Worrying situation at dd's school.

[TeaLover422]

Hi all,
DD is 14 and in year 9 at a private school, with what I thought had a good reputation. For the past couple of months I've heard some stories from her about people in her school and the drug use which goes. She never really elaborated and while I was concerned, I thought nothing more of it that a few silly boys, a couple of years above smoking weed in a park or something. But just last night, when we were chatting, my expectations of what I thought where greatly exceeded. Turns out its the year 10s (year above dd) that have a reputation for being the most horrendous year in the school and dd said at least 40% of them drink and take drugs (and I'm talking drugs such as cocaine, ecstasy etc) and a large portion of this percentage is girls too, a couple of which she knows. There has also been a few incidents such as overdoses etc in school too. My problem is that kids in her year have been supplied by them and some go to their parties at weekends. My dd is hard working and for the minute has her feet firmly on the ground, but what worries me is that that may change soon. I know as she's approaching 15 she'll want to have EVEN more freedom and will start to be invited to parties. DD assures me that she will never take drugs and that alcohol does not appeal to her but there is still that worry of being "easily led" or to "fit in". I've gotten a wakeup call and it astounds me that although the teachers are aware of what goes on, they turn a blind eye and only get involved if an illicit substance is brought into school or something happens to damage their precious reputation. Surely some sort of drugs awareness presentation could be given, because the need for it is obviously there.

I need advice on is there anything more I can do, I've warned dd and drummed into her the dangers of drugs and to avoid them at all costs but what do I do at school when drugs could be handed to her on a plate?

Thanks in advance

She has discussed it Helpys and I don't see what more she can do- other than your sensible suggestion of keeping the lines of communication open.

There must be more in her year who wouldn't try drugs. My DS didn't even drink alcohol, he wasn't interested, it didn't interfere with his friendships.

I kno of children who have been expelled from bothstate and private schools for drugs related offenses. I don't think any school would automatically expel a child for taking drugs outside school time.

The difference is that state schools will definitely do some form of drugs education. It's quality is variable- but there will be some. Ds's school devotes an entire off timetable day in year 8 to it, as well as it coming up regularly in PHSE.

The trouble is that even the loveliest teenagers can panic and fall prey to peer pressure or even just press the Fuck it button. Trusting them isn't fair on them.

I agree- but we need to empower them, not restrain them. Because, frankly, once they get past a certain age we can't restrain them- so by then we had better have given them the tools to keep themselves safe....

Yep it's a fine line. I still maintain that they need to come home at night, with the offer of a lift or be staying with friends who's parents I know.

Is the school religious? Is there some reason why they aren't holding drug & alcohol awareness classes for students and parents? My DS's school has regular talks to the boys & we have had at least one talk a year on drugs & alcohol awareness. From a parents point of view the women who wrote Mum, can you lend me twenty quid? were very hard hitting. Is the school aware of the level of drug abuse taking place? Do they have a school psychologist or counsellor who is used to dealing with these issues? The school won't get the academic results or have a good enough reputation it needs to survive if they don't improve.

How much is it possible for you to minimise her opportunity to socialise with the kids from school, especially any you haven't met, she hasn't had round etc? I ask because I lived a few miles from my secondary school, & most of my friends. It did crimp my social life, which wasn't always great, however a lot of the crowd I got on well with at school, and spent occasional time with at weekends, were into drugs (nothing heavy while at school, mostly pot I think). I didtry it a couple of times, but the big difference between me & them I suspect, was distance. I didn't have opportunity to spend all my spare time around the same crowd, whereas they did & they very much got into the cannabis culture (ie smoking it daily, and it did, in a few cases progress to harder drugs). This didn't happen with me because I just wasn't around them so much, & I've not touched cannabis in more than a decade, whereas I know that a few of them are still regular users, and its no longer just cannabis, sadly.

I'm not surprised you are worried. I think you are doing the right thing talking to the school. I dread the teenage years. I won't have a clue, but I agree, lecturing won't work. I think you just have to cross your fingers and hope that they are sensible. Frank IMO Is laughed at by teens as they seem to parrot that all drugs can kill instantly, worst case scenario stuff.

I disagree about private schools having lax rules. I was expelled from private school for smoking!

The school should also be pointing out to them that whatever they might think most drugs are illegal (difficulty with 'legal' highs) and if they have a criminal record they won't be able to work with children, as a doctor or lawyer or travel freely internationally.

Hakluyt- I agree with you that it must help enormously if you know your DC's friends and their parents. However this is not easy or possible for everyone. I live in London and my 16 year old has a very wide social circle - it is simply not possible for me to know all his friends and their parents. Maybe this was harder for me because we moved into the area when he was 10 so I didn't have the connections from primary school.
Also, i have found that different families have different attitudes towards raising teens and personally I am up against a lot of permissive parenting.
My DS Has just finished school for the summer ( after GCSE ) and there are parties most nights - tbh it's a complete nightmare for me. You can't lock them up, and policing the lifestyle is stressful and exhausting. And yes I know he smokes weed and has experimented with other drugs so my fears are very real.

Thanks for all the replies, much appreciated! Anyhow I had a chat with dd last night using some of the advice given about how drugs can make you feel good and can be very appealing but also bearing in mind the extremely dark side of them. She's completely adamant that she would never take anything. What I want most is for her to be able to go out and have a good time at parties or whatnot in future and not feel pressured or obliged to take anything. What a sad world we live in where teens can be reeled in to something SO dangerous, SO easily in order to "fit in"

Just to add this is not a recent thing. I am 58 at my grammar school most of us tried dope at some point as well as some harder drugs. Kids WILL experiment whatever they say. If it isn't at school it will be when they get to freedom of uni. It might not be drugs, it could be alcohol or sex. As a good parent all you can do is give good advice, keep talking and know u r there for them whatever happens