Advice to help poor DD?

7 replies

abbeytheadviceseeker · 18/05/2014 16:52

Hi all, I'm a newbie here so be gentle!
I'm looking for advice with regards to my daughter;
DD is 16 and has been going out with her bf for around a year now, they were very close and showed no signs of breaking up etc. Bf texted dd earlier and asked her to meet him at a local cafe so they could talk. Dd was confused about this and I could tell that she was anxious as well. Long story short she came back around an hour ago in tears and on the verge of being inconsolable, I asked her what was wrong and she said her and bf have broken up. I gave her a big hug and asked what happened, in shock myself. Her reply being "he told me he's gay and has feelings for a boy at another school, he says he still loves me and always will but not in THAT way and that we would always be friends." I don't know how it was left. I reassured her and said that boys come and go and that sooner or later someone special will come along. To be completely honest I am genuinely speechless and have no idea how to react or what else to say, as he is the last person I would have expected to be gay. I'm heartbroken for dd as she was truly infatuated with him and I genuinely thought it would last. I've decided I'm going to take her shopping after school tomorrow and treat her but I have no idea how else to deal with it, do I talk to her and try to give some sort of advice or do I leave her to get it all out of her system and then broach it again. She is very upset and I'm not the most experienced with break ups, as me and dh have been going strong since our mid teens. It breaks my heart to see her in such a state. any advice would be greatly appreciated x

OP posts:

ancientbuchanan · 18/05/2014 17:18

Poor her.

Tell her that some people take time to find out, that also it takes a lot of courage still to come out in most cases, That a lot of people explore that sexuality in different ways at this stage. That it's natural.

That he must respect her to tell her rather than just dump her with no reason and leave her to find out. That's if you think he's telling the truth.

That because this has happened does not mean that what they had at the beginning was invalidated.

bidibidi · 18/05/2014 17:37

At least she knows it's not about her, it's nothing she did wrong or was in any way inadequate. He must have liked her a lot all the same. Lots of listening & hand-holding, I think.

Original poster

abbeytheadviceseeker · 18/05/2014 20:44

Thanks for the replies ladies! Much appreciated :)
She's still very upset but has calmed down a good bit from earlier. We've had a chat over a cup of tea, biscuits and we watched a movie to cheer her up. I've reassured her that she has done nothing wrong and it's better to find out asap via him than a few months down the line by one of his mates.

OP posts:

heyday · 18/05/2014 21:05

Remember that song? First cut is the deepest? Her first broken heart and it's gonna hurt like hell. Sounds like you are doing everything right to support her. She may get some stick at school once everyone knows she got dumped for a boy so just be aware. Other than that just keep on with the TLC and let time heal her very hurting heart.

Dancergirl · 18/05/2014 23:04

Yes exactly heydey. Whatever the reason, it's really painful. I remember splitting up with my boyfriend when I was 16, I cried non stop for the first 2 days.

OP, you sound like a lovely mum. Just be there for her, it will take time but she WILL feel better.

chocoluvva · 19/05/2014 20:31

Aww. Your poor DD.

Acknowledge her feelings - sympathise with how rubbish it is when a relationship ends. You could reassure her that she will gradually get over this and that most people have been in a relationship that has been ended by the other person so they will understand and be sympathetic.

Encourage her to have plenty of social activities happening to take her mind off this.

(My first boyfriend turned out to be gay too -sigh).

mathanxiety · 21/05/2014 19:54

Lots of TLC for your DD for the next little while. It will be tough for her for a while. A nice morning getting her nails done might be an idea for the weekend? It's hard to face school when a relationship ends and hopefully she has friends who will rally around.

Fwiw, imo the BF did the right thing even though your DD is so brokenhearted. Hopefully he told the truth and it wasn't some plausible story he concocted. (My first and so far only husband turned out to be gay, or possibly bi, but a cheater either way. Better to know early than waste any more time on a romantic relationship).

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