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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DS has just told us his girlfriend (that we knew nothing about!) is pregnant

24 replies

JessMcL · 21/06/2014 20:23

He sat me and DH down about an hour ago after dinner and told us. He's in pieces. We had no idea he even had a girlfriend if i'm honest- he doesn't have that many friends and as far as i'm concerned he goes out to college/work and occasionally to a friends house.

He has no idea what to do- and we don't either. I can't judge, well I wouldn't any way, but I had DS when I was his age so i've told him all he can do at the moment is be supportive- apparently she has already said she won't have an abortion

It just makes me quite sad because I really didn't want anything like this for him :(

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 21/06/2014 20:25

Well, you will get through it. He is luckily to have you.

VerucaInTheNutRoom · 21/06/2014 20:26

I don't know what to say but it's good that he feels that he can be honest with you.

gamerchick · 21/06/2014 20:26

Oh dear, well it's done now. Has she told her parents yet?

Maybe meeting her would be a good starting point.. I probably would just be there in the background for support while I see how the land lies atm. Big news needs to be digested a bit.

Good luck.

Singlesuzie · 21/06/2014 20:28

How old are they?

PassAFist · 21/06/2014 20:29

Well done OP, sounds like you handled it well. I would be sad in your position too.
Not much that you can do other than be there for him, and see how things pan out.

Best of luck to all of you.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 21/06/2014 20:29

Gosh, that is incredibly big news. How was it for you when you fell pregnant as a teen, were the fathers family supportive? Can you use how they acted with you to influence how you behave? If they helped, mirror that.

MissMilbanke · 21/06/2014 20:33

Ach well not the start you would have wanted for him but it will be fine in the end

AuntieStella · 21/06/2014 20:34

Have you ever met her? Have her parent's been told?

Assuming her decision to have the baby has been well considered, the you are going to be grandparents. These aren't the circumstances anyone would hope for. But you can be a great deal of practical/emotional support to your DS. And that could be entirely positive for the baby.

What does fatherhood mean to him?

specialsubject · 21/06/2014 21:42

that is sad indeed. Glad he has supportive parents.

if she won't abort (which is entirely her decision) then they both have to grow up fast. Whether the relationship lasts or not, they will both be responsible for the next 18 years. That means considering finance, accommodation, childcare and work.

Original poster

JessMcL · 21/06/2014 21:48

He says we don't know her- we've asked him to bring her round for dinner this week but said not to put pressure on her about it. He said as far as he knows her parents don't know- he only found out himself at lunchtime today and said he didn't tell her he was going to tell us so I guess the news is sinking in at the moment. We've asked him how far a long he think she could be- he said he's had sex with her several times over the past 2 months so can't be sure.

He said he will support her decision- but he has a lot of growing up to do himself so I honestly don't know how he will cope being a parent.

It's a big shock for us at the moment- but i'm determined to support him. DH hasn't said much because he isn't his "real Dad" (but as good as!) and when it comes to the "important" things with DS he feels he should take a backseat- despite me saying he shouldn't. I don't think he does it to be awkward though because he is great with our girls and has an excellent bond with DS otherwise.

OP posts:

lljkk · 22/06/2014 08:49

Where is your son in his college studies, lower or upper 6th?

textfan · 22/06/2014 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 22/06/2014 17:08

Wow he must have been scared to tell you. That's big news. I think all you can do in the immediate is reassure him you love him. This will get bumpy no doubt (no pun intended!) for now be close and just love him.

Xcountry · 22/06/2014 17:20

It doesn't always have to be the disaster everyone else makes it out to be, He seems to be a fairly responsible lad anyway the fact that he has come to you and told you and is showing signs of wanting to be there and support her, he hasn't just done one and denied all responsibility.

Like you said you were his age when you had him so you know its not going to be all roses but it is doable and you must have done something right for him to have the kind of relationship with you where he can sit you down and tell you this.

I got pregnant first at 15 and it had been hard, there have been some real times of struggle for DH and I (we are still together after everything) but I wouldn't change him or the kids for all the money in the world.

Maybe its a good thing your DH has been there for him and maybe its best he doesn't take a backseat because he is the one who would have been teaching your son my example about how to be a father (if like you say he has been just as good as a father to him). I struggled because I was in care so I didn't really have a mother example but my MiL is fab. It will take a while to get used to but it will be ok, struggles and all.

Xcountry · 22/06/2014 17:22

*by example, stupid thing

TeenAndTween · 22/06/2014 17:25

Adoption is clearly an option, textfan , but long term fostering really isn't in the best interests of a baby. Short term isn't really an option in itself, only as a stepping stone to adoption.
(Unless you know something I don't).

AnythingNotEverything · 22/06/2014 17:30

I know this isn't what you wanted for him, but honestly, having kids young isn't always a disaster.

I had DS at 18. I was with his dad until DS was 5, and we've co patented ever since. We are now both married to other people, with additional children, and successful careers. We couldn't have done any of it without supportive parents, but it's not always like they tell it in the Daily Mail.

It's great he's been able to talk to you.

myotherusernameisbetter · 22/06/2014 18:19

Being a suspicious person by nature, I think I'd be digging a bit more, it's very early for her to know she is pregnant if they have only had sex a few times over the last couple of months. Absolutely possible I know, but I would still be wanting to know a lot more about the situation.

expatinscotland · 22/06/2014 18:22

Very early? I had sex with my husband twice in two months and knew I was pregnant as soon as I was late.

weatherall · 22/06/2014 18:25

Please try to stay positive.

DS's father's parents encouraged him to turn his back on me and his DS. He was 18/19.

myotherusernameisbetter · 22/06/2014 18:37

expat - I do say it is entirely possible, just thinking that 2 months may not even be two months and depending on her cycle, and how far along she is, it could equally be nothing to do with the OP's son. The OP hasn't met the girlfriend and really knows nothing about her at all. I'm just saying I would be keeping an open mind until I knew a bit more.

In the circumstances I would be as supportive as I could and would definitely be helping my son to be a good parent and partner if they wanted to make a go of it, but I'd also be asking a few more questions and definitely wanting to meet the girl.

textfan · 22/06/2014 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeenAndTween · 22/06/2014 20:07

fairy nuff.

ladymoonlight72 · 23/06/2014 01:53

Going through similar right now as per my thread. Sympathise with what you are all going through and hope you can manage to make sense of things.

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