Help ds 16 thinks he may be schizophrenic then today we find out he has failed every exam

[superdeeduper]

After weeks of trying to talk to 16 year old ds he finally let me know he thinks he is schizophrenic. This he has based on a friend actually having a diagnosis and also what he has read on the internet.

I honestly think that it is depression with severe anxiety. We have a family history of this and explained to him my own symptoms at around his age which are similar. With his permission, i have contacted our Gp for referral to mental health services but we have to wait 2 weeks just for the GP appt. i know from experience he will have a lengthy wait for MH services too.

He will hardly speak to us but when he does he is aggressive with his younger sisters and is unpleasant. He hasnt left the house now for almost 3 weeks, refusing to see friends. I am really really trying to encourage him to think about how he can get better. Trying not to nag, listening but its difficult when he basically ignores me.

Then today we find out he has failed all his highers ( we are in Scotland). Not even just bad marks, no award for any of them. Im gutted for him. Trying to talk to him but again getting nowhere.

This post will already be long, sorry. I could write and write. I feel that I have let him down. I have been trying to help. I feel by trying to give him space/privacy as a teenager it has only made everything worse and he has withdrawn from us now. He is my first born. How did I not see how bad things were getting for him? Where do we go from here?

The good news is that he is still only 16. Not 26 or 36 and he obviously trusts you because he's told you. He may not be seeming to pay attention to you, but he is. Can you ring the GP back and tell him how worried you are and ask for an earlier appointment? This is serious stuff--they should be fitting you in earlier.

Don't worry about the Highers for now. Our family and a close family's teenagers have both, for different health reasons, had a disastrous AS level season and are expecting bad results next week, despite both being very hard-working, high-achieving students who were hoping to go to very good universities. That's not important now. The most important thing is to concentrate on his mental health and the rest can wait.

I am so sorry op-that sounds like an awful situation. most people with schizophrenia lack insight and think there is nothing wrong with them. It is not something that you can self diagnose. DS1 was often angry and verbally aggressive at 16 and any setback would have resulted in a withdrawel to his room. You should be able to get a GP appt sooner that 2 weeks and it is at least positive that your son is agreeing to go to speak to someone. The situation with his highers is very worrying-do you have any idea why there are no awards-was he attending school.
I have 2 ds and at this time last year ds1 was going into 3rd year at uni and ds2 was starting at another uni. ds2 didnt like his course and dropped out and ds1 became very depressed and we had to bring him home. It has been awful and like you we have constantly asked ourselves what we did wrong.
ds 2 is starting uni again in sept and ds1 is feeling better but we have no idea what will happen . It has helped us to realise that they are so young and things that fall apart at this age can be remedied later. Their health is more important than anything else, as is being there to support them.

So sorry. He is young- plenty of time. Can you persuade hi outside into the garden? Just being in sunlight helps. Seek professional help- and vent all you want here. Lots of support and wisdom.

Thank you replying and you are both right, the exams aren't important. He had been caught out truanting from school. I had gone into speak to the headteacher and DS seemed ok with continuing until the exams. He had no other plans about college or work that I felt he had no option than to keep going to school. This was only a couple of months before the end of term and it seemed DS was coping. I think he may have just turned up for the exams, written his name and walked out again. He was predicted to get good marks. Why else would he have no award?

I hadnt thought of him trusting me actually so thank u for that. I have brought my 3 kids up with little to no input from their father so I feel solely responsible for all this. I will phone GP again to try and get a quicker appt too.

The point about schizophrenics having no insight is helpful too, thanks. I feel the pressure of the exams has brought about severe anxiety which is manifesting in similar symptoms to schizophrenia. He seems paranoid, stressed, withdrawn. Poor appetite, not sleeping, not socialising, I had to beg him to have a shower. Its heart breaking as his mum

Dd went through a stage of feeling a bit "stop the world I want to get off!"
Exams and university and courses and pressure from teachers are possibly too much and he just wanted an out from the steam train his life had become.

My son thought he was a psychopath for a while - he had researched it on the net - he tried to fit the profile, I too took him to the Dr s and she set up counselling ( he only went once but it helped) it appears that a teens brain changes and causes lots of confusion. Have you tried contacting" mind" they have lots of advice or Google councillors in the area as like you said it takes along time to get to see anyone. As he is at home at least you know he is safe. He is probably very scared and worried at the moment. Don't worry about the heighers, exams can be taken anytime, he was clearly in a bad place at the time. I sincerely wish you all the best x

Thank you so much for replying too Summer68, already feeling more positive about things just from reading that we are not alone. Ive had a google of private counsellors in the area too. Dont care how much it costs, want him to get the help as quickly as possible.

