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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD shoes smell of cannabis

19 replies

Doinmummy · 29/08/2014 19:42

I have suspicions that my DD 16 is smoking weed. She stinks when she comes in, when I do get a glimpse of her eyes they are bloodshot and last night (I don't know what made me do it) I smelt inside her trainers and they stunk too. I'm not sure what weed smells like but it's not a smell I can link to anything else.

I asked her and she's blown her top , which is par for the course- we have a very difficult relationship anyway.

Her clothes no longer stink but this morning her shoes still do.

Am I right ? Is this conclusive evidence?

OP posts:

MrsDarylDixon · 29/08/2014 19:49

My two are still little so I've no idea about teenagers.

But I do know my dad has a pair of shoes that smell of weed when they get wet! No idea why, and he's hugely unlikely to be smoking the stuff.

Really freaked us out when he came to stay and left them in our porch.

So there's a chance she's innocent.

MrsCakesPrecognition · 29/08/2014 19:52

How can it be conclusive when, by your own admission, you don't know what weed smells like?

marne2 · 29/08/2014 19:53

Could be just someone near here has been smoking it? It is a very distinctive herbal smell ( I hate the smell even though I smoked it when I was younger ), the dilated pupils are usually the give away but she could have these just by standing near someone who has been smoking it. A lot of teenagers do try it at some point , we always spotted the signs with DSS, his eyes always gave it away.

Merel · 29/08/2014 19:54

Coming home with red, bleary eyes is a sign. Stoned eyes look tired and droopy rather than crying eyes which look puffy. Not sure about the trainers, maybe they just stink? Or are you thinking she hides her stash in them in case you challenge her? Weed has a very distinctive smell, you would spot it straight away if you knew what it was like. Do you know any adults who smoke who you could ask for a sniff? (Long shot!)

Other signs to look for are thirst and the need for sweet snacks.

Maybe next time she comes home you could encourage her to sit downstairs with you for a chat (about any old thing, ask for help/advice on something perhaps) so you can watch whether she is responding to you in a normal way i.e. if she can't finish a story because she's forgotten what she is talking about mid way through. If she is high be prepared that she may want to avoid all contact with you altogether until the morning in case you can tell she is on something.

When she is out you could check her room/pockets for paraphernalia such as rizlas, wripped up card, trays with remnants of tobacco, pipes etc.

If she is using drugs, have you thought about how you might tackle it?

Even as someone who smoked weed at your daughters age I am not sure how to advise you for the best here.

Original poster

Doinmummy · 29/08/2014 19:54

Sorry , forgot to add that someone in the know said it smells of skunk.

I am desperate for it not to be and am scrapping about for answers.

I've had so much trouble this year with her, not sure how much more I can take.

OP posts:

coppertop · 29/08/2014 19:54

Ds used to have some boots that absolutely reeked of a cannabis smell. In the end I had to throw them away.

He was 8yrs old though and definitely hadn't been smoking!

Original poster

Doinmummy · 29/08/2014 19:58

She avoids me like the plague when she comes in, no chance of sitting her down for a chat about anything.

We barely have any sort of relationship.

I've posted many times before in the past, I've had a break from MN for a few months but thought I'd get opinions.

OP posts:

Coolas · 29/08/2014 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Merel · 29/08/2014 20:13

Ah I see. Yes I just looked a thread of yours from March, it does seem she has some troubles. Has she finished her last year of school now? Is she going to college in Sept? Did she ever get some counselling in the end?

I'm no expert in this area. My only experience is personal. I was not a difficult child but I was a bit of a difficult teen and I did experiment with drugs a bit. For what it's worth most of my friends at that age at least tried weed at some point, the vast majority I know did grow out of it in the end and have no long term issues. The adults I know who smoke it do it very infrequently (bar one) and all hold down jobs, have mortgages and are otherwise responsible people.

The danger is of course that if she has access to drugs, she could try and have a go with harder ones. Also if she is suffering from mental health problems, then this could compound everything. Do you know any of her friends, are they 'normal' teens or is she in a crowd of bad uns?

