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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Just had a call from police re 14 DS

12 replies

Blossomflowers · 08/08/2014 10:54

DS seems to have changed over night, smoking weed, drinking, and latest call from police saying he has assualted another lad in the village. Rumours are flying around the village via face book and I feel pretty mortified, the thought my son is a bully makes me feel sick. He has been badly bullied in the past, he told me this boy burnt him with a cigarette abd he retaliated. I have been asked to go to police station over weekend or he will be arrested. What has happened to my lovely boy. It has not been easy for us as his dad and spilt last December and he not a good role model. I have tried to sit him down and talk about the consequences of his actions and he will make all the right noises and promise to keep out of trouble but as soon as he is out of my sight he does something else stupid. Would be great to hear your ideas on how to tackle this. I sitting here in tears this morning

OP posts:

Belini · 08/08/2014 10:58

I have no advice as I'm in almost the same boat. Hand holding till someone with something sensible to say comes along

Original poster

Blossomflowers · 08/08/2014 11:22

Thanks belini Packed him off to his older brothers, maybe he can talk some sense into him. Just spoken to DS and sounded so young, he is always great with me, have not told him yet he needs to go to the police station.

OP posts:

Original poster

Blossomflowers · 08/08/2014 11:22

What's happening with you ?belini

OP posts:

Belini · 08/08/2014 11:37

I hope his big brother gets through to him, if not it may be time to let him face the consequence of his actions. It is horrible as the parent because you know there is a completely different person underneath.
My son will be 16 at end of the year. He is drinking, smoking (cigarettes & weed). He is vile to his younger brothers & sister. Goes out for two days at a time, lies about where he has stayed. Doesn't let me know he won't be home. Only associates with me for a few minutes so he can ask for money. He failed 3 out of 6 exams . I'm about to take a huge step back & give him the responsibilities that comes with the rights he keeps telling me he has.
It is really tough to know how to play it, isn't it. Do you go in all guns blazing? Risking it ruining your relationship forever. Do you take the softly softly approach? Therefore giving the impression you approve. This has led to my son not even hide the fact he is high or drunk. I don't want my younger children to see this as the norm

Belini · 08/08/2014 11:37

I'm sorry that turned into a bit of a vent

Original poster

Blossomflowers · 08/08/2014 12:02

No problem about the rant belini, what you are experiencing with your DS is what I am worried mine will become, he is respectful to me most of the time, at the moment, I blame the weed for his stupid behaviour, hateful stuff.

OP posts:

smileyforest · 08/08/2014 13:19

Its everywhere isn't it...see my posts!
Long Summer hols has to be the worst time of the year!!

Original poster

Blossomflowers · 08/08/2014 13:29

Just wish I could whisk him away, they are all at it. Besides the damage it is doing to his brain they is also a big risk of getting a criminal record. Essentially DS is a kind boy but this drug so colouring his judgement. I have no idea how he is buying it not stealing from me.

OP posts:

Belini · 08/08/2014 13:35

Kids are more generous these days. Well certainly more than when I was a teen. I don't give my son cash anymore but he manages to come in wasted most nights. It is rife just now & it completely changes their mood. It has stripped my boy of all his ambition

Original poster

Blossomflowers · 08/08/2014 13:51

When I ask him how he is buying it he tells me people just give it to him, I find it hard to believe but maybe it is true?

OP posts:

JadeJ123 · 08/08/2014 14:10

When I was 14 I went through the rebelling stage, started smoking and drinking and got in with the wrong crowd and only got 3 gcses, my mum let me be responsible for my actions because she realised I would figure it out and it was the best thing she did, she'd lecture me but I wouldn't listen and make me rebel even more then she left me to it. One day I realised she was right. Did take me a few years to grow up which probably isn't what you want to hear. Fast forward many years and I'm finally finishing university and haven't smoked since. What you're doing is fab and he'll eventually realise that and stop. My dad wrote me off which made me resent him a lot. Have a & some

Agggghast · 08/08/2014 15:11

Good luck, I think the biggest problem is that weed is so much stronger than it was even five years ago. I would try to action as much support as possible and just stop beating yourself up. As a parent sometimes you have to help but it is wrong to blame yourself. I know it is almost impossible to accept but sometimes people such as the police know the best course of action.

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