I know he can get better. I know this because I have conquered my own depression and anxiety. But I am angry that this has happened to him. I felt I was able to protect him from this.

Why else would he have no award?

If he was skipping school maybe he didn't take some of the NABs. That would = no award. How does he feel he should've done? If he got good prelim grades he might be able to appeal.

Thanks Nalia. As far as I know he had sat the NABS. The school have been quite vigilant about this. Prelim results were ok. One teacher was sure DS was on course for an A so not sure how in this one subject at least, he didnt even get an award. I think he may have just turned up on the day, written his name and walked out. I don't think I will ever know what happened.

I wondered if you all think he should return to school to re-do maybe even a couple of subjects? Would going to college be better or trying for a job? My main focus is just to get him better first but as a single parent I also have to recognise financial implications if he is not at school or not earning. We are already living to a tight budget. And I feel terrible writing that down. Please believe me I will put his health first

Speak to the school quickly about the Highers - the appeal process has changed, but if he passed his prelims but then had a mental health crisis for the actual exams the school should be able to appeal for him - but this needs to be done quickly (within 10 days, I think).

Apart from that, I have no real experience, so just want to offer sympathy and support and I hope you all get the help you need.

If you miss a nab, but pass the exam, I think is is noted on the exam certificate as "exam only".

There are no appeals available post exam results now, only remarks. Medical appeals have to be submitted within 10 days of the exams finishing.

Firstly I think you need urgent advice from the school about this (has there been a massive cockup at the SQA?), but I think re sitting the whole year may be the easiest thing if that is possible with the change from old to new Highers. Could he go to a college instead of school to re sit?

Obviously his MH is more important than his education at the moment but having some plans in place for the future might help him see a way through.

Great advice thanks. Its difficult finding a balance. On one hand plans for the future could help give him a boost. But on the other, I don't want him to feel pressured.

Going back to school and being somewhere familiar could be good, not too stressful. But it could also make him feel even worse having to face up to everything. Uurgh! Wish someone could come and wave a magic wand for him

OP I think it's great that our son trusts you enough to talk to you about what's happening to him. You are obviously a very busy person with lots on your plate, but can you try love bombing him? I know that's a technique for little kids, but your boy is still a child, and he is lost and needs his mum.

This by the way absolutely is not your fault. If there's a family history of MH issues then it's incredibly sad that he has to deal with ths too, but it's just me of those things. If he had a physical condition you wouldn't be blaming yourself, this is no different.

Agree with PP about seeing the Gap earlier. Tell them you need an emergency appt.

Also agree with th PP that he's probably not schizophrenic, but he could well be having some psychotic episodes, which must be very frightening fir him. See if you can get him to do the basics whilst waiting or help: square meals, walks round the block, a decent night's sleep. Easier said than done I know.

Gap? GP. Never did conquer the iPad...

Love the phrase "love bombing"!! I guess this is what I have been doing since he talked to me. Ive been forcing him out with the dog too. Just trying to do things little and often so as not to overwhelm him.

It probably hasn't helped that it is school holidays and we have all been a bit more relaxed. I have been letting him stay up far too late too which of course has only contributed to his sleep problems.

Sounds like you're giving him great care. Do you think could he be smoking weed? It's pretty strong these days (especially skunk, which is what kids are mostly into apparently). That can trigger all kinds of latent MH issues. I think you'd smell it on him / his clothes if he was. If so that's another thing that could be easily sorted (by him I mean!).

Just a litte caution on the love bombing concept - I know it can be great and successful, but for me personally I absolutely hate it and excessive affection/attention makes me dramatically pull away from the other person, in particular when i'm suffering from depression and anxiety.

Great point Nalia. I would be the same I think so I have been careful. He would see right through it anyway if I was too gushy about everything. I'm hoping the love bombing has been in subtle ways which he can appreciate.

I did ask him about drugs too. He has confessed to smoking weed once. I have to believe him. We were being quite honest about things and I touched on some of my own experimenting with drugs at around his age and the conseqences on my own fragile mental health at the time.
There hasnt been any obvious signs of drug use but of course I am no expert