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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

A second opinion from parents of rural teens please?

43 replies

yourlittlesecret · 28/02/2014 21:57

DS1 is 18. He can drive and borrows my car sometimes.
We live in village A.
His new GF lives in village C which is 15 miles away.
They went to the cinema a couple of weeks ago in town B half way between. He picked her up and took her home afterwards. Now he wants to do it again. Says she can get a lift there but not home.
My feeling is that it is not his responsibility to arrange transport for her. If it were the other way round he would not expect her or her parents to drive him home in the opposite direction to where they live.
There really is no public transport.

AIBU really?

OP posts:

BlueSkySunnyDay · 01/03/2014 09:56

I guess, having had parents with no disposable income, I'm used to paying my own way from teens. Obviously if you can afford the fuel that's not an issue.

KatieScarlett2833 · 01/03/2014 09:58

Oh my two always offer to pay for petrol unless DH and I are ferrying them about they know it's unfair for their friends to take the financial hit.

lanbro · 01/03/2014 10:01

When I was 17 but hadn't passed my test my bf drove out of the town he lived in, where our school was, and out to our village 4 miles away to pick me up, then took me home again at the end of the day. It's what teenage boyfriends do for their girlfriends isn't it?! YABU!

cory · 01/03/2014 10:23

If you can't afford the petrol then say so or make him pay for it.

But when it comes to the details of their relationship I think you are over-involved and verging on controlling. They are young adults: it is for them to decide on what lines they are going to set up their relationship, you don't get to watch it to make sure they do it properly.

And as a previous poster said, this is unlikely to be about gender roles: far more likely to be about young lovers wanting to enjoy uninterrupted time together in a private space. A car is a great place for intimate conversations. My betting is, if it was her driving, they would still want to have this time together rather than have him driven there and picked up by mummy and daddy.

Original poster

yourlittlesecret · 01/03/2014 10:26

Yes it's a whole new area of parental worry, the teenage boy driver. I didn't let him take any passengers for the first few months but he has proved to be a careful driver. At least two of his year group had big accidents in their first week of driving.
He is named driver on my car so only has limited use of it. I suppose I should ask him for petrol money but I haven't done so far.....

OP posts:

ggirl · 01/03/2014 10:27

It's al about the snogging

Bonsoir · 01/03/2014 11:09

and the blow jobs

KatieScarlett2833 · 01/03/2014 11:10

and the inner knee friction burns

Bonsoir · 01/03/2014 11:22

This is why urban living is infinitely preferable with teens. Public transport does not offer the same opportunities.

Newyearchanger · 01/03/2014 14:23

Ds is driven around by his gf ...she picks him up .

Lottiedoubtie · 01/03/2014 14:39

Ah such naivety Bonsoir

Bonsoir · 01/03/2014 14:44

It's from a very scientific comparison of my rural teenage years and DP's urban teenage years. He is both and and I haven't told him anything half!

cupoftchai · 01/03/2014 14:51

Start charging him for petrol though op. especially if he is giving friends lifts too. Work out price per mile. Not realistic for him not to pay!

If u r feeling soft u could subsidise but make sure he knows this.
Suburban car-borrowing teen who still borrowed my Mum's till last year speaking!

MrsCampbellBlack · 01/03/2014 14:54

[Plans move back into town for the teenage years]

And I agree yourlittlesecret - sounds like you have a lovely son.

Nocomet · 01/03/2014 15:00

Sort out milage and butt out unless you need the car.

Surely if you have lived in the country for any length of time you have learnt to suck up a lot of driving, taxiing children and lift arrangements that aren't 'fair'

But be warned, because my DD gave me his old car to take to university he gained a DSIL beforeI finished my degree. Giving people lifts can have life long consequences

Original poster

yourlittlesecret · 01/03/2014 16:06

Oh I have told him he can have the car.
Part of the problem was that he just asked me vaguely last week and I said I thought it was a long way and he should arrange to meet her there.

Next thing I knew he told me it was cancelled because she couldn't get a lift. He never argues or questions what I say yes he really is a teenager he should have come back to me and asked me to reconsider instead of abandoning plans.

On the subject of living in the sticks. It's perfect for children up to around 14/15. Then I feel it starts to limit their freedom but you always know where they are. A good size village can have a good social life but we are in too small a place.

OP posts:

madeofkent · 04/03/2014 15:37

We live in the sticks, too. DS passed his test but was determined not to become a taxi, which meant lots of camping in gardens and staying overnight. Some of his friends live a whole county away. There are definitely some advantages for those living in the town but I am so grateful that he had a longer childhood, not wandering around the shops at 13, not smoking, not slipping into clubs at 14. The parental taxiing is a bit of a nightmare, and then of course comes the worry about them being out late at night driving drunken friends home. Until they went to Uni, he and his friends took turns, and his girlfriend had a car so she picked him up as often as he picked her up. The cost of petrol is a whole other problem. I want DS to save up for his own car (he does earn some money) but he seems to be more intent on spending it on travelling.

NigellasDealer · 04/03/2014 15:39

yes he should drive her home!
(deep country here, so see the situation)
and if you lived in the city he should see her home too, never mind being a 'feminist'!

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