Smoking weed, verbal abuse what to do.

[Blush12]

DS1 19 is smoking weed everyday, is getting verbally abusive. Last weekend it came to a head when after a night in town he came home at 3 in the morning and then took his car while drunk.

This weekend he has done the same, drove the car drunk,he would have also smoked weed, plus he been fighting in town.

He works full time takes home between 260 - 300 a week and getting any money out of him is a nightmare also as he is paying me for the car insurance.

Anytime I try to speak to him he ends up becoming really vocal shouting, telling me to fuck off etc,

I am now at the end of my tether and need advice how to handle the situation.

Put the car insurance in his name, and tell him he needs to move out.

Honestly, he's an adult wood taking the absolute piss.

Maybe it will wake him up, maybe it won't, but you can't live like this, it will make you ill.

Call the police if he is drunk driving.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

I am going to not re insure his car as it's due for renewal.

I am moving in a couple of weeks and I really don't want him to come horrid I know but he has ended up being really an unpleasant person.

Problem solved then, have you told him? A couple of weeks is not very long to find somewhere.

I'm afraid I agree that you should warn him, if he takes the car pissed again you will call the police, if he kills someone, or himself it's you that will feel the guilt.

What a shit situation op.

Been through a similar situation with my son, due to cannabis...it's so addictive. I've learnt, I'm powerless, to detach and to use tough love. If my son was abusive in our house, I phoned the police. I set boundaries, that he couldn't follow, and then told him to leave. That was 2 years ago, he's now living in a supported flat, has counselling, is at college, treats me with respect and has actually thanked me for making him leave home. I now go to Families Anonymous meetings, and my life is now serene. I do not accept the unacceptable and my life is 100% better

I feel guilty that he is like that.

But I have come to the end of my tether so I am going to detach.
I will lay down ground rules for when we move and if he doesn't stick to them I am going to have to do tough love. It will be hard and I will feel upset but he is an adult and I wouldn't accept it from anyone in a relationship so I won't accept it from my son.

I need to stay strong. I feel like I have failed somewhere along the line.

To help me to detach, I remind myself that addiction is a disease, but my son is an adult he makes choices, if he makes the wrong choice then he has to deal with the consequences i.e. his family are not going to bail him out. Also, we do not enable, if he does not have any money for food,electricity, that's his choice as he's probably spent his money on drugs.
You sound as if you are already stronger
Good luck