Teenagers and stress

[KatyMac]

DD is dealing with a lot atm

Her Grandad is dying
Her GCSEs have just finished (which might have reduced her stress, but I think it's still relevant)
She has finished some big dance exams
She starts a new job in 2 weeks
Has 4 different shows in less than a month
& is moving out in 12 weeks

Actually I need help with dealing with stress too

So how do either of us get less stressed?

Anyone?

Major upset today as Dance school (usually on Saturday) has rehearsal for a show on Saturday and other Dance school (usually on Sunday) has a show on Saturday - she can't go to both & neither of us have the energy to decide which she goes too

Which struck me as a sign that we were both very stressed

Bump

Sorry, no idea what to suggest.

For my DD1 I would suggest some physical exercise, but that's rather redundant in your DD's case!

Otherwise when stressed I try to make a list, work out what things I can alter, and what I can't, and it helps me.
e.g. GCSEs - no point now, and her 6th form doesn't depend on it anyway does it?
Grandad - can't stop him dying, but could visit, or send a card to show she is thinking about him
Dance shows - toss a coin, see whether pleased or disappointed with the answer, go with gut feel.
moving out - worried about practicalities or emotions?

I saw the video you posted of your DD, she's very talented (not that I know anything about dance)

If all else fails - chocolate!

Chocolate is helping & she sees her grandad 3/4 times a week

It's so hard being a mum

Thanks

Why is she doing so much - 2 dance schools. Reduce commitments and let her have down time. This would reduce your stress too.

I know - they are both associate schemes and finish w/e 19th July

I just need to make it until then.....

Get some treats in. Box sets and chocolate. Make some time for treats, good luck

I know he has unreasonable expectations but if he only has weeks/months to live he does not want to spend them not knowing what is going on

He has a party to plan & wants to have it before he's too ill to enjoy it

Whoops wrong thread!!

She just had 2 mini tubs of Ben & Jerrys & a luxury chocolate bar (Rocky Road)

I found out she thinks her Grandad might get better

I have to talk about it again - I don't know how

Yes you need to talk to her again. Picking as good a time as possible. Very emotional time for you both

It's just so crap

OK - we have clearly told her - she has decided not to hear

I've set up family counselling for us on Monday

It might be that it just has to play out. Both my DDs dealt with it very well when it actually happened, similar age to your DD. maybe her coping strategy is not to think about it until it happens. Hope is a great thing and gets us all through lots of difficult situations. Maybe she is using hope?

You could well be right - I just worry

I worry about the tiny things because I can't visualise the bigger issues

I feel your pain - we are in a similar situation. If the situation is fairly short term we literally work one day at a time. Make a list of what needs to be done today and build in some down time or a treat. Dd and I quite often go out for a short walk in the evening just to chat.

Our lives are ruled by musicals and I keep finding myself singing Abba's 'Last Summer' or late Freddie Mercury tunes plus Seasons of Love

which is just so sad

Bin some dancing fgs.

Really? At a time of immense trauma you'd remove the main comfort/regular activity of a teen?

I see it as something to maintain long-term despite the upset it is causing short-term as to disrupt her routine that much would de-stabilise her entire life

In 2 weeks it drops from 18 hrs plus to virtually nothing anyway and I think that will cause/trigger a reaction from her

After that we have part-time work, plus she plans to start Pilates twice a week, adult Ballet once, Gymnastics once & start running but she is unlikely to even match 10 hours - so her body will 'suffer'

katy - you are the only person i can think of on here who goes on to such a level about their kid's sport. I know of NO other kid on mumsnet whose activities are so well known! I know you are proud but do you think kind face that you put pressure on her?

Have you thought why I go on about it on MN? Could it be so I don't go on about it to her?

Every so often I talk to her about when she finishes dancing - when she does something else. I've actively encouraged not dancing as a career and at times refused to allow something to happen (usually unsuccessfully - but if she is prepared to fight that hard then it's that important to her). I talk about being unemployed, having to do something 'ordinary' to pay for rent & food and I spent ages talking to her about alternative careers, teacher, accountant, sports therapist and each one she has turned to a dance version.

MN is the only place I can wallow in my pride at her hard work and tenacity; everywhere she can hear it's about how hard it is for us as a family and how difficult dance will make her life. Of course she knows I'm proud but thinks it's of her hard work, her commitment when in fact I am in awe of the whole package & when she meets an obstacle, I sit on the edge of my seat waiting to see how she deals with it - the mess over the teachers she has taken in her stride without any angst (unlike me) over the loss of a performance - she just shrugged & said she didn't want to let her friends down