Depressed 15 yr old son is now smoking weed, stealing and drinking, what now?

[MommaSaz37]

Hi everyone, so my son was diagnosed with depression about 4/5 months ago and put on fluoxetine tablets every day, he had been having suicidal thoughts and generally feeling rubbish, since then the tablets have mostly been working, or so i thought ! He started smoking cigarettes about 2 months ago, which wasnt happy about but can't physically stop him from doing, and hanging around all kinds of people which worried me a lot.
Last week i had a call to go to the school to pick him up, he had stolen money to buy weed and cigarettes, wasnt aware he had been smokin weed but turns out he had been for couple weeks, resulting in police formal warning, exclusion from school and us having to pay back the money, so he was grounded and phone/ipod/laptop all taken away.
Meeting at the school monday morning there , he could return the next day, which he did and then skived off the afternoon, phone call from school again, and then today another phone call from school to say him and some friends had been drinking at break time, so he is excluded yet again untill tuesday and may or may not be allowed to return to school !

So, a very stressfull couple of weeks, after picking him up from school again today, i saw his arm, he had been self harming, lots of scratches and cuts up one arm, first time he has done this, and also admitted drinking yesterday morning too, seems to be doing anything to feel better, it is really worrying, he does seen a psychiatric nurse but she is on leave so taking him to the doctors tomoro, had to stay home from work tonight as i didnt want to leave him home alone, just in case, am so worried about my sons well being, he just dosn't care about anything anymore, anyone else been in or in the same kinda position?

Hi there. I'm new to mumsnet and signed up because my 17 year old son is also having problems. He was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder 8 months ago (a combination of depression and schizophrenia). Also self harming and feeling suicidal and acting out of character. Also on medication. It took a while to get his meds to right dosage, so maybe look into that and one of them was changed.
He's also been good at school, apart from being extremely tired so not getting there until after 11am. School has been really flexible and understanding but I guess it's different in your case. Do they know his situation? Is there someone at school your son relates to? My son has a form teacher he goes to and he can chill out in their room. If your son could do something like this at breaks and lunchtime it would keep him away from the others. I felt at first I didn't want people to know, but now feel that hiding mental health issues just perpetuates the stigma and problems. I've been astounded at how many kids out there are having problems.
I had to give up my job but I'm lucky to be able to do that. It feels like my son is now my job. I just keep reminding myself that he doesn't want to be like he is and that he will get through it, but it's horrible and heartbreaking and stressful. Take any help you can get and just be there for him. I don't have any answers I'm afraid and struggling myself. We have ups and downs. You think things are getting better and then it all goes wrong again, but I guess it's just the nature of the illness. My son won't talk to me at all but it sounds like yours is at least admitting things to you so I hope you can keep that communication going. The psychiatrist said we should let our son know that some behaviours are unacceptable and let the minor things go. We were walking on eggshells scared that something would tip him over but he said that wouldn't help him and to keep things as "normal" as possible.
Good luck

Try to keep communication open with your DS. He's obviously in a dark place where judgements and punishments wont work. he knows inside that his behaviour is awful but just can't help himself. Try to get him to talk about how he feels and just listen to him without judgement or solutions or suggestions.

It must be terribly worrying for you. i understand as I went through similar with my DS, who thankfully grew up and out of it. He tells me now that he knew at the time that his behaviour was irresponsible and crazy but he felt out of control and didn't even himself understand why he was behaving like that.