My son cant sleep and I cant cope anymore please help!

[blondebird69]

My son is nearly 13 and has been having problems for nearly 3 months. Forgive me for the long post.
It started with him not wanting to be the only one awake in the house so he would constantly ask what time DH and I were going to bed. We work shifts so sometimes we would be in bed early and other times later. Lately we have started to go to bed earlier and he was getting very worked up asking constantly from about 5pm what time we were going to bed.
Now it has got to the point where he goes to bed but cannot sleep. Last night I was shattered having been up since 5am the day before. DH went to bed at 10 as he was up today at 5am. DS went into bed at 10 and then kept coming into our room saying he could not sleep. He was still awake at 1.30 am this morning and I am afraid I just lost it. I was crying with tiredness and all he could say was he is frightened and I am not helping him.
I have tried with the usual baths, music, reading, no caffiene etc but nothing seems to be helping. I have taken him to the GP who says it is anxiety and to the local teenage drop in centre who suggested chanting an writing stuff down but he says this has not helped.
I lost my mother only 8 weeks ago and this stress ontop of that is just too much and I just dont know how much more I can take. DS had sleep problems before his nan passed so it is not that but I will admit it has been worse since then.
He was having problems at school and DH and I have spoken to the school and things seem a little better.
Can anyone offer any advice because I just dont know what to do anymore. I have to do a late shift at work this afternoon on little sleep and just cannot face another night like that tonight when I return home at 10pm. I love my DS but feel so tired and angry with it all at the moment.

It sounds as if he would benefit from talk therapy, can you take him back to the gp and ask for a referral? If he has that level of anxiety he deserves help. When my dd went through a bad patch with sleeping melatonin and chamomile tea helped. As an interim thing can you put a mattress on the floor of your room then if he is frightened in the middle of the night he can come in and sleep with you but not wake you up? I'm afraid I lost it a couple of times with dd as well, we're only human, don't beat yourself up about it.

Hello blonde

I'm sorry you're having a tough time of it atm. After so little sleep, and everything else on top, it feels like its the end of the world. I know. I've been there.

I would take a deep breath and ask your son exactly whats bothering him - if he can tell you... and sometimes, they can't. Its a start. If there is something you can fix, then start there.

Re the fact he hates being the only one awake, I'd make his regular bed time about 9, when you're around and awake.

Then I'd start to do a few of these things... get him in a warm bath and maybe chat to him about his day while he's in there, spritz lavender oil on his pillow, get him into drinking this <a class="break-all" href="//:www.celestialseasonings.com/products/sleepytime-teas/sleepytime" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Sleepytime Tea, get him to make a list before he goes to sleep of anything thats bothering him, or that he needs to do the next day, ban ALL games, TV, phones etc for AT LEAST an hour before going upstairs, and no caffeine either.

Lastly, get him to imagine while in bed (and I did this while sitting in the room) that his brain is being cleared of all thoughts, I got DS to imagine a large brush, brushing out a 'space' in his head. The get him to envisage somewhere warm and comfortable where he can relax.

Obviously don't try all the above at once. Maybe you and your DS have a chat about what he'd be comfortable with.

I tell you all this from experience as my DS (nearly 16) has had similar issues. We're nearly there...!

Meanwhile, treat yourself gently, too.

Hi, I think you posted before and I replied then but to repeat we have had some success with DS1 (15) using hypnotherapy. Actually, we tentatively thought we had cracked it but have just had a couple of really bad nights. He couldn't come up with a reason for this. Although he has exams next week, this has not bothered him before. He tends to have one bad night for whatever reason and then this kicks the whole thing off as he then worries about not sleeping the next night and so on.

I feel your pain and as I said before, making sure he has things to do if he cant get to sleep ie. music to listen to, book to read etc has helped a bit with the anxiety of lying awake staring into the dark while everyone else is asleep.