12 year old son - no friends at all

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Hi - my 12 year old son has absolutely no friends at all. He has had a tough time at school but that has been sorted though obviously bullies are always round the corner. Of course when he is home he does absolutely nothing and is angry and frustrated and does the minimum school work and plays no sport at all. It is driving me mad as he needs to socialise and I know he would like to but he as no clue how to "get on" with his peer group and fit in. Consequently holidays are a nightmare. As it is always me around him (unhealthy for all !) - any suggestions ?

Aroundtheworldandback, I should qualify some of my earlier comments, particularly with regards to the improvement of my social life when I started sixth form.

Around about that time (when I was 16 going on for 17) I began to feel that I wanted to change really keenly. Prior to that, I didn't like the fact that I was friendless but equally I was somewhat comfortable in my situation and therefore did little to 'change'. When I began to make a real effort my life got a lot better. My parents were also kind enough to pay for a counsellor and having someone to talk through things with was absolutely invaluable, I'll forever be grateful to them for that. This helped me channel my desire to make friends and build a social life productively and I did it to some success. My character hasn't really changed, but my life certainly has. My point, I suppose, is that a change of environment doesn't necessarily change everything. Peoples relationships are determined by their behaviour as much as that of others. I expect that if I had entered sixth form without the determination to make friends, I wouldn't have sought the help and support that I did and my present situation could well be very different.

That said, your Son's situation sounds somewhat different. He started off in Primary school as a popular and sociable child and has since encountered social difficulties in that his friendship group has dissipated and he hasn't met anyone else in Secondary school. It seems he has made continual efforts to remain in contact. Being somewhat older than him I'd say this. Between the ages of 14 and 21 you change massively as a person. I think, as you progress through puberty you mature into yourself and become more accepting of your character. This can mean that the friendships you make in youth become less relevant whilst more meaningful ones take their place. A fresh start in Sixth Form will help this and do him a lot of good.

I wish him (and you) the very best of luck.

Iforde04, you at 16 sounded so much like my son ; accepting, almost comfortable with his situation. When you say that as you mature you become more accepting of your character, one could also say that one's life experiences mould one's character and therefore who you become. I do believe we are born with unique character traits, but what happens to us along the way also shapes us.

I am 46 and still not accepting of my character; there are things I wish I could change but perhaps when you are younger it's easier.

Thanks once again for sharing your experience because it really has given me hope. Best wishes.

This is what I’m going through now . I could have wrote this !!
I’m having the same issue with my son did you find anything to help

Hi I just wanted to say thank you this has given me a lot of hope for my 12 year old son.

Gosh,maybe it's something about being 12 and a boy as I'm having similar concern!

This is my son now finding it extremely difficult