trivial, but...

[chocoluvva]

would any of you leave your 17.5 YO on their own in the house for four nights? She is going to a party one night and to a friends another. Therefore she is adamant that she wouldn't have a party - five friends would be invited round one night. Her BF (18) would probably stay over a couple of times.

We left DD1 (then 17) last year in similar circumstances and in fact she also had her DB(15) to look after (make sure he washed and ate) for a couple of days.

She had a few friends over one evening. There was no trouble. DD understood the rules and why they existed. We will be going away again this year and leaving DD in charge of DS & DD2.

In my view once DCs are teenagers and capable of being left then they should not be made to go on family visits. DH feels strongly about this as his DPs forced him to go visiting family and he hated it.

Sometimes DH defers to me for no apparent reason. Eg DD might phone to ask if she can stay over at a friend's - DH usually replies 'ask mum'.

Recently I've been telling DD she doesn't need to ask as long as she lets us know where she is. She's usually pretty good at telling us she's on her way home etc. We usually know where she is.

DS goes out with his mates frequently. DH doesn't tend to ask him what he's been doing when he gets in.

x-posted with Gnome

We don't see family very often - it's a long drive.But they never come to us and it can be quite hard going at theirs. DH is fine with DD waiting until the summer to visit them. It's the safety/possible damage to the house that concerns him.

I think your DD is deserving of a proper explanation rather than just a 'because I said so'. IMO that sort of non explanation is very disrespectful both to you and your DD. Insulting you is downright rude.

So do I. He offered no explanation of how he thinks she might cause damage/get into trouble.

The name calling is a different matter. I've been saying as little as possible to him since then without letting the DC see IYSWIM. I don't think he has noticed.

If he continues to refuse to apologise I just don't know what I can do. I know it's unacceptable. I don't talk to him like that.

I'm afraid you are on the wrong thread. Your DD isnt the problem, your DH is (IMO).

Update if anyone is interested.

I managed to properly discuss it with DH who said DD could stay provided that she agreed to having no friends in the house. She agreed without hesitation and we came back to find the house cleaner and tidier than when we left it.

I suspect her BF stayed over one of the nights though.