Teenage girls .....

[constantlyconfused]

I am writing more as a vent but also a little reassurance this happens to a few other teenagers
My DD is 14(just) and is generally lovely .Of course she has her door slamming moment's of screaming how unfair her life is and other typical teenage moments but she is incredibly kind especially to her friends.However they don't seem to repay the favour her friendships resemble abusive relationships often.She does have a few firm friends but her "best friends" always turn into enemies. They boss her about ,they slag her off,they criticise her face,hair,clothing , speak to her like utter crap ,tell her to "shut the fuck up" ,write nasty comments about her on facebook instagram snapchat.The list is just endless and it breaks my heart as well as hers but she always seems attracted by the loud characters they have an intense friendship then a few months on its tears all round.This has happened with several "best friends" . I know I will be told i've only heard one side but I have witnessed first hand this behaviour. She dotes on her friends and it's so upsetting they think its ok to treat her like this. Her recent "best friend " set up a fake profile on a website pretending to be her. I know its bullying and I have advised school reported cyber bullying . I just wonder why DD is drawn to these relationships and how to stop the cycle .She has no confidence as a result of all of this.Has anyone been through something similar ?!
I feel awful for her but also frustrated she keeps picking the same types.Her current best friend is so far (6weeks in ok) but is beginning to start.She stayed here last night and i could hear the way she spoke to my DD "get me that" "corr shutup idiot" I bit my tongue whilst considering spiking her breakfast ;-) .
I know you have to let them make mistakes and be there to pick up the pieces but it's so hard seeing history repeating itself . Then having DD so sad and angry whilst shit hits the fan.

Girls can be very b***y but your dd seems to be in a different place with this.
Is she being over nice to want to be liked. Is she trying too hard which opens her up to being bullied. I'm not putting the blame on her. If she has been bullied or had reall friendship difficulties it can make you much more vulnerable in relationships.
If this is the case you should think of getting her councelling to help her be stronger and confident.
Can she join a social type club like scouts outside school. (Go for mixed sex clubs less girly nastiness).
She needs to be given stratagies to deal with comments and situations.
I hope this helps a little.

If it had happened once or twice then I'd say she's been unlucky, but if it just keeps happening then it's hard to believe that she's blameless.

There is a girl in DDs friendship group, and her mother could've written your post. We all listen sympathetically whilst knowing that her DD has had more best friends than hot dinners because she can actually be pretty mean - can't keep a secret, two faced, attention seeking and gossipy. At the same time she is being lovely to their face, buying them gifts and inviting them on days out. Eventually every new best friend gets tired of her crap, retaliates in some way and moves on.

Of course this might not be the case with your DD, but I just wanted to offer another perspective as you really do only hear one side of the story. IME, unless it really is bullying, there is very little you can do except encourage positive friendships, model how to be a good friend (this mother is as gossipy as her daughter) and be there to comfort her if it goes wrong.

Well it hadn't happened till this school year but this school year has been incredibly intense!She does tend to be to over nice she dotes on them . Gives them her stuff (grrrrr) does everything in the hope of making them happy . Then after taking it for a couple of months she says something and all hell breaks loose . Its not happened loads maybe i should have rephrased it.Its been twice . There have been other things with other girls but im not so worried about them as girls will be girl siggghhhhhhh. She has a lovely set of friends there has been no issues with them ever but DD seems to crave that one bestest one thats usually a queen bee . She is starting therapy in September as school have said she has a very low self esteem and isn't very resiliant .
I completly understand people may think she is to blame but i have of late witnessed loads of examples as well as being very bad and having a bit of a snoop . She is no angel but in situations with friends she is very submissive .

Well if it's only happened twice across one school year then I do owe you an apology because I am very much projecting my own situation onto yours.

IME 14 is the very worst age for this, and teenage girls can be very unkind to each other. It may be that her slight air of desperation is attracting the wrong type of friend, or it may just be that all of the nice girls already have a best friend so she is scraping the barrel, or it may be that she is targeting girls who already have a best friend and that scenario never ends well; new friend is flattered by the attention initially but in time drifts back to her original (but now disgruntled) best friend.

If she's receiving support at school, and has a lovely mum offering good advice at home, then she will survive unscathed I'm sure. And if you continue encouraging her to socialise with her wider group of nice friends I'm sure a best friend will evolve naturally in time. The best thing you can do is give her perspective IMO.

It is so frustrating as 9 times out of ten there is a huge issue tears for weeks then they apologise and all is forgiven. Then they are in my house and i have to force a fake smile . I am an advocate for letting them find their own way but im starting to doubt that at the moment . She always seems to pick the queen bee needy types and ends up as a councellor/emotional punch bag! DD is very immature and I think they see this as a weakness .She is no angel and eventually sticks up for herself but only when things have been going on for months as opposed to nipping it in the bud when it begins.She chats to me about it then gets cross when I give her advice .
I would hate to be a teenager again I hated it anyhow but social networking adds a whole new dimension .