Unsociable Teenage son

[Sandielvis]

I have a 16 y o teenage son who does not socialise with any of his peer group, his idea of socializing is talking to friends over the internet as he plays one of his many games. He will not go out, he will not go to his prom and has said it is too late with his friends to change the situation.
He seem happy enough but as a mum I am very worried about how he will ever cope in the big bad outside world. He is staying on at 6th form and hopes to go to university, he is very bright, funny and attractive (not at all biased!) Should I be worried?

I don't have any answer for you, sorry, but my 15 year old son is just the same. He enjoys school, goes to explorers, is in a football team and seems to be pretty popular but he never makes any arrangements to meet up out of school during weekends or holidays. Most of the time he's quite happy (he has loads of solitary hobbies that usually keep him busy) but on occasion he gets really fed up as he has no one to go out with. No matter how much I encourage him to make plans he seems to lack the confidence to suggest meeting up.

I think as long as they are happy we have to leave them to decide for themselves but it is very hard. At least your son is socialising on the internet which seems to be the norm these days. Maybe when he does go to university he will join in with the socialising then.

So many teenagers lock themselves away with their consoles and their laptops. It's kind of the norm now. Try not to worry too much about him. Just think, he could be out all night drinking, doing drugs and sleeping around. I think no matter what our kids do we worry about them.
They have a whole world of friends online and that seems to be good enough for them and though it seems odd to us, it's perfectly normal to them and hopefully when they are ready they will get out there and enjoy life to the full.

OP, you could have been describing my ds at 16. He lived in his room, having online friendships and never going out.

Then he started 6th form, and things changed. He's not exactly a party animal, but he now goes out lots, goes to the cinema with friends, socialises with real people

He's a lot more confident with his peer group. I think it's just a question of growing up. If your son is happy, I wouldn't worry.

Proms are horrible, and in no way related to anything you encounter at work.

He almost certainly is socialising online. Talking non stop to strangers and friends. - just like we do here on MN

I don't think you need to worry if he is happy with the situation.

As others have said he may make friends in sixth form or university - because they have similar interests, or because he matures and loses interest in the constant gaming.

He probably won't ever be an extrovert, but I don't think that matters really - he just needs a little group of like-minded mates.

For my DS it happened when he got a girlfriend and suddenly realised that there was more to life than the x box - he wanted to meet up with her as much as possible, started socialising with her friends and then began to accept more invitations from people at school because he stopped dreading social events and now knew they could be fun. He isn't with his gf now, but that was certainly a turning point for him.

Obviously if your DS was unhappy it would be different, but I think all you can do now is be there to offer advice if asked, and to support and love him - if the prom is too difficult for him then resist the urge to criticise, persuade or disapprove for example.

Lots of teens reinvent themselves for sixth form, and a year from now you'll probably be wondering why you were ever worried about him.

Many thanks for all your threads. The Prom is in the past now and he starts an induction for 6th form this week. He looks so smart in his suit really proud of him. He has been persaude to enroll in the NCS this summer and I hear and read such good things about it, so this may be the thing to boost his confidence. As someone said I would rather he be in his bedroom that out on the streets doing all sorts !

The Ncs thing looks great. Well done for persuading him. Mine has refused point blank.

Mine too - wish he was doing NCS. Another who is happy to play on xbox , watch football and meet friends at the park or to play squash. Mine went to the prom - enjoyed buying a suit and going off with his friends but generally thought it was overrated. Would have been happy at home with his friends and a Domino pizza!
On the plus side he isnt drinking or smoking, we know where he is and he is still a pleasure to have around. No hurry to change this.

I was just about to suggest NCS- so pleased that your DS has signed up!

My DS did his last summer and had a fantastic time. He made loads of new friends and found a gf (who he's still with )
On the day they came back from their trip, everyone was frantically exchanging numbers and many of the girls were in tears because they didn't want it to end. A huge crowd of them met up in Hyde Park within days.
He still spends a fair bit of time in his room on the Xbox but he does have a social life that I wouldn't have dreamt possible before last summer

What is ncs?

National Citizens Service

My DS's one was with The Challenge. It's heavily subsidised so the entire experience cost me £35!