Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

Original poster

14 yo boy/ condoms

19 replies

Seriouslyffs · 01/07/2014 10:46

Namechanged and stressed and in a hurry. Promise I'll come back- I really need advice.
I found an empty condom packet in 14 yo sons room this morning. How shall I broach this?

OP posts:

Original poster

Seriouslyffs · 01/07/2014 12:12

So- more info. He's at a boys school, no late nights or sleepovers, honestly can't see when he'd have had an opportunity. Don't want to ignore though.

OP posts:

LastingLight · 01/07/2014 12:41

Maybe he was experimenting with a condom out of curiosity and not actually having sex?

LaurieFairyCake · 01/07/2014 12:42

Sex with someone of the same sex?

MissMilbanke · 01/07/2014 12:42

sex ed at school ?

Original poster

Seriouslyffs · 01/07/2014 12:44

Thank you- those are all possibilities. How do I say to him, I found the empty box, what's going on?

OP posts:

MissMilbanke · 01/07/2014 12:46

Firstly be relaxed - don't go in with all guns blazing. Aggressive questioning will make him clam up !

I would start with 'I was tidying your room this morning and I found an empty condom packet. Do you want to talk to me about anything ? '

Georgethesecond · 01/07/2014 12:48

I wouldn't start with that- what if he says "no" and nothing else?

victrixludorem · 01/07/2014 12:49

Finding an empty condom packet has to be so much better than discovering a PG 14 year old girl friend. But I tend to go with the others - experimenting/bravado etc. It's good that he is informing himself. Don't make it into a big deal.

adeucalione · 01/07/2014 12:59

At that age my DSs had drawers full of condoms - they and their friends used to get them from the school nurse, because it was hilarious.

Apparently they would often get thrown round, or blown up, on the school bus.

So there's a good chance he's picked a box up out of curiosity, but of course you can't rule out sexual activity so agree that you must approach him. Perhaps when you are driving him somewhere, so he can't escape but can avoid eye contact if he's embarrassed?

I think you need to start with an open question to get him talking, and make sure you don't appear angry or disapproving as that wouldn't encourage him to be honest at all.

Original poster

Seriouslyffs · 01/07/2014 13:11

Mwah ha ha at a long drive. That's genius. I'll go with the I found an empty packet of condoms...

OP posts:

Original poster

Seriouslyffs · 01/07/2014 18:23

Well that was awkward.
Grabbed him and took him for a drive to collect his sister. I told him I'd found the packet and wanted to talk about it. With lots of pauses he said they'd all bought them on a school trip a few weeks back. That makes sense as it was a 2 pack and I guess from a vending machine. He said that some of them used them alone and he didn't use them with anyone else. Which also sounds plausible- ie he mucked about with them and didn't actually want to tell his mum he'd had a posh wank.
I said that morality aside he's 14 and that if he was having sex it would be a child protection issue and that he could end up on the sex offenders list and unable to join the army (don't know if that's true) or adopt.
I said that he's not in trouble for buying them and mucking about with them but he's too young to be having sex. And not to get into situations where it seems like a good idea. Because it's a really bad idea.
He seemed embarrassed but not guilty.

OP posts:

Original poster

Seriouslyffs · 01/07/2014 18:31

Which is good, btw, I don't want him to feel guilty about larking around with friends or masturbating, I just don't want him having sex.
Waah please reassure me that was ok.

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 01/07/2014 18:33

Last week I found a load of used (but not for sex, just blown up and deflated, I think... I didn't study them too carefully) condoms in a field

Somewhere there is a mother discovering an empty Durex packet and panicking.

Original poster

Seriouslyffs · 01/07/2014 18:36

Where was this field???

OP posts:

LastingLight · 01/07/2014 18:47

Well done for plucking up the courage to talk to him. You must maybe have some follow up discussions on the emotional side of sex and how you have to be ready to deal with that, as well as the dangers of std's and unplanned pregnancy.

adeucalione · 01/07/2014 19:03

Well done OP, sounds like you said everything you needed to and left him in no doubt about your expectations.

He'll be telling people about that little conversation for years

chocoluvva · 01/07/2014 20:39

I completely agree with adeucalione.

Also you have demonstrated to him that you're not too embarrassed to talk about contraception and sexual morality. So if he ever wants to tell you something he knows you won't be too embarrassed to discuss it.

Original poster

Seriouslyffs · 01/07/2014 21:09

you guys!
He's his normal bumbly self, not traumatised, so I think he'd just been mucking around.
Thanks y'all. I really needed to talk about it and its hardly the sort of thing to ring up mum about.

OP posts:

Cardinal · 02/07/2014 15:19

Sounds like a posh wank to me! No cleaning up

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread