love struck 18 year old

[cawworried68]

Help.Daughter has been with bf for 3 years who is nearly a year younger than her but was in same school year. recently daughter has been seeing older boy. we knew and told our daughter that it was wrong but went along with it to show her 'more fish in the sea' and we saw how much happier she was with the older one and how stale the other relationship appeared. Now17 year old bf and his family have found out. Despite bf knowing shes been sleeping with this other one for 6 months and he has been out with us on family occasions he has dumped her 3 times in last month but then taken her back. each time she has run to older one who has known about bf all the time. shes too scared to end with bf as worried she will lose her circle of friends cos they are his friends too and that everyone will talk about her. bf now given her rules for their relationship and asks her to take pictures to show she is alone! he's recently passed test and got car which he uses as his power to control when and where they go.His family obviously upset but told us in rude texts that he is using her until something better comes along. daughter cant see how controlling he is and how things cant go back to how they were as his family not talking to her and we are not talking to bf as cant believe how he stupid he is being and not facing facts.every chat i have with my daughter ends in a row and me in tears and her going off out with bf. Breaking my heart to see her in this situation but she cant see how shes being brainwashed and too weak to end it.

I'm afraid it's her choice to make and nothing you say is going to influence it. The thought of ending a long relationship will be scary for her, but sooner or later it will end and things will sort themselves out.

In the meantime, try not to comment or try to persuade her what to do. If you are calm about this your DD will be more able to see past the drama and make a sensible decision about this situation.

I just can't see her as the victim.

If I'm reading this right she cheated on her bf and has behaved fairly despicably over a 6 month period? I'm not surprised that her bf no longer trusts her, or that his family don't like her, or that her friendship group are likely to side with her bf.

If bf has 'taken her back 3 times' then presumably she has asked him to do so?

She just needs to make a choice, stop messing people about and then stick to it. If she's too daft to do that then there's not much you can do about it except keep offering good advice when asked, voice disapproval where appropriate and give her a hug when she needs it.