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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

12 year old dd wants to do NOTHING during Easter holidays

28 replies

PurpleSproutingBroccoli · 14/04/2014 09:31

Is that unusual?

Yesterday, for example, she didn't even get dressed. Stayed in bed for the entire day watching Dan & Phil videos. From the amount of giggling coming from her room she was happy enough, but still... When called to do a few chores, she did them happily enough, but then went back into bed. She has no plans to see friends (doesn't have many in secondary yet and her best/most local friend isn't available) but we live rurally so that isn't unusual.

That surely can't be healthy, either mentally or physically? She's actually my second dd, but dd1 has always been the charging around, into-everything type so we didn't go through this stage. Her sister is away on a school trip just now so our house is very quiet. I did manage to persuade her out for a walk on Sunday, which she moaned about but was happy enough with after we'd been out a while. I asked her last night if she'd like to do something together today and she said she couldn't think of anything. I said I could think of something and she made it clear she'd do it if I insisted but would really rather not. At times it's almost as if she's deliberately acting the part of a typical skulking teenager (lots of ironic languishing "Do leave me alone, mother, I wish to sit in the dark" - or comical hissing at the light if I open her curtains.

I suppose I'm worried that she'll get depressed or unhealthy, as I most certainly would if I did that. Should I leave her to it, or turf her out of bed at some ungodly hour like 11.30 and drag her out to play badminton with me?

OP posts:
PurpleSproutingBroccoli · 14/04/2014 09:33

*Sunday should be Saturday ! Not that it matters, but...

OP posts:
dimsum123 · 14/04/2014 09:36

Maybe allow every other day in bed and do stuff on the other days?

HolidayCriminal · 14/04/2014 09:42

Some kids are homebodies, just like some adutls.

HolidayCriminal · 14/04/2014 09:42

(just like some people can type without typos and some ppl cant)

Martorana · 14/04/2014 09:44

Does she have things she has to do? Housework, homework, music practice?

Selendra · 14/04/2014 09:45

People relax in different ways. Maybe she wants a bit of alone time to relax? I still sometimes need a day in bed to recover from things and her age what's the harm? Maybe give her a few days to it then plan something really fun.

LaurieFairyCake · 14/04/2014 09:46

She sounds genuinely happy

PurpleSproutingBroccoli · 14/04/2014 09:48

:) HC - yes, I was thinking of alternating it a bit. I'm not asking her to spend every day heartily hiking up and down mountains, but a little bit of interaction now and then would be nice. Her sister is home tomorrow but will either be busy with GCSE revision or charging about the country with her friends.

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 14/04/2014 09:48

Ds2 and ds3, 15 and 14, are homebodies too. They rarely want to venture out.

PurpleSproutingBroccoli · 14/04/2014 09:51

She has a few light housework chores (hoovering, dishwasher), which she does without complaint when asked. She has some homework/revision for exams after Easter but has 2 weeks off so is leaving that for the second week. She doesn't want to do any big outings without her sister, so we're leaving that until dd1 gets back and recovered from her trip, but as we have to fit that around dd1's GCSE revision there may not be much opportunity for many big days anyway.

OP posts:
PurpleSproutingBroccoli · 14/04/2014 09:54

Bowlers, do your two do things together at home, or skulk individually? I'm used to hearing about teenage boys doing this, but girls not so much.

OP posts:
PeriPathetic · 14/04/2014 10:06

Normal here. It's driving me nuts! But I just cannot get her out of bed to do anything. I'm kinda used to it now and realise she needs her rest: growing, hormones etc.

crazykat · 14/04/2014 10:10

She sounds like me. Before I had DCs I would always spend the first day of holidays/Easter weekend in bed till the afternoon or even all day just relaxing. Now its a distant memory and I'm up before 6am.

As pp have said everyone is different and wind down in different ways. You say she was happy enough to do her chores round the house when asked so I wouldn't worry too much. If she was spending all day every day sat in her room doing nothing and wouldn't get up when asked I'd be worried.

I'd let her have a couple of days doing what she wants and if she still wants to just stay in bed then I'd try getting her out of the house for a few hours.

Nocomet · 14/04/2014 10:10

DD2(13) hasn't done a huge amount (one shopping trip with me, while DD1 was away), lots of TV and DVDs, there's been Dr Who this morning. Lots of YouTube.

Also lots of trampolining, DD does gymnastics and her desire to practice endless back flips (while unnerving to watch) is a godsend for getting her away from screens.

Surprisingly she has only lined up one lot of DFs to meet up. Partly people are away and partly I think she just wants to chill.

17leftfeet · 14/04/2014 10:15

Have you got my daughter living at your house?

I thought she'd been quiet!

Grin
ladygracie · 14/04/2014 10:15

Mine is 13 & is a total homebody. More when at her dad's than mine though which I find interesting. She's not seen her friends much & I sometimes worry about it but she's the happiest child I know so it obviously isn't an issue.
I agree with the every other day idea. I'm currently trying to get mine to come running with me as she is unfit & needs to lose a bit of weight.

Bowlersarm · 14/04/2014 10:16

OP-they do things individually, but in the same room. All the gadgets, TV, Xbox etc are in a playroom/den, so at least they are in the main bit of the house and together. But they don't converse a lot with each other! Ds1 has never been like this, he always wants to be out of the house at any opportunity(like your dd1?)

PurpleSproutingBroccoli · 14/04/2014 10:21

Yes, dd1 seems to never be in - and when she is, she's either involved in some grand arty scheme or asleep, having run herself into the ground. If anything I worry about her being too much the other way as she never "just chills". I'd take dd2 to the gym with me but have done my hip in - maybe I'll get our bikes out later.

OP posts:
thornrose · 14/04/2014 10:21

My 14 yo dd has spent the first week mainly in her room! We've had a couple of short trips out but that's it.

I'm pleased she has lined up stuff with a friend tomorrow and Wednesday.

DD hates school and just loves being away from it without any pressures or demands on her. She struggles socially so I get her need for a bit of solitude, I mainly leave her to it.

I think if they seem to be happy at home it's ok, different if they were miserable.

BalloonSlayer · 14/04/2014 10:28

DS1 is like this. He doesn't really need a body - he could be a brain in a jar connected to the internet.

BackforGood · 14/04/2014 10:50

I too think it's pretty normal.
Am glad it's just coming to my 12 yr old - I can finally start to relax over the holidays.
There are still things they fit in, that they want to do, in our house, and of course the odd job like the dentist, but around that, I'm happy for mine to just chill.

route1 · 14/04/2014 19:01

Grin at BalloonSlayer, my 14 year-old ds exactly the same.

Bonsoir · 14/04/2014 19:05

I don't think it does DC any good at all to lounge in bed all day, unless they are ill or exceptionally tired. My DC have activities/holidays/revision and if all else fails we go to the cinema or shop for food and cook together.

MrsBrianODriscoll · 14/04/2014 19:08

The soon to be 13 yr old that I gave birth to, appears to have morphed into a duvet on the sofa. Grin

He plays hockey every Saturday evening for an hour, has three sessions of PE a week, trains for rugby for an hour on a Wednesday and then two hours of rugby on a Sunday.

When school and sport are out, he kicks back. He will go to the rec with his mates a few times but that will be the extent of his exertion.

dingit · 14/04/2014 19:08

Thanks this makes me feel better. We were at centre parcs last week. Today ds 12 wanted to spend all day on his x box. We had a row about it Hmm