What age were your children when you stopped using after school care?

[Throughthelongnight]

My youngest son starts high school in September, so I will be returning to work full time - I am part time at the moment, so always around after school. I also have a 14 year old.

What age is considered appropriate for a teenager to look after themselves after school? I wouldn't be getting in until around 7pm.

I would also be interested in what arrangements others have found worked for them, I'm thinking perhaps a mothers help to do some housework whilst also being an adult presence in the house, or perhaps a student.

Bump

They'll be fine by themselves after school

I think so much depends on the children. I wouldn't have any qualms about the 14 yr old. How do your dc relate to each other? Are they likely to argue? Is the 14 yr old quite responsible? If they rub along fine together, then I wouldn't see a problem. After all in the grey area of babysitting, many people consider 14 to be the age they would deem a teenager capable of looking after younger children.

I would definitely try to have an adult in the vicinity on standby, that your dc could call on if need be. If you have friends close by, or neighbours you could rely on, you could ask if they would mind being the 'backup' for the dc to phone/go to if there were any problems or if an emergency arose.

Thanks Mrsruff, my 14 DS is very responsible but my nearly 12 DS can be a little unpredictable. The thing is I don't really know if they argue when I am not around, as arguments might be more for my attention iyswim.

Also I don't want ds1 to feel responsible for ds2.

There is virtually no after school care in my area for secondary school children the expectation is that they are more independent. My nr 14 yr old prefers when her younger sib is home as its company. With regard to older ne being responsible for younger one, what's wrong with that? You are at work = more money coming in. I give eldest extra money when she picks up youngest and we all have better standard of living if I work Children get that and are part of decision making process in my house - they have had aupairs and don't want them back thanks. As a result no fights as they don't want trouble. We have a system should they need help and lots of neighbours nearby who we know and trust I. Kids who learn responsibility bit by bit are better able to exercise good judgement IMO

12, with a neighbour on standby just in case.

Depends on the child - mine have been happy after school since they were 10. We do, however, live in a small friendly village and they both knew they could, and still can, knock on anybody's door if they need something.

Sorry, I didn't finish. I was home at just after 5pm and DD was on her own for just over an hour. She didn't that much like it but disliked the after school club even more and her siblings were working/at university.

12 for one, the other will be older due to health issues.

Hoboken, when you say a neighbour on standby, do you mean you have an arrangement with a neighbour that they will always be in at that time, or that there are several neighbours around.

I only have one neighbour who would be approachable but they are not always in after school.

I used after school clubs all through primary school, once they went to 'big school' they were on their own

I built it up gradually, leaving them at home for a short time while I went to get the groceries. Or asking them to go to the local shop to get some milk.

Luckily no disasters and they turned out v well

I do leave them on their own, and ds2 often walks/gets the bus home from primary.

It's just that one of the jobs I have applied for wants me to start in August, so it just feels a bit in at the deep end when he starts in September.

Thanks Durham, you are quite right.

Unless you work a million miles away, I think 14 and 11 is fine to be on their own while you are at work. What do you envisage happening that requires adult intervention? Whatever it is, talk it through with them so they know what to do. Set firm rules and boundaries around what they are allowed to do, who can come over etc and then let them get on with it. A bit of freedom and independence is a good thing I think.

I think it's sensible for them to know what to do in an emergency ie which neighbours' doors to knock on, lift of phone numbers pinned up by the phone / programmed into their mobile etc, rather than asking neighbours to be around specifically

list of phone numbers, that should have been!

It is a tricky one
what if the 14 year old wants to go out with mates after school
will the 12 year old tag along

I think 7pm is quite late to be getting back

could you organise an early start with work, half an hour for lunch so you get home earlier?

What time do they get home from school?. I also get home around 7pm and on the days my 12 year old doesn't have an after school activity he is home around 4pm. I wasn't happy for him to be alone for 3 hours and he's not yet up to making himself a proper meal, so I have a helper come round for a few hours on those nights. He often goes out to play with friends but it gives me peace of mind that there's someone nearby if he needs help and also that he eats properly. It's a bit different from your situation as you have an older child too but it might be worth trying when you start back to work (as I'm sure that will be stressful enough without worrying about the DC).

They get home at 4pm. Toothpick, what sort of helper do you have? And how did you go about finding them?

I can't put my finger on it, but I'm just not sure if I can leave them alone for that long - i do leave them during the day, maybe I just feel guilty about them not having someone to come home to. The thing is, had ds2 been a couple of weeks older, he would have already completed his first year of high school by now.

I can't change the hours, and I would be doing an hour or so commute.

I guess I just wanted to know what others do, and what is normal.

It's a difficult one, in your shoes.
I agree with you about it being "something", a bit difficult to define, that I wouldn't be that comfortable with.
Like most people, mine stopped when they finished Primary, but I would get in a long time before 7pm. I think that's a long time for them to be on their own, every day. I'd have no problems leaving mine that late on the odd occasion, but I think letting yourself in, then being on your own for 3 hours day after day, particularly if things aren't going well at school for one reason or another is just a bit much to ask every day.
Any possibility of a student doing a sort of informal 'Mother's Help' type role for you?

My helper is a lady who works at a local nursery. I found her through friends (she does occasional babysitting for one of them). She doesn't have to do much (just cook basic meals, no cleaning) but I'm really paying her as someone to be there if needed (my commute is around 45 mins so I worry that I couldn't get home quickly). She has grown up children so the arrangement works well for her. Another option is to see if there are any sixth formers/students that could do it - I'm might go down this route in future as there is the added bonus that they can help with homework.
It's definitely something worth considering, at least in the short term while you are all getting used to the change in routine. Obviously the downside is cost, but I just remind myself that it won't be for too much longer.

I just wanted to add that initially my DS was very against me getting someone in. However the day I came home from a one hour shopping trip and found him setting up a skateboard course in the living room was the day I made the decision. He is fine with the arrangement now and it also means he can bring friends back (which I don't allow if he's by himself - shuddering at the thought of what 2 impulsive 12 year olds would think was a good idea to do!).

Thanks toothpick, I think I will ask around. I guess the good thing about this age is it's not the end of the world if the helper can't make it occasionally.

I left mine recently and a game they were playing resulted in a mark on the newly painted wall. Ds2 thought a pan scourer was the best way to remove it!