Original poster

Doinmummy · 29/08/2014 20:31

The good points are- she achieved 7gcse's and started an apprenticeship this week.

The not so good points are - she's not with a good crowd and has an undesirable boyfriend.

She has not engaged in any counselling. She told the psychiatrist to F off and we were discharged from him.

There is absolutely no one that she will listen to.

I said to her that I think I know what she's doing , that I don't like it but can't stop her- her choice and all that.

She blackmails me by saying she will give up her apprenticeship if I don't apologise .

OP posts:

Heyho111 · 29/08/2014 20:41

How on earth would her shoes smell of pot unless she was holding the splif between her toes to smoke it!
You will not smell pot on her if she's used it. Blood shot eyes are also not just a sign of smoking weed.
Please by a book on teenage development. It will help you understand her, give you tips on how to talk to her and help build your relationship.
Get out my life but first can you take me and Alex into town or how to talk to teens so they will talk to you are both excellent. Give one a go it will make such a difference.

Original poster

Doinmummy · 29/08/2014 21:02

What on earth has happened to MN?

I've read every book going, we've had SS, counsellors , DBIT, Family solutions involved.

I asked an ex drug user about the smell in the shoes - it comes out in the sweat.

OP posts:

infinitemonkeys · 29/08/2014 21:13

As what can only be described as a former massive stoner, I can assure you that the smell of weed doesn't come out in foot sweat - that is actually hilarious.

If you think she's smoking weed (or hash which may be more likely depending on where you are in the country), it might not be easy to prove, unless she's coming home stoned or carrying weed on her. You sound a bit sheltered regarding drugs, tbh. If it's any consolation, I'm now a successful professional and a responsible mother, and I was a really heavy weed smoker from about 13 to 21. It's not heroin. But I can understand your concern. Can you have a look at talktofrank.com - it's a UK-based site aimed at parents of teens which has some useful info and ideas for approaches you might take?

Darquesse · 29/08/2014 21:21

My Dp has been a heavy weed smoker and although his sweat did reek of the stuff, I mean really stink of it, I never noticed any in his shoes. his feet stunk but just of shelly feet.

I think trying to engage her would be the best way to figure it out. I know you say she avoids you but could you not offer her a snack and talk about how her apprenticeship is going, ask how her bf is? Anything?

Original poster

Doinmummy · 29/08/2014 22:10

I've tried all that. I took her a cuppa up last night. She was in bed in her side, refused to look at me and told me to go away. I have to tread on eggshells with her to avoid massive ( and I mean doors kicked off hinges) melt downs.

Thanks for the replies- maybe have a look at my past threads to see what I mean .

OP posts:

AppleAndMelon · 30/08/2014 23:07

I don't quite understand why you think someone smoking weed would have weed smelling feet? I would have thought her eyes would be a better bet.

AppleAndMelon · 30/08/2014 23:10

Someone needs to do a 'scratch and sniff' weed book for parents who haven't encountered the smell! You only need one sniff OP and you would know.

flow4 · 06/09/2014 14:46

Hi doin, long time no see. I haven't been here for ages either.
As you will remember, my DS smokes skunk too: I certainly know what it smells like and he does indeed smell of it sometimes... But I can tell you with absolutely certainty that wet shoes can sometimes smell exactly like it (I suspect it's some sort of fungal reaction!) So it's not 'conclusive evidence'...

That said, given her history and age, I'd say it's pretty likely your DD is smoking it. My question for you is what would you do if you did have conclusive proof? Would it change anything you're doing? If yes, then how? - Perhaps you could try that anyway...? If no, then I'd say let this go for now because there's nothing you can do about it - and you have had so much to worry about - I won't help to worry about something you can't do anything about.

AnotherStitchInTime · 06/09/2014 14:50

She could be storing weed in her shoe/sock when travelling just in case she gets stopped by Police.

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