasonable to expect to be told if he's staying out all night, even at 17.

Bet he's learned his lesson though - he'll be mortified that you contacted his friends, and he's got some apologising to do at work too I presume.

They just don't seem to understand how worrying it is when you don't know where they are. If he was in a car with a young person I would have been beside myself with worry. I would have been imagining the car wrapped round a tree. Have to say that common sense does not happen - thy don't think.
There needs to be rules and he needs to stick to them. My DD is 19 and if she is going to be later than 10:30 she has to let me know what time and I also have to be told if she is staying out all night. My argument is I then have an idea of what time to panic when she is not home. She now understands that if she was to break down and no battery we will at least start looking for her.
In this age of mobiles it is easy to send a quick text to mum to keep you informed - it's not like he has to make a phone call in front of his mates )liek I had to do when I was younger

Oops sorry for all the typos.

He was very sheepish when I got in from work. He admitted he was at 'Fred's' and I've now met this person.

As I said to him I'm not giving him a curfew or grounding him. I don't expect to be told every movement. I don't want or need to know about one night stands as long as he's protecting himself and the partner. What I am concerned about is lack of communication. A text to say I won't be home I'm at x's is all I want. Or I'm out and will be home by 12/1/2.. He's the one who has to get up and go to college.

He has rung work and apologised. He said he had slept in, they aren't happy and told him he won't be first choice for at least a month.

He is staying out again tonight, but at least he rang and said at about 8.30 that this was happening.

I hope he sticks to his word that he will communicate in future. Like a pp said I was lying in bed unable to read just worried that he was lying at the side of a road in a mangled car. And then when I didn't hear today and found out he'd gone to someone else's house. That perhaps this person wasn't a friend and he'd been attacked or something. Yes I know imagination running wild and wondering at what point I should report him missing!

Gosh yes. Ringing my mum when slightly drunk and hoping my dad would answer the phone as he wouldn't tell me off.

Hope it all goes well. You may still have a few episodes - even after the talks it still took a while for it to sink in but it will.

Thanks CHILLY, yes im not naïve enough to think this will be the last time it happens. He starts driving lessons on Thursday and I'm dreading him being out in his car i'll be a nervous wreck.

My DD been driving 18 months now and I still worry. The worry level does go up in the evenings. She is a good driver but it's other drivers I worry about. Don't think I will stop worrying until she leaves home!