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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Is it me?

41 replies

TalisaMaegyr · 10/06/2014 21:28

I've recently given 16 year old dd a curfew of 10pm if she goes out with friends.

She's sensible, well-balanced and smart. She's never given me cause to think she can't be trusted, and I reward her accordingly, by letting her have a little bit more freedom.

The trouble is... none of her friends are allowed out after about 5pm! Why not? They're all very similar, none of them have been in trouble so far, they're good students, but they're just not allowed.

I honestly cannot understand why. Is it me? Am I too lax? She's a bit lonely, starting to get a bit desperate to start going out more, and she has nobody to do it with.

I'm confused. What do you all think?

OP posts:

Mrsjayy · 12/06/2014 08:16

Not being allowed out is weird are they doing homework or at stuff, I do think 10 is late on a week night mine were and are still at school ar 16 so they neededto bein for 9, but its not you imo its them

Mrsjayy · 12/06/2014 08:19

Right enough just thinking about it a friend of dds isnt allowed just out they dont hang about much bur thecfriend is only allowed out if they are going to the cinema or something

BuzzLightbulb · 12/06/2014 08:46

Well we've just reset our 16yr old's expectations.

10 during the week, and 11 at weekends unless there's a party or something. She's finished her exams.

Our biggest problem is meals. She's so desperate to spend every waking moment with her dream guy she'll fly in from school and straight out again and won't eat.

But she's being really, err, 16 at the moment so small steps....

Mrsjayy · 12/06/2014 08:52

Oh yes 16yr oldlove is a challenge eh. I used to make dinner a bit earlier for dd1 so she could go out or she would have been the same d2 is hardly out tbh but if she is the n dinner first

ppplease · 12/06/2014 08:55

I too ma wondering if they are a different nationality to your dd, or have a different religion

Claybury · 12/06/2014 09:43

This really doesn't make sense. OP Why would you need to give your DD a curfew of 10 if she has nobody to go out with ? Why has the subject even arisen ? What is the point of the curfew ?
At 14 my DS had a curfew of around 10pm but his mates were allowed to stay out all night, so I had a hard time enforcing. I'd rather been in your position ...

TheWordFactory · 12/06/2014 09:50

I also wonder if the other girls even want to go out...

DD is almost 15. She does a sport or drama or choir most days after school so gets in around 6.30pm.

She eats. She does some homework.

There is no way on God's Green Earth she would want to go out again just to hang about. Sure, she might be tempted by a film she really wants to see, or a special meet up with friends....but otherwise, no.

She wants to chill out watching Dance Moms .

Mrsjayy · 12/06/2014 09:56

Dance mums is bloody bonkers I would stay in to watch it my 16yr old isnt that fussed on out either it wasnice on friday night sshe did go out with some friends I dont mind hannging about though I know she isnt drinking cider in the park or giving cheek to the eldery

Mrsjayy · 12/06/2014 09:56

Elderly

Original poster

TalisaMaegyr · 12/06/2014 11:36

Am at work, but will answer you all when I can!

OP posts:

bigTillyMint · 12/06/2014 13:11

Word, I think you are right - they probably don't want to go out. DD was good friends with some girls like this in Y7/8.

Original poster

TalisaMaegyr · 13/06/2014 10:36

Sorry! Mad busy at the mo.

No, she has a couple of Muslim friends that have never been allowed out, or really to have people round, they just socialise at school.

The others though, the main group - there's no religious stuff, or cultural stuff that I'm aware of - she's known them for years.

I do think it's a possibility that they might not want to go out, and they're using their parents as an excuse...

Claybury - she was out at a council meeting last week and stayed a bit late, and kept texting me saying stuff like 'another ten minutes and I'll leave' and such. I explained that as long as I knew where she was, then there's no need to stress about asking for more time as I'll give her a 10 o'clock curfew.

OP posts:

TheWordFactory · 13/06/2014 10:48

They might just be tried talisa.

Lasy night I collected DD from the athlectics track at 6pm. She'd run the 1500m then the 100m relay.

On the way home she moaned about her period pains, her sun burn, her Spanish teacher and ate two bags of crisps ...

When we got home, she ate her tea. Moaned a bit more. Did her spanish homework and went to bed when the football started (so 9pm?)...

bigTillyMint · 13/06/2014 13:13

Word, I don't blame her

wannabeveggie · 16/06/2014 09:22

Mine rarely wanted to go out during the week and tbh I didn't encourage it.
I have to up at 5.30 and so would not be happy with teenagers coming in at 10pm.
They tended to be like Words DD ,home from school, EAT ,eat some more ,wander off to their rooms, shower, ask whats for dinner ( you have just eaten!) do homework, watch tv, chat etc.
Occasionally DS1 16 might pop out to see his mates, do some skateboard tricks . Have never discussed a curfew as he always arrives home the minute I am serving dinner. The is like clockwork and we always laugh ,its like he has some sort of special powers !

Weekends , the odd party or round a mates house ,cinema, out with GF/BF - arrangements discussed on each occasion.

dietcokeandcadburys · 16/06/2014 09:31

My 15 year old (year 10) doesn't really go out after school (our house seems to be the preferred place of gathering ). Now it summer though she has to be back by 10 on weekends. In the holidays it'll probably be about 11.

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