Is this normal for 13yo girl? Friendship issues.

[VivaLeBeaver]

I really thought that dd had settled down with a group of friends at school. She's got 4 coming for a sleepover next weekend so she's hardly Miss Unpopular.

She's been crying yesterday and this morning because she thinks she is unpopular. There's another girl in her year who's really popular. All of dd's friends like this girl and this girl seems to like them. She doesn't seem to like dd.

So dd will be with her 4 friends and Miss Popular comes over and says to the others "why are you talking to dd". Lots of stuff like this. She's never been horrible or said anything nasty. But does seem to ignore/blank her.

I've given dd advice about concentrate on her friends. If the others do end up sitting with Miss Popular don't allow herself to be sidelined, that she's to sit with them. Even if Miss Popular won't talk to dd, dd can still sit there until Miss Popular goes.

DD reckons that Miss Popular will take all of her friends away. She reckons stuff has happened in classes where they've had to get into groups and Miss Popular has quickly grabbed dd's friends and they've made a group for group work. DD has then had to work with the naughty kids or the boys.

Not really sure if there's anything else I can be telling dd to to to try and improve it all? I'm giving her all the usual advice about what a great person she is, and that you don't need to be liked by everyone as long as you have some friends.

Teen politics are a minefield but in my experience, girls like that soon show their true colours and their new friends will see through her eventually. But in the meantime, your poor DD will have to hang on to her dignity and try not to be dragged into any of the mind games. Not easy.

Absolutely usual at this age and for several years to come IME.

There's really nothing she can do. If her friends want to dump her for Miss P then they will do so, and the more clingy and desperate she looks the worse it will be.

I think you've given her good advice - to sit with them all and to build up joint experiences out of school (the sleepover and so on).

But I would also make sure that you are not attaching more significance to this than it deserves, because that will validate DDs worries and confirm to her that this is a huge important issue. It is likely that she will experience many more friendship issues yet, and she needs the resilience and confidence and perspective to deal with these as they arise.

Furthermore I would be advising her to make sure she is being friendly and kind to this girl - if Miss P isn't nice then DD should retain the moral high ground, but then it is always possible that she is a lovely girl trying hard to break into a new group and feeling negative vibes from your DD.

Yes I've told dd to always be nice to Miss P. Reminded her that people generally like talking about themselves more than listening to others so told her to try and ask questions about Miss P to try and get a conversation going, etc.

I won't ask dd about how it's gone today when she gets home. Will wait to see if she wants to talk to me about it. You're right I don't want to make a big deal out of it.

Thanks both of you.

I'm not sure actually about being nice to Miss Popular.

Sometimes the Queen Bee will see that as a sign of weakness and continue attacking... But it does allow your DD to be seen as the innocent party by the other girls.
If they have half a conscience, that should mean something.
I agree though that the sleepover is a good idea.

Miss P isn't coming to the sleepover btw. I did think about asking dd what she thought about inviting her...

I reckon it would go one of two ways, either she and dd would get on OK and things would improve. Or dd would spend her sleepover feeling shoved out.

Viva I feel your pain. I have 4 girls and friendships are very fickle. My eldest is 16 and has come through the 'she is being mean to me' chant. However, my other 3 are still going through it all and my ears are sore from hearing the daily drama about who has fallen out with who.

If she follows them around to a table she isn't wanted at they will see her as sad and pathetic - she needs to concentrate on expanding her friendship circles, join some of the school clubs etc.

Teenage girl politics are harsh.

what about me is a fantastic book for getting inside the mind of teenage girls