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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Is punk rock, piercings etc. bad news? What kind of kids?

46 replies

croquet · 05/02/2014 09:39

Hi,
DSD (16) is very into hard punk music and has several piercings, skipping school etc. and smoking. I don't want advice on discipline etc. as I can't do anything about that but I just wanted to know if anyone knows anything general about this scene. Is it mostly really lost kids who will end up failing and on the dole, or is it simply this age's rebellion and like being a hippy/skater was in my day and kids will generally snap out of it and pick up.
It doesn't seem like anyone older than about 18 is into it, which is a good sign.
Any experience?

OP posts:

Travelledtheworld · 05/02/2014 20:16

Black Veil Brides. Very cool. Very Art school.
Will play them all the time to annoy my very straight kids....

Fairylea · 05/02/2014 21:10

:) @ travelled

MoominMammasHandbag · 05/02/2014 22:36

Yes my girls are into screamo.
DD had a late surge on her GCSEs Sticky. Did bugger all for two years and then revised straight out of the revision guides I'd bought her, basically because she had no notes at all.
She got a couple of As, a couple of Cs and mostly Bs, (she'd originally been predicted all As. She's pretty enthused now though, I think she has something to prove. It helps that she's doing subjects she loves and has ditched the maths and science she disliked.

mrsjay · 06/02/2014 09:36

dd was an EMo but after she came out of it she said i was just being mysterious I think if you leave your dd to it then she will come out of it I would be more worried about the skipping school than the music she listens too tbh dont put it hand in hand that is just silly

mrsjay · 06/02/2014 09:37

oh dd is nearly 21, dd2 is into steam punk that is all bit corsetty isnt it

DownstairsMixUp · 06/02/2014 09:43

They might always be that way, liking that sort of music etc but I think she'll grow out of the wanting to appear "wild" I was more a goth/grunger at that age, lots of black and baggy clothing and heavy metal. I think you do it at that age as you want people to "know" that you like that sort of stuff and you think it makes you a bit cool and unique. I stopped at about 18. I still like a lot of the same music and have a lip piercing in and plugs but I dress very "normal" now and have normal hair etc.

mrsjay · 06/02/2014 09:49

dd still likes the music she listened too she has ear thingys still(they are stretched) but they are not dangly, there is nothing wrong in teenagers finding their own style but they do grow out of it a little bit im it is not middle class rebellion, what is that anyway

flow4 · 07/02/2014 10:27

Oh how I wish DS1 had been a punk or emo. Instead he joined the chavs, disengaged from school, took drugs and got arrested. Adidas trackies were the least of my worries.

Seriously, the important thing is their passion, IMO. The kids who are really at risk are the ones who don't care about anything and feel they have nothing to lose. The punks who put lots of energy into their looks and their rebellion can and do transfer that energy onto other things as they grow up. :)

mrsjay · 07/02/2014 10:30

oh flow4 how is he now, settled down I hope

Fwiw I agree with you the kids who put the effort into having a thing are the ones we dont need to worry about

specialsubject · 07/02/2014 10:48

stupid outfits are par for the course and can be ignored.

smoking is obviously bone-headed but isn't an immediate issue. Skipping school IS important. What do you mean, you can't do anything about the discipline? Why is this child turning down the one chance of education?

flow4 · 07/02/2014 12:12

Thank you mrsj, yes, he has settled down: he's doing well on a course he enjoys, has offers coming in for university places, and working part-time in a paid job too. Phew!

DownstairsMixUp · 07/02/2014 12:27

flow4 are you my Mil?! My mil said the exact same thing about my DP when he was a teen. He was, I guess, a "chav" lots of gold jewellery, tracksuits, drugs, always getting arrested, MIL said she wished he was "one of those emos or something!"

Original poster

croquet · 07/02/2014 12:33

lol.
special I don't have any control as I'm only her dad's partner, and she doesn't live with us, and is old enough to refuse lifestyle suggestions!

OP posts:

mrsjay · 07/02/2014 12:55

Thank you mrsj, yes, he has settled down: he's doing well on a course he enjoys, has offers coming in for university places, and working part-time in a paid job too. Phew!

flow4 · 07/02/2014 14:47

Downstairs, unless DS1 (18) has a secret wife, I can guarantee I'm not your MIL!

notquiteruralbliss · 15/02/2014 23:48

Worry. OP, I really wouldn't worry. My 17yo has always been more of the 'trackside bottoms and gold chains' persuasion though she does have tats and piercings. She is hardworking, has secured a good job and seems to be on track for a career doing something she loves.

RhondaJean · 16/02/2014 00:03

Ha yes this is the stuff my 14 yo is into, I keep telling her what a disappointment she is to me because she actually has an iron maiden hoodie (it's a joke before I get slated and she knows) I don't worry at all abut her and her friends who are all rather mc and posher than us! They hang around the bowling alley and the only time we disagree is when I can't stand any more top volume screamo music that day.

For the record I don't let her get piercings etc, not yet, but she's a top student, just had excellent report and parents night, always at prize giving with her, very focused, very creative, and aiming to study sciences at uni.

I was a proper goth myself back in the day, I'd far rather she was expressing herself and investigating alternative cultures rather than wearing teeny dresses and drinking on the streets like the little princesses from her year at school are.

RhondaJean · 16/02/2014 00:05

Oh travelled black veil brides are so SCENE don't you know anything!

PrincessTeacake · 16/02/2014 18:03

Sounds like about 90% of my social circle. They are, for the most part, very well-adjusted people with good jobs. My partner listens to the most ear-bleedingly awful screamo and hasn't worn a colour brighter than dark grey in years, but he willingly dropped everything to spend three days with me at the My Little Pony expo and only complained once.

Also, I skipped a LOT of school. For the most part I turned out ok.

SlowlorisIncognito · 16/02/2014 18:43

It is probably just middle class rebellion. On the other hand, two of the goth/emo kids I knew at school ended up heavily involved in drugs and ultimately arrested for dealing. Most of the others did well and went to university, some are more successful than others.

I don't think you can tell how someone is going to turn out from the clothes they wear. The skipping school is more of a concern, and drugs can be too. You need to look at her behaviour and that of her friends, rather than just looking at how they dress.

musicposy · 16/02/2014 20:22

Yes, DD2 14 is into this kind of stuff. I think it's a rebellion against us and also DD1 who is girly and wears anything that sparkles! DD2 won't touch anything pretty or pink/ girly with a bargepole, mainly being clad from head to toe in black, with part blue hair, and has a very arty/ manga punk kind of style. Amusingly, for someone who thinks she is so unique, she has a whole group of friends (mainly boys, actually) who all look exactly like her! It seems very unisex which I think is better than if she was wearing skimpy skirts and low cut crop tops. I have not allowed piercings or tattoos. They all do all kinds of weird things with their hair and I don't care about that, it'll grow back a normal colour and style when she one day wants to be a proper sensible grown up .

Like Rhonda's DD, she is very focused on going to a good university to study science, so I don't feel the need to worry too much yet :)

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