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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

My 13 year old is currently lying on the floor refusing to go to school

26 replies

17leftfeet · 19/06/2014 09:58

Can someone help me please

She erupted at 8 o'clock and has been lying on the floor intermittently crying ever since

Won't tell me what's wrong saying she can't and she can't go to school

Please help me, I don't know what to do

OP posts:

Sallyingforth · 19/06/2014 10:00

Is she being bullied?

PiratePanda · 19/06/2014 10:00

Didn't want to read and run. I don't have a teenager but hopefully someone willcome along soon who does.

Floralnomad · 19/06/2014 10:02

I'd let her be for a while ,tell her she doesn't have to go today ,have a drink and some breakfast and then discuss it with her later in the day .

jeee · 19/06/2014 10:02

I guess the first thing to do is phone the school. They need to know she's not coming in, but may also be able to give you some indication of what's wrong.

If this is the first time this has happened, I'd write off the school day, and let your DD know that she doesn't have to go to school. This should take the pressure off your DD, and she may be able to tell you what's wrong.

This is only my gut reaction.... it's what I think I'd do with my 13 year old DD (although I'm sure I'd have shouted at her first).

Best wishes, and I hope you and your DD feel better soon.

Theselittlelightsofmine · 19/06/2014 10:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Theselittlelightsofmine · 19/06/2014 10:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

traviata · 19/06/2014 10:06

soothe
murmur "oh dear, you poor thing" and "you do really have to go"
do not get stroppy

point out that the teacher will ring and you will put DD on the phone to explain her absence

offer a biscuit or something to help her feel stronger
leave her to realise that she does have to go

then when she gets home, try to have a proper talk to see whether there is something truly serious going on.

traviata · 19/06/2014 10:07

yes, something has happened, and it could be bullying or similar, but from the experience of my DD it is more likely to be i) a friendship issue, ii) forgotten homework, iii) a boy issue.

traviata · 19/06/2014 10:07

did she get a text/ snapchat message at around 7.50am?

Itshouldbeenough · 19/06/2014 10:08

I would call the school and ask for the HOY to call back and then hand the phone to her and let her explain.

NigellasDealer · 19/06/2014 10:10

well there is plenty of bullying and sexual harrassment going on in my dd's school....
maybe spend some time with her today and try to find out.

Mama1980 · 19/06/2014 10:13

Honestly I would call the school say she's not coming in, make her a cup of tea give her time to calm down and then chat to her/ generally spend the day getting to the bottom of what's going on.
That's only if it is a one off, if it's a regular thing then that's different but I don't get that impression from your post.

CiderwithBuda · 19/06/2014 10:14

Well you can't physically get a 13 year old to school. So as others said tll her she doesn't have to go today but she needs to tell you what is wrong.

If she can't tell you maybe she can write it down? DS did that once - was so upset about something that had happened at school that he couldn't physically tell me. He wrote it out and gave it to me and then locked himself in the bathroom and cried. . I kept him off the following day which happened to be a Thursday. Agreed to the Friday also as thought the break over the weekend would help give a bit of distance. Unfortunately it didn't really and we had same issue on the Monday. Plan B was that he had to go on Tuesday. But he refused again. We felt totally helpless. In the end his form teacher came to the house and had a chat with us and then him and he went back. He had blown something fairly small out f all proportion and thought everyone was talking about it and knew that that was why he wasn't in school. His teacher was able to reassure him that everyone thought he had flu which made him feel better. He went in late morning on the Tuesday and his form teacher had spoken to other staff and he had a few 'safe' places to go to if needed.

It was a horrible few days and we felt so useless.

CiderwithBuda · 19/06/2014 10:19

Oh - definitely keep an eye on phone/Facebook etc. Don't let her have them in bed at night. I don't want to be alarmist but personally know of a beautiful 15 year old girl who killed herself three weeks ago. Got some nasty messages late at night and killed herself. Horrific. But sometimes when they are so upset they think the whole world is against them.

Original poster

17leftfeet · 19/06/2014 10:33

It's very out of character

I've told her she can have the day off but she's not sitting on her phone all day so now she's begging for her phone

I've checked her Facebook and text messages, there's nothing

She just keeps repeating that she wants people to leave her alone at school and they never do but I don't think she's being bullied, she is a person that needs her own space and I think she finds it all overwhelming -but why today I've no idea

OP posts:

scouseontheinside · 19/06/2014 10:53

Hold that phone OP. Otherwise you've made a rod for your own back if you let her off, and she then gets to loaf about all day.

Can you call the HOY and ask them for advise? My DS refused a couple of times. Nothing but sheer bloody mindedness. I took away all screens - he was NOT going to refuse school and then be rewarded by sitting on his arse relaxing all day. Also called the school and explained the situation, who put him down for a detention and a morning of serious talks with the head.

I appreciate this may not be the case for your DD - you say it's out of characters. My DS was challenging us on every front, so I was bloody relieved that he didn't try it on for too long. I can't physically force him to go in!

Original poster

17leftfeet · 19/06/2014 12:32

She's been asleep for about an hour, don't know whether to wake her up or not

OP posts:

scouseontheinside · 19/06/2014 15:12

Ah. Do you reckon she's sickening for something?

anaa1 · 19/06/2014 15:22

Hope you manage to find out what's wrong, bless her. Sounds like time for a heart to heart??

CiderwithBuda · 19/06/2014 15:46

Has she started her periods already? If not that could be imminent?

mummytime · 19/06/2014 15:59

If she refuses to go tomorrow, then take her to the GP.

Is there anyone she will talk to? An Aunt or Cousin, even a younger sibling?

I'd leave her to sleep until pretty much dinner time, and see how she is.

Original poster

17leftfeet · 19/06/2014 16:04

She started her period a year ago so it's not that

If she doesn't go tomorrow I'll definitely take her to the GP

She doesn't really talk to anyone outside her circle of friends -apparently talking only makes things worse, I think she sees it as a form of weakness, she's always been incredibly independent from being small

I think she would benefit generally from someone to talk to but if she's not willing I can't force her

OP posts:

Sallyingforth · 19/06/2014 17:54

I do think you should talk to the school. They may well have noticed something happening there.

lljkk · 22/06/2014 11:52

any progress? I had something similar with DS. Week later he was insisting that everything at school was absolutely fine. ARRGGH.

Original poster

17leftfeet · 22/06/2014 13:10

Well she went to school but is insisting that she just didn't feel well

I've told her I don't buy that story but she won't give me anymore

OP posts:

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