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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

18 year old son

4 replies

daz1 · 26/05/2014 10:13

Hi I have an 18 year old son who has been a handfull pretty much all of his life.when he is around my wife he speaks to her like dirt, demands everything the list goes on, but when im around and hear and see all this I pull him up for it which normaly starts ww3 and in the end they all turn on me.All this doesnt really bother me because im hoping when he matured a bit more all the values I drum into my kids might shine through and he will be thankfull of that.My problem now is that when he turned 18 he was still at school and only working part timeand he needed a car.So I explained to him that it is good for him to get a good credit rating with banks for the future, so I contacted the bank, they came up with a plan that would help him achieve this without a personal loan, (he couldnt get a loan being at school and part time work).This involved me buying the car and when he started full time work he would set up a direct debit from his bank to my loan, and also into a first home buyers savings plan, which would show the bank he has the ability to save. Well its been 8 months since he started full time work and not one iota of effort has been done by him to start paying back the money.I should add that the car on the road cost $4600, he only has to pay half.I have had numerous talks with him to get the ball rolling but still no effort, it normally ends up in a big uncalled for argument, again my wife sits there and rolls her eyes when I explain that he has to start being responsible. At this moment in time I am at wits end what to do, I think I know what I should do and that is take it from him until he shows me some respect and that he has to buy a lot more responsible. If I do this the outcome will be that I am the worst bloke in the world but if I dont he is getting away with it like he does with my wife which morally I cant do. (ex wife as soon as my kids are responsible and mature enough to understand) PLEASE HELP!! WHICH WAY SHOULD I GO. CHEERS!!!??

OP posts:
headlesslambrini · 26/05/2014 10:20

Take the car. He is not responsible enough to have one. He is likely to cause an accident anyway so think of it of protecting him.

daz1 · 26/05/2014 10:44

Yeah I know that it is the right thing by him, I know that its not going the be a peaceful surrender! His mums got some hideous issues that I have been dealing with for 18 years its messy at home at the moment and I am trying to run all the carpentry side on a shopping centre Building site, coach an under 15 football side ( assie rules)"by the way, im an assie" "you?".just need to hear it from someone I have no connectio with. CHEERS!!!??

OP posts:
LastingLight · 26/05/2014 10:46

He is being irresponsible and spongeing off you and your wife is enabling him. Can you sit down with her when things are calm and you're not in the middle of a fight with your son, explain your reasoning to her and hear what her point of view is?

I agree, take the car, he hasn't earned it and isn't responsible enough to have it.

heyday · 27/05/2014 08:37

I would go to his bank and get a direct debit form and sit down with him and tell him that, unless he completes the form and starts making regular payments to you, then you will have to sell the car. Make sure you take the form back to the bank as he might not bother. It's then up to you to follow through with it if he doesn't complete the form. Stay strong, give clear boundaries and consequences of breaking them and then stick to it. Good luck

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