heartbroken

[ItCanOnlyGetBetter1]

My ds has been verbally abusive to me and physically abusive to my home for some time (I could do a tour of damage!) and I have now reached the point where I can't take it any more. I am divorced (7 years) and have an older daughter, nearly 19 and boy/girl twins of 12. It has now got to the point where they will do anything to keep him happy so that he does not make a fuss. His Dad will come today to collect his things and give me his key. I am heartbroken. I never once thought that my lovely boy would ever tell me what he would like to do with a bottle and a knife to my body. So dreadfully upsetting.

Bumping this......some support...

So sorry

Itcanonly it's for the best. For you and your other kids. Maybe living with his dad will show him what he's giving up or be the making of him.

You can't put up with that. And it's not fair on the other kids

You need to get him some support. Go to you gp and ask for a referral to child and family psychology. They will be able to help both of you. You can also ask for him to see a school councellor.
He is having huge difficulty understanding and dealing with his emotions. Please get help as you cannot deal with this on your own.

Thank you for all of your lovely messages

Since he has been with his dad any contact with me has been fairly polite and at times almost respectful. The fact that he has just started an apprenticeship (amazing he got one - so few around and so many needing one) he has been too tired to have the energy to mouth off.

I did try to get help - he point blank refused to speak with anyone and they won't force him. He saw a school counsellor but has since left school and the organisations that the council put me in contact with said that they can only help if the child is willing. I did get some help for me and even gave up my full-time job recently to work from home (accountant). The children (other three) really appreciate my being around. I can monitor what goes on .

I have to say that it is so peaceful here now - feel a bit guilty for thinking it but it's good for the rest of us to know that we don't have to walk around on eggshells when he is home for fear of upsetting him. The decision is his now - he either shapes up and respects my house rules in order to regain access (way down the line) or stays with his dad. Just waiting for the maintenance money (way lower than it should have been for 4) to go down now........ !

itcanonkygetbetter, my boy lived with his dad, but 6 months ago i had to rescue him (self harm, drug abuse,poor relationship with dad and new wife, hated him self, wasnt going to school, the list is endless) we (dp, and his sister) have tried to rebuild his confidence, adapted our home (had extension built for him) had every support agency going involved, got him settled into a routine.........over last month he has turned on me, verbally abusive, told me he hates living with me etc, last week he told me he wasnt coming back and was moving back to his dads.........im heartbroken, but actually, not having to walk on egg shells, pamper to his every whim to keep the peace, and not fight for him to speak to me with respect, has been bliss.........i have told my self, i fixed him when he was broken (doesnt self harm any more) and now set him free to live his life!!! you have done the same, the old saying "if you love em set them free..." and all that. You have 3 other children, plz dont be too hard on yourself