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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Sad and proud at the same time. Come and tell me he'll be ok.

25 replies

TheOneWithTheHair · 11/04/2014 19:04

Ds1 is about to turn 18. He's determined to move out. He's been working full time for the last 10 months and wants his independence. I have no reason to stop him and I completely understand his desire to live his own life. He's sensible and consciencious and never caused me a sleepless night in his teen years. I'm very, very proud of him.

However, I'm sad that my pfb will be leaving soon and terrified something bad will happen to him. (I know the last bit is somewhat irrational as something bad could happen where ever he lives.)

I just feel lost and stressed and sad and I want to cry. How long until this passes? Has anyone got any words/experience that can reassure me please?

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 11/04/2014 19:05

Aww, have a

Sad, bittersweet times, eh

AnyFucker · 11/04/2014 19:06

Where and what will he be moving to?

Original poster

TheOneWithTheHair · 11/04/2014 19:09

Thanks AnyFucker. He's not moving more than 5 miles. He wants a studio flat and he knows he can afford it. Some landlords want a guarantor which we will do. We haven't found one willing to rent to an 18yr old yet though so I may have a reprieve there.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 11/04/2014 19:11

Then he will still be close. That is a small mercy

Original poster

TheOneWithTheHair · 11/04/2014 19:16

It is. :)

I get a bit panicky when I think about him going home to an empty flat though.

It will be good for him, I know, and he'll be closer to work and friends. So many advantages for him but he seems so young still and not as street wise as I was.

I moved out at 17 under a black cloud and I'm pleased I can be there for him in a way my parents weren't for me but I still don't want him to go! :(

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 11/04/2014 19:19

Does he want a room mate?

I have an 18yo I could do to offload

AnyFucker · 11/04/2014 19:20

He will be fine

And if something goes a bit awry you will not be far

Be brave, fair maiden !

JeanSeberg · 11/04/2014 19:30

Look at it as somewhere you can visit and go round for a brew/meal.

Hope all goes well for you both.

Original poster

TheOneWithTheHair · 11/04/2014 20:56

Unfortunately he's vetoed the idea of a room mate.

JeanSeberg, he's promised me and dh a nice meal. At least I know it'll be good as he's a chef.

Would it be unreasonable to get him to text me every night when he gets home so I know he is ok? I'm only half joking!

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 11/04/2014 20:58

Itsfab · 11/04/2014 20:59

Suggest he gets a cat then he won't go home to an empty flat. I know my cat was huge comfort to me when I left my ex and bought my own flat. It was lovely coming home to someone .

Original poster

TheOneWithTheHair · 11/04/2014 21:03

Aww Stealth, I can still text him every day though, right?!

It's hard enough trying to find him somewhere to rent because of his age, never mind with a pet in tow.

OP posts:

Dolallytats · 11/04/2014 21:24

My DD moved out a couple of years ago after being offered a HA flat (we were overcrowded and a 1 bed came available before a 3 bed) and I worry about her being on her own and she lives less than 5 minutes away!

Just to let you know, she calls me when she goes out AND gets in....I know she is an adult, but she is also my baby! I will let her stop at some point, but not yet

Universal · 11/04/2014 21:32

He sounds lovely. You'll see him more than you think and have the most wonderful open and adult conversations with him when he arrives hungry on your doorstep.

Original poster

TheOneWithTheHair · 11/04/2014 21:55

Thanks Dolallytats, good to know I'm not the only one.

He is lovely Universal but he won't come for food. He has it at work and he's doing 60+ hrs per week atm.

He's an inadvertent m'net success story actually. He was job hunting in June last year when I saw this job advertised on a m'net meet up. He went in with his cv the next day and the rest is history.

Stealth, you were there that night!

OP posts:

chocoluvva · 14/04/2014 22:32

Aww. He sounds fantastic.

Where does the time go, and all that.....

Deathraystare · 17/04/2014 22:38

Don't worry he will still come to you with a bag full of washing and if he is free at the weekend will enjoy mum's cooking!!!

Might be nice to get a 'red cross parcel' ready with a few bits of food and cleaning stuff (plus cloths) or maybe a supermarket card with some money on it.

Of course he knows you will be there for him but let him know anyway! Presumably you have had a chat about budgeting, paying for utilities etc?

Mrswellyboot · 17/04/2014 22:43

Your son sounds lovely, op

This is exactly what I would want for my son. To be thoughtful, hardworking and independent.

(He's still in nappies so ask me again nearer the time )

All jokes aside, you've done a great job. My bil lives with his parents still.. He's 40 !!

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 17/04/2014 22:43

Aww. I moved out at 19 and my mum made me text her every evening when i got home from work for months afterwards! I eventually put my foot down and said i wasnt going to anymore and she was really annoyed. She insisted she had a right to know where i was and that i was safe

singaporefling · 17/04/2014 23:05

Awwww it's sad but inevitable... HE'LL be absolutely fine and you'll sort of become acclimatised to it... eventually.. I've not quite stopped sniffing DS27's abandoned shirts since he moved out recently - and YES I text him everyday with 'jokey' stuff (and throw in the occasional 'miss you/love you' text ) Our youngest of 5 DC's has just turned 16 and "can't wait" to drive/have sex /move out - don't know which one of those worries me the most but eitherway I know I'll be bereft when he DOES go... DD21 is still 'lingering' between studies but I think that'll change later this year and she'll be off. Our "compensation" is toddler GC's and the chance to do stuff again with little people ... Tis all very hard tho isn't it. X

yourlittlesecret · 18/04/2014 13:51

Many 18 year olds will be leaving home soon to live hundreds of miles away when they go to university, probably less grown up and sensible than your DS. He's near enough for you to see him frequently and keep a weatherly eye on him.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 18/04/2014 14:14

My pfb DS once said with dawning awareness,
"You practised parenting on me and DSis will benefit" yup all for DD's benefit.

Hope you feel better after the encouragement here. Your DS is equipped to go out there thanks to you. Your job as his mother won't stop if he's not under your roof!

He is trailblazing and tbh you may not feel any less apprehensive as the others fly the nest but trust him. I am sure you have raised a good lad and he will be near enough to see frequently.

Original poster

TheOneWithTheHair · 18/04/2014 17:31

Thanks everyone. We think we've found him a flat and it's lovely. It's in the city so it's close to work and excitement but a short tram ride home. Best of all it has its own washing machine!

I am feeling much better about things now. I think I just had a little panic about everything. I may need another cry when he actually goess though.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheOneWithTheHair · 18/04/2014 17:31

*goes

OP posts:

FantasticButtocks · 18/04/2014 17:37

I'd be absolutely delighted if either of my DDs (19 & 23) lived that near to me...:(

Sounds like you've done a great job raising him!

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