DD is hurt over DH and birthday?

[mumtoateen]

DD turns 15 in 11 days. She's started to complain that her dad never gets involved in present buying. She says it "hurts" because DH never does anything more than watch her open them. I see her point, but DH is busy, and never really gets involved.
What do I do? Don't know who to go with, DH is useless with girls (3 sons), but on the other had, DD seems to be pretty hurt by this, and he never even signs her card. Any advice?

Your missing the point back

It's not about whether he buys the present or not, but about how little he knows about her or shows an interest in her.

He doesn't even sign the card.

And if he's not like that with the three boys then of course the Ds is going to feel upset

Dd

Is he more of a parent to his sons than his dd?

er, no Giles - I'm replying to the OP's statement :

She's started to complain that her dad never gets involved in present buying. She says it "hurts" because DH never does anything more than watch her open them. I see her point, but DH is busy, and never really gets involved

Why doesn't he teach your DD to play golf? He needs to do something with her. He needs to take some interest in her - I'm surprised you have let it go on this long.

Getting involved in buying presents doesn't mean buying them!

It means having an opinion. Knowing your dd well enough to make a suggestion.

Or maybe even enjoying watching the present or using the present together.

Anything other than sitting there watching her open a present he is as surprised about as she is.

You seem rather passive about something which is clearly upsetting your DD a lot. Do you think 'useless with girls' is an adequate excuse for not:

• signing her card
• taking her bowling or golfing or dry slope ski-ing or to the cinema
• being involved in her life?

I think she's trying to tell you she feels that her dad doesn't love her. He needs to fix this. Who the fuck is too busy to sign their child's card? I'm guessing Barack Obama probably finds the time. So what's your DH's excuse?

He could try... The presents from my mum rarely mean a huge amount to me as she's always bought me lots of things buy when my dad buys me something he's picked himself it's special because with my mum being female she picks most of my presents.
My dad gave me a little maltese cross he got on holiday in his late teens and I wear it attached to a necklace from my aunt and I rarely take it off.

Well, he could start by buying a card for her!
Even a bloody voucher would be better than nothing.
It takes no effort to notice what perfume she wears or to buy some decent bubble bath/chocolate/flowers.
He needs to make a little effort or this relationship will slowly disintegrate.

Can't agree with that at all, Smartiepants.
I don't ever recall my Dad buying me a present - I loved him dearly. My dh doesn't tend to get involved in the present buying either - he has a great relationship with both our dds. Maybe some people put too much store by the material side of all this ?