Why has dd become so nasty?

[Dancergirl]

Oldest dd is 12, 13 in May (Year 8). She's always been lovely, a really easy child, well behaved, a pleasure to have around.

But I've noticed a real change in her attitude lately. She's starting to find lots of things annoying, people's eating habits, the way they breathe/sniff etc and commenting on it. She's always been close to her next youngest sister (21 months younger) but I've noticed her making nasty comments to her and throwing her weight around. Dd2 adores her older sister and gets very hurt with her comments. Dd1 says dd2 is being 'annoying', certain things she often says or does.

I made the point to dd1 that we ALL have annoying habits, herself included, but it's not good manners to constantly point them out.

Meanwhile dd2 gets upset and complains to me that dd1 is being mean. I know a lot of it is probably hormones (dd1 started her periods a year ago) and I suppose normal teen stuff.

But how much do you pick them up on attitude/bad manners/nasty comments? I don't want to constantly nag but I also feel it's my job to teach what's acceptable and what's not...

I don't know we have had a zero tolerance policy on nasty comments since DD2 was 6 and first realised she could upset her older sister.

I guess the trick is to separate them very firmly and very quickly, no need to nag or have a long debate, if a six year old would go to her room knowing exactly what she'd done, a teen certainly knows better.

The trouble is knowing better and resisting the temptation after a long day at school when hormones are making you grumpy is another matter. My two (now 16 & 13 in a few days) are still tempted to argue, but generally stomp of to their respective rooms, without waiting for me to yell "separate rooms Now!"

Not so easy when you're out and about though..?

I took them both to a show yesterday as a treat. Whilst it was MOSTLY ok, dd1 kicked up a fuss after the interval and didn't want to sit next to her sister as her breathing was annoying her She wanted me to sit in the middle but I ignored that and stuck to the original seating plan.

I suppose you should firmly and briskly say something along the lines of 'That's not nice' and not get drawn into any drama or argument.

I give my older DD a good quality supplement for women of child-bearing age. She was fairly grumpy from 12-16 but didn't do tantrums, door-slamming, shouting. I don't think you'd have known when she was pre-menstrual from her mood, so the supplement probably with her moods a bit, IMO.

She's starting to find lots of things annoying, people's eating habits, the way they breathe/sniff etc and commenting on it.

DS1 developed this tendency around the time he turned 13. It is only directed at his younger siblings, not DH or me. I have told him that if he can't think of anything positive to say to his then he needs to keep his thoughts to himself. Now he just sighs.