16yo daughter wants to move out.

[LostUnsure]

Ok, so I'm new here but feeling very desperate at the moment.
Having one of those moments where I feel like my family is falling apart.
My oldest daughter is pulling away from me lately and has said tonight that her and her boyfriend want to buy a caravan and live together at his house. Sounds totally ridiculous to me.
I'm so hurt. I try so hard to make things good for her at home. Her boyfriend is allowed to stay over, is a lovely boy and has become part of the family.
She's been seeing a counsellor for depression.
I had cancer 18 months ago which we think is where her depression has stemmed from.
I just feel really hopeless as a parent right now. Seeing other families with perfect kids getting good marks at school, doing the right thing, respecting their parents.
How do they do it? Where have I gone wrong.
So frustrated I just want to scream at her but I'm sure that will make things worse and I'm afraid then she'll just leave.
So what do I do? Wait and hope they don't save enough money for a caravan? Just let her make mistakes and learn? Be really tough and battle with her every day?
It all just seems impossible.

Take my word for it very very few families are perfect, and to me you sound like a normal mum. I left home at 16 (I had tried to leave home at 13 and 14 too but the police kept bringing me home) and tho I didn't know it at the time I suffered from depression. I got a job in a different city and I moved out. On that day my mum gave me a place mat that said 'if you love them let them go if they come back they're yours if they don't they never were' I came back (several times) 16 may seem very young to you and me but I bet your dd feels real grown up.

There is no perfect answer but if you trust her and her boyfriend let her go but be there when she needs you which she almost certainly will. Constant fighting will just push her away faster and further.

Good luck xxx

I left home at 17 to live with my boyfriend, my mum didn't think it would last and made that vey clear, I barely wanted to be in the same room as her but she made me keep my key and said if I ever wanted to come home to just open the door and walk in.
I never have, I am still married to the boyfriend many years and 2 kids later. However my mum and I are now very close.

I echo what Natellie says, OP. My DS was 17 when he decided he was moving to another city several hours away to live with pals. Despite misgivings we let him go and two years later he's still there having made a life for himself. He's grown up so much and I am proud of what he has achieved. Tell your DD she's welcome to leave and also welcome to return and you'll always be there for her. It is very hard to make the transition from child-teen to adult not only for her but you too. Good luck.

Good advice from all above. Different I know but just taken my 17+ 3 week old to join the navy. Empty nest awful. But you have to let them make their own choices/mistakes. Keep on telling her that this will always be her home and the door is always open. I feel for you

Try not to be hurt Lost - many a 16YO who has a loving family has said similar I'm sure. My DD said she wanted to move out shortly after her 16th birthday when we had had a row about her boyfriend. (the following day she came down with a hideous cold and no more was said about it).

I completely understand what you mean about other teenagers respecting their parents and working hard. I think some teenagers are just very strong willed regardless of their parents and go through a phase of thinking that their parents know nothing about anything.

Your post struck a chord with me as my DD was a similar age two and a half years ago when I had cancer.

The worst that could happen IMO is that your DD does move into a caravan with her BF, but even if she did, I doubt she'd last long in it. It would be a great novelty for a while....

If you can manage it, try not to advise her against it - she'll probably change her mind anyway. The only way you could influence her to not move out will be to get her to think the practicalities through for herself but if it's fraught just now you're better to leave it for a while.

No family is perfect and what may seem on the surface to be good is most probably very different behind closed doors.

My family isn't perfect and my dd did leave home at 25 to live with her dad, she had her readons , and came home left again came back and now is gone again! But we are close.

They need time to push away from their family and if they are allowed to I am sure become closer

Don't take it personel it isn't meant to hurt they don't mean it to hurt