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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Cutting

5 replies

Harleyheather22 · 13/05/2014 17:24

I'm the mum of a 15 yr old female teenager. She has loving parents with a very small family unit. Over the last 6 month's we've had teenager issues where she's caused us panic and worry, like not coming home when she should or missing from school and generally getting mixed up with the wrong crowd. But thankfully that seem's to have stopped. My daughter lacks confidence and been an only child I think she finds that difficult. My daughter will open up to us but this can be hit and miss..... depending on how she feel's. But this February when her relationship ended we found out she had been cutting her arms and leg, we got my daughter to open up about why and how she felt and "said because of her boyfriend" and she felt lonely and missed him. We felt after that things became better but I kept finding this book in her room containing all things she felt, drawings of her self with " ugly, refusing to sink, and I refuse to give in. Then one drawing with a figure hanging from a tree. We consulted the school and my daughter has been seeing the nurse there, everything seemed to be going well with her she has a new boyfriend and hopefully starts a Saturday job this weekend. Then yesterday I noticed she had cut her arm again, she denied it and got defensive about it. She won't talk about it and say's we should believe her and won't show us her arm.... although I can see it. I'm going to ring the nurse at school and see if she can give me any help and advise. I'm finding it really hard and its taking its toll, I find myself feeling like I've failed and because our relationship with my husband is so good, I feel like that might start to crack soon. Any advise from anyone would be good.

OP posts:
ihatehousework2 · 13/05/2014 21:11

first of all, you've not failed, otherwise you wouldn't be concerned about her.
have you shared your concerns with your husband ? He is going to be your rock and you will need him. good idea talking to the nurse and maybe the Samaritans can help you too? they are knowledgeable in these areas. you need to decide whether dd is able to talk to you and perhaps try to express your love , support and understanding ?
please use these ideas as you please but you know your own situation. you sound like a caring person.

GnomeDePlume · 15/05/2014 12:41

Absolutely you have not failed.

When my DD resorted to cutting for a short time she did it to cope with a situation she was not emotionally equipped to deal with.

The best advice I had was - first dont panic (I know it is difficult to do this!)

We decided to focus on the thing DD was trying to cope with rather than the cutting itself.

We helped her develop strategies which dealt with the situation and tried to help her to see that cutting wasnt solving the problem but that other things could actually make a difference.

liveoutloud · 16/05/2014 18:17

I totally feel for you. My daughter is almost 13 and started communicating with some people online, who are apparently depressed and into cutting. She also posted that she was cutting but I did not notice anything at all. I do believe that she is just role playing as she is having difficulties fitting- in in her real life. I am still concerned that eventually, if she continues to communicate with these people she will start cutting and became depressed. She would not stop this communication and I am thinking about taking the IPod away. I have no idea what to do. Feel so stupid and inadequate as a parent right now.

GnomeDePlume · 16/05/2014 23:28

My advice is to keep talking. DD went through this but she has come out with huge appreciation of teenage mental health issues - to the point where the school is involving her as a teenage mental health advocate.

liveoutloud · 18/05/2014 03:58

OMG people I just found out that my daughter started SH. So, no, she was not roll-playing, she was thinking about it for real. I am not sure what to say. I talked to her, I tried my best to do the right thing and not make it worse but I have no idea what the right thing actually is. I do not know anything about this; I have never known anybody who did it. I would like to help her but I feel like I am dying and do not know if I can survive one more day of this feeling I have inside, the pain is unbearable. Oh, I hope it does not last too long. Will it?

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