My 13 year old daughter is too shy and introverted.

[Sobanoodledoodle]

I am worried about my 13 year old daughter, she is a lovely girl, she is clever, artistic and musical but she is also very shy and introverted.

She was always shy but when she was younger she did have a friends she played with. In recent years she seems to have retreated from her peers and prefers to read, draw or play music on her own. She is creative and sensitive and while I admire those qualities in her I worry that she will not develop all the skills she needs to succeed in life.

My husband gets very frustrated with her. He was a professional sportsman when he was younger and he is by nature competitive and achievement driven. He forced her to take up a sport so she swims and she enjoys it but again it is something she does alone. He was furious when a couple of years ago she became vegetarian but he has accepted it now.

We have 2 older boys 15 and 18, they don't ignore her but they are busy with their own lives sport, school and their friends. My 15 year old son does have a friend who takes an interest in my daughter, he is arty and often he will stop to talk to her and they swap music and books. Again my husband doesn't approve of his interest in her although I don't think its serious. She is a beautiful girl and well developed for her age but she seems embarrassed and covers up in baggy clothes most of the time.

We discovered a while ago that she was downloading films from the internet, when they turned out to be arthouse films and the like we got her a lovefilm membership instead which she loves.

I think I accept how she is a bit better than my husband, she isn't a goth or emo type just introverted but my husband tries to drag her out her shell. He adores her, he really does probably more so than the boys though I shouldn't say that but his love makes him hard on her where he sees the potential for her to be hurt.

I see other girls her age all out together, having fun, dressed up and I get upset when I think of my girl all on her own. She is already missing out on so much.

Is there anything I can or should do to help her?

My dd was a 13yr old introverted emo she lived in a hood and behind hair she is now an adult stil bit indie still introverted but working just finished uni and set herself up as freelance engineer meh shy introverted people dont need brought out of their shell or forced to compete or socialise they do just fine

well developed for her age but she seems embarrassed and covers up in baggy clothes most of the time

This is normal. I remember wearing a lot of baggy clothes between about 12-15, because I too was an early developer and I hated having boobs and a bottom when so many of my friends were still skinny and undeveloped.

I think your DH is being too harsh on her. We can't all be extroverts! I agree that you both should try and meet her half-way - ask to watch things she enjoys with her, or agree on a mutually enjoyable film that you can watch and chat about with her afterwards. Rather than trying to force her to be more like him, your DH should try to get to know who his DD actually is. As parents its not our job to force our DC to be mini versions of us, its to raise the DC we get, accept them as they are, and help them to be the best they can be. Now sometimes that means encouraging a shy DC to try new things - as you're already doing - but berating her for her natural personality is not going to pay any positive dividends.