my son has become a danger...

[NigellasDealer]

in the last two weeks he has come at me with a plank of wood, opened the car door hard on my arm, thrown a hard bak book at his sisters back, shoved her so hard into a gate that the gate post fell onto her leg (you had to be there, hard to explain) oh and then come at us with a can of petrol and a lighter.(just joking mum!!) that was last night.
I was so upset that I kind of went into a full body shake and had to go to bed.
in addition he has been thrown out of college and has no educational place for year 11.
background - single mum, dad cannot stand him and does not bother with either of them.

oh right yes, so what should I do?
call SS?

That's terrible!!!! What about granda? Could he step in?

I was just talking to him actually kerry and he suggested calling SS and basically having him removed from the house.
I am reluctant to do that as have had previous dealings with them and found them to offer no practical help , just sit around haveing meetings to discuss how crap I was.
before anyone starts that was my experience.

bump

Get a friendly local policeman to pop round and have a word? I'm sure most manned stations have community liaison officers.

Might shock him into realising his behaviour is more serious than he realises.

I know the police round here they liaise v closely with SS, he would be taken into care. I already asked them once, when he was punching my arm and throwing the gears when I was driving. they basicaly told me that if i wanted to push it with them, then it would be care proceedngs.

So if he is year 11 what are the LA doing in order to get him back into education. They can not just ignore the issue.

CAMHS - pretty useless in most areas but occasionally helpful. Ask for referral from your GP.

May be agencies like "Youth Targeting Support", "Spurgeons", "Respect" (so this one referred to on TV programme last night on Violent Children")who can offer behavioural advice and support. We got referred by SS so you may have to go this route even if it will involve another round of information gathering.

Is the behaviour recent or have there always been problems. Is it possible special needs are involved such as Asperger's?

Yes to involving SS and police and yes to starting care proceedings.

You're going to need ovaries of steel to deal with it as even I (as a foster carer) get insinuated things are my fault/not as bad as all that etc.

The reason they do that is that there is no money and they really, really don't want to take statutory responsibility for yet another teenager.

You need to ignore the insinuations and their 'helpful' suggestions if you feel it's gone too far for them - the only reason I can implement them is I get a lot of support.
And I advocate for more money for therapy/respite/Cahms.

If it's gone too far for you (and yours is the only opinion that matters) then you need to prioritise keeping you and your younger children safe.

{{{hugs}}} for you

i dont know if he has aspergers i suppose its possible.
I have to contact the LA today or tomorrow.
there have always been problems since year 3

maybe its a good thing that will be taken into care - better than having a violent teenager at home, in my opinion.

What do you want to do? Carry on being a punch bag?

Hi sorry I'm a little late in replying, that's horrible op but maybe it will calm him down. Must be a difficult choice for you xx

I have just posted on another thread about my decision to call the police when my DS was violent and I'll just repeat here that they were absolutely brilliant, completely supportive, and gave me total control over how far things went. In the end we agreed that they would just talk to him, but that they would explain that things would be taken further if he behaved in the same way again. I simply can't believe that they would activate social services without your consent - surely you would be involved in the decision-making process. I would urge you to phone the police again and talk to them (family liaison officer?) about what approach they would take. Can you ask them just to speak to your DS - say that you don't think it's appropriate for social services to be involved at this stage. Do push for help from CAMHS though - the school should be able to try to get this through quickly, especially as violence is involved.

Do you have any idea what triggers his violent episodes? Someone recommended this book to me, which is geared to younger children but is still pretty useful.

Sorry, book link didn't work. It's called The Explosive Child and it's available on Amazon.

Search some of Maryz's old threads about her son. She has been through it all, and is very wise.

Your experience with SS mirrors other people's experiences, particularly if you are a single mother (fathers seem to get more kudos if they are single parents - it's only single mothers who are looked down on!). If he is 16, he will not even be eligible for fostering, either.

I haven't been in your situation, so no good advice. I hope hand holding, and help a bit?