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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Would you make 16 year old come on holiday with you?

41 replies

AmblingAlong · 26/05/2014 10:44

I can't decide on this one.

Ds has just turned 16 and he's saying he doesn't want to join us on a trip to visit family this summer. I kind of think I don't want to force him and he'd be quite happy to stay home. We're abroad and it'd be to visit family in the UK but he doesn't have much of a relationship with them. They haven't been to see us in years and we haven't been for quite a while either as we've either not been able to afford it or have been visiting dh's side of the family in the US and Asia.

Would you let your 16 year old decide?

OP posts:

stella69x · 26/05/2014 18:36

Are they financially/socially independent? If not they do as the family does.
If they can manage the household at home with no assistance as you are overseas alone, then yes they can stay, if not then they are your dependant and need to be with you.

This of course depends on what resources you can/are prepared to put in place during the trip

lazypepper · 26/05/2014 18:43

As it is to visit family - i would be more insistent on him coming along.
However at 16 i was left alone for a week or more at a time. This was many years ago, however, and i was (relatively) sensible.

i leave DS (16) home alone overnight now and again now - but I trust him not to have anyone round. He has a bit of common sense, and in an emergency could contact his DF or my Dsis who could be up here within 15 mins if necessary.

I think in your case here-i would have to insist he came along. But as other posters have said throw in some activities/trips that he chooses.

ExCinnamon · 26/05/2014 18:52

Would taking one of his friends with you be an option?

Original poster

AmblingAlong · 26/05/2014 19:51

Taking a friend would be good but the grandparents wouldn't cope with it, not that welcoming!

It doesn't help that dd is saying great, leave him here and I'll take my best friend instead!

She is planning on having several days of retail therapy. I'll be able to find other stuff for ds to do on those days like a day at a GoApe place for example.

He's got out of us having another talk tonight as he's gone off to revise for a sudden really important history exam with his friend! I won't have the courage to start on the subject when he gets back.

adeucalione lol at 'He's digging his heels in because he's sensed that victory is a possibility, you never show that kind of weakness with a 16yo' you're right I'm too soft but I'm the same as drinkingtea and sympathise with the teen quite often, try to put myself in his situation. Sadly for him, he has to come with me this time. I wouldn't rest for a minute if he stayed.

OP posts:

Ludways · 26/05/2014 20:49

My last family holiday was when I was 15, do I'd say let him decide BUT to me this isn't a holiday as such, it's important he spends time with his grandparents. He's 16, if he's not mature enough to see he has a responsibility to his family then he's not mature enough to stay home alone. It's that double edged sword.

Fairyliz · 27/05/2014 17:56

My daughters are 17 and 19. I didn't leave the oldest one until she was 18 and the youngest is coming with us this summer, although it is a holiday she will like.
I wouldnt leave a 16 year old alone especially not to go to another country. As other posters have said can you add a few days doing something he will like?
If hes studing history theres lots of it in the UK

alemci · 27/05/2014 18:01

No he is a bit young. Mine ds is 16 and he will have to come.

HolidayCriminal · 27/05/2014 18:09

I have traveller friends who would insist on a family visit but not other types of holiday abroad. So they have left 16-17yos alone for 4-6 weeks before. They feel fine about it (& nothing bad happened).

ime there will be no point in them choosing activities, they will change their minds & not want to do it anyway.

honeybeeridiculous · 31/05/2014 19:36

It's difficult, I was never worried about leaving DS,16 for a couple of days.
We went away overnight and left him alone, although DD 23 was staying the night
Well she got home and found DS on the floor, he'd knocked himself out head butting a cricket ball and head butted the door frame by mistake. Nobody knew how long he'd been out cold and spent the night in A and E
Needless to stay I'm abit wary about leaving him now, even for a day!

offtoseethewizard64 · 02/06/2014 19:46

DS (17) has to visit GPs with us. They are old and I tell he we don't know how much longer they will be around. They are not abroad though - just 4 hrs away and we see them twice a year. We spend a week with them in the summer and as DS has got older,it has got more difficult to find things to amuse him. Last Summer, he looked up a number of small museums with things that interested him and we dropped him off at various places with a packed lunch and some cash whilst we went and did something else with DD. We usually have a meal with the GPs in the evening and MIL is a good cook and allows DS a glass of wine - so he is happy to spend time with them their wifi network is also unsecured .
With teenagers there has to be something in it for them I'm afraid, but I would not be leaving a 16 yo on his own without back up close by.

MarmiteMania · 02/06/2014 21:02

My dd 16 would not come away with us and neither would i want her to as would be a "Hell-iday" with her moods, just wants to be with friends her own age. Wouldn't dream of leaving her home alone so have booked her on a supervised 3 week trip with loads of other kids her age, lots of them friends already. Sorted!

Charlotteamanda1 · 06/06/2014 15:57

I did and paid for it. Miserable grumpy fowl and made it a miserable experience for all of us. The next year bought a friend. The following year she went on holiday with the girls. This year she asked to come with us =happy mum.
I wish I let her stay home.
I would take a friend for her or leave her home. But it's what suits your family.

JamJimJam · 06/06/2014 18:47

Our 16 year old is coming on holiday with us and is more excited than anyone in the family. (This may be because we do quite flash holidays!) I can't imagine leaving him for that long anyway.

He is a nice teen though, and we'd all be a bit lost without him. I have conveniently forgotten his hormental episodes as we haven't had one for an age.

However, also in the summer break, we are doing our usual camping trip in this country with 5 other families (we've done it for 8 years) and he has refused to come along. I am fairly sure he will change his mind.

Mrsjayy · 07/06/2014 09:34

Its family of course he needs to go qnd see them imo its an obligation its upvto you though I would expect mine to go

Mrsjayy · 07/06/2014 09:35

Oh my 16yr olds come on holiday with us

littlegreenlight1 · 09/06/2014 19:31

Hmmm we're not having a holiday this year well I went to America but anyway so dd Will be 17.5 when we do go next year and as I need to book it soon I've asked her whether she will come.... Even at almost 18 I'll be worried but she does spend the odd night alone now. That's a bit different to going abroad I guess.
Sorry, no help, just reading with interest!

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