naughty 13 year old dd! advice needed

[lucydaniels4658]

My DD is 13 and has always struggled academically the problem is she used to try now she doesnt even bother trying ever! She used to be very sensitive about her academic achievements but was polite and followed staff requests ! She has been on report for months on end and just continues to get worse ! In other ways she is a very sensible teenager i have no concerns on any huge rebellion (smoking ,drinking boys ect!) she is generally ok at home she is very lazy with helping out aroundthe house and would rather spend 24/7 with friends anddoes the whole "your the worst mum ever bit " when i say no (pretty average i think!!)! She is drawn to very strong characters who eventually tend to chip away at her confidence eventually more or less bullying her !I have tried to guide her but she doesnt listen im hoping she will learn her lesson or just become better at standing up for herself! Ithink all the anger she feels socially are taken out on me and the teachers !She backchats teachers constantly accuses them of "picking on her" if they challenge her behaviour ,talks to her friends non stop ,is hyperactive in class and very rarely produces any work announcing she cant do it as soon as she sees it she says shes "thick and stupid " daily ! She has made no progress result wise for 3 years and im really worried for her future ! The teachers are very negative with her but she needs to learn to do it for herself rather than for the teachers !She views it as "you hate me so not doin your work" but really shes punishing herself! At home she is quite compliant well as much as any teen girl but requires an immense amount of reassurance over everything and gets very anxious about friendship issues !I really dont know what to do to motivate her !

Can you afford a private assessment?

And the thing is - the 'I love you' and 'sausages' shit IS just being a pita to the teacher. If she was 7, it WOULD be just being naughty. Naughty is a dumb word for a teen though. Deliberately disruptive is more likely. She might be using it as a coping mechanism, but the effects on the teacher and the class are effectively going to disbar her - it's not the teachers that are not helping, she is refusing to be helped - if she wants support and to be taken seriously, she has to understand that she needs to stop disrupting the class, and put some effort in. It's fairly obvious that it's the lack of effort and the backchat that is pissing off the teachers, not the inattention in and of itself. It's not uncommon, but it's just pissing around and she needs to understand that she has to work with the teachers and everyone else and give herself a chance.

It's okay for her to say everyone has dismissed her and she's thick, but she's turning it into a self-fulfilling prophecy. She doesn't have to like academics. It's perfectly fine for her to choose to do something else with her life, but she isn't giving herself the chance to do that at the moment, and she needs some support to find a way. Disrupting everyone else's education is unacceptable in the interim.

There has been a bit of a mood swing of late (helped by Percy Jackson series) and a lot of emphasis on the positives about being ADHD.

There are also loads of books, webinars, and you-tube stuff about ADHD, including stuff aimed at teens. Get googling ;-)