I think DD is feeling left out

[mrsjay]

Just that really she is 16 and I think she is starting to feel left out with some of her friends, she has nice friends but some of them are starting to move onto the teen party thing and dd is never invited.

She always says oh so n so is at a party and she does look quite sad about it but says she is not bothered, she had a fall out with a few people last week as one of her girl friends has moved onto another group and dd was quite upset about it,I don't know what to say to her apart from the usual ignore them etc, I just feel a bit sad for her that she isn't included ,

What would she want to do instead? How would you feel about letting her have friends (a small group!) on a Saturday night? OK, it's not a party but you have to be prepared to let a group of teenagers take over your livingroom/TV etc for the evening. When I was a teen, I was not one of the 'in' crowd, didn't get invited to many parties etc. however, my mum was happy to have half a dozen teenagers strewn around her livingroom on weekend evenings, she'd feed us (chilli can stretch a long way, even for teenage boys!) and, if he was feeling generous and not drinking wine, dad would offer lifts home. In hindsight, I know it was because they were happier to have us there than hanging around a park drinking cider or whatnot, but it meant I did have a strong core group of friends even if we weren't popular as such.

I think she just wants to be included really our house is tiny 5 people in the livingroom and its full, and am not sure she would want that really, and the parents at these parties are not home I don't think,

I didnt have this with dd1 she went out and about she wasn't a drinker really just seemed to fit in better IYSWIM

Hmm.

She's doing her (Scottish) highers soon isn't she - so on to her last year at school then? IME friendship groups continue to change a bit in sixth year - different classes again, sixth year activities etc

My shy DD has a very time-consuming hobby in common with a lot of her classmates. I don't think she'd have had as active a social life without it. Would your DD get a part-time job or do a group thing like Duke of Edinburgh, volunteer work or similar?

I don't remember many parties when DD was 16 but when there seemed to be several big parties and/or nights out when they turned 17 and 18 - more opportunities IYSWIM.

yes she has a year to go i am sure dd1 was nearer 17 when she got into it all I know they all move on she is looking to volunteer and is going to do her D OE next year well after summer holidays , and has been applying for jobs, It is hard seeing them sad sometimes she isn't shy but really sensitive to change I think that is what she is struggiling with iyswim

Awww. I don't envy teenagers these days - it all seems so complicated.

DD is very poor at suggesting things to her friends - she tends to hang back and wait to be asked; do you think your DD is like that?

I was your dd 35 years ago. What would really have helped me would have been a crystal ball. If I could only have looked into one of those I would have seen myself 3 years later, travelling abroad and making lots of good friends, partying at university with like-minded people, sitting up until all hours in endless discussions.

DD is very poor at suggesting things to her friends - she tends to hang back and wait to be asked; do you think your DD is like that?

yes a little bit