Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenage dd on self destruct

2 replies

MrsLundyBancroft · 23/05/2014 11:27

Our family is a bit dysfunctional. I split with the father of my four dcs in 2012 after a long marriage filled with domestic abuse. My eldest girl is 16. She witnessed an awful lot and suffered an awful lot. Consequently she suffers from ptsd, panic attacks, insomnia, depression etc. She's on sertraline for her depression.

On Monday she told me that she had sex with her bf for the first time on Friday but that she had forgotten to take her pill the same day. She had already made an appointment with the gp to discuss more long term contraception. She asked if I would come with her.

On Tuesday I discovered that she hasn't been taking her pills in an orderly way. She runs three packs together (on gp's advice) but instead of taking one pack after another, using the day indicator on the reverse she just takes them willy nilly from whichever pack comes to hand. I told her this was a little foolish but she promised me it was just the one pill.

On Wednesday we went to the gp. In the waiting room she suddenly said that she wanted to go in on her own, she'd call me if she needed me. Again, she promised me that it was just one missed pill.

Yesterday I discovered that she has stopped taking her sertraline. She has missed a week. We had a long talk last night albeit one sided. She looked dead at me but refused to engage. I told her that if she was going to muck about and be a child wrt meds then I would have to have them off her and dispense daily. I sent her to get her contraceptive pills. She did and then I sent her to bed. DD2 then came down to say goodnight and said that she didn't want to get dd1 into trouble but felt I needed to know - showed me a photo of three or four missed contraceptive pills on her bedside table. When dd1 went back upstairs to get her pills she'd scooped them up and hidden them but dd2 had taken a photo first. She didn't want to tell tales but (and I agree totally) if dd1 has a baby it will impact on us all.

So this morning I went to look where dd2 said they were and dd1 has obv got rid of them totally. Which means I'm going to have to challenge dd1 and if necessary give her the info I've got from dd2 which won't go down well.

I don't know what to do. Is she doing this on purpose? Does she want to get pg? Once I know for sure she's not pg I will be taking her to get the injection and I will be in the room each and every time. I don't know what else to do.

She is in no fit state to have a baby, regardless of age. I cannot support her and a baby. We are moving in two months, back to my hometown to have more support from my parents, which she is quite happy about. She's doing her gcses and then wants to eventually be a midwife so what is this all about? If she has a baby she's going to struggle to get her quals, plus social services are involved now (I got them involved) and so if we introduce a baby to the mix I imagine they will continue to be involved for longer. I'm at my wit's end.

Sorry this is so long.

OP posts:
adeucalione · 23/05/2014 11:37

I didn't want to read and run but I haven't had any experience of this so hope someone more knowledgeable will be along shortly.

My first thought, given that she is sexually active but appears to be intentionally missing pills, is that she actively wants to get pregnant or doesn't care if she does. If she has had a difficult time, maybe she feels like she wants something of her own to love unconditionally and to care for?

But the fact that she leaves the missed pills lying around is a bit odd, why not leave them in the pack or dispose of them? So maybe this is attention seeking behaviour?

Either way it sounds as if you are doing all you can - talking to her, accompanying her to the doctor etc and I agree that longer term contraception is the way forward.

MrsLundyBancroft · 23/05/2014 12:23

Thank you.

I was wondering the same about having her own little thing to love and thinking it will love her. But she's always been realistic about babies. She was ten when I had her first brother and nearly fourteen when I had her second brother so she knows it's not all baby powder and fancy prams.

And again re the attention seeking. But she has more attention than any of them right now. I have dropped everything many times over the last year and more to run to her when she needs me. The school laugh about it with me (in a sympathetic way) that I should have my own reserved spot in the car park. That ds2 knows his way around the high school etc.

I don't know. I'm losing the plot here!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page