Depressed teen and unsupportive DH

[mummytofour]

My daughter is 16 and very depressed. she has been seen by CAHMS for an eating disorder but found they didn't help. She is so angry and upset all the time, hardly eats and can't sleep. She can't cope with the stress of GCSE'S and is refusing school some days. Today my DH took her phone because she called him the C word and refused school. He then pulled her out of bed shouting at her. I screamed at him to stop because he has punched her arm before.She then attacked me, she squeezed my face hard and pushed me into a door. She said she was going to kill herself and had a plan so I took her to the GP who has since again reffered her to CAHMS. she doesn't want to talk she wants tablets but he said she us too young.
I have a problem with how my DH is dealing with this, he either ignores everything involving her saying he's washed his hands of her ( she tells him to die quite often and is horrible to her 3 younger siblings) or he goes mental shouting in her face telling her she is a waste of space and she should leave.
he says its my fault as I have been too soft on her. she is disruptive rude and making all of our lives miserable but to me she needs help. it is frustrating that she refuses it and says she is fine. Today I told DH I want him to leave as he is not helping the situation
what can I do to get him to help support us both without getting so angry?

I'm afraid you can't get him to be supportive, it has to come from him, and he sounds pretty abusive pulling her around and shouting in her face but also she can't be allowed to physically attack you like that.

I think you should see another GP - it's not acceptable or correct to say she is too young for anti-depressants, they can be a life-saver short-term. I would either see another GP at the practice or go to another surgery. If the medication can help to take the edge off her depressive symptoms she might be able to benefit more from CAHMS long-term.

It may be that a CAHMS doctor will feel more confident about prescribing AD's than a GP, because they will be able to provide the monitoring around them.

In my dd's case, CAHMS held out until she had turned 16 and had been using their therapy steadily for a year without improvement; basically they needed to see that they had tried everything else first. I think you need to explain to your dd that the quickest way she can be helped is by cooperating and that nobody will be able to prescribe tablets without talking to her to work out a longterm programme for her recovery.

Another man who likes to fix things when they are broken? They get totally baffled when they can't. Frustrated, cross, shouty. And that really doesn't work with adolescents. I live with one of those 'fix it' men. He has wonderful patience with the older folk he works with but no time for DD13, and doesn't get the idea that 'trying to win' is pointless since teenage girls just love a good confrontational row.

Hi op

I know easier said than done but he needs to leave, he is the catalyst and the problem, she needs head space and he isn't going to give her any she can't begin to deal if she's being emotionally abused by her father.

There's only so much CAMH can do, but they can't fight against him which is what she is doing all by herself .

She's has 3 younger sibs that's hard
She has him as a constant aggressor in her eyes and probably yours too if your honest
She does not have anyone's undivided attention which she needs at the moment she needs to see someone back her up
As hard is this is to read I'm sure.. She needs you to take the action she can't. She doesn't feel safe at home and that's the one place she needs to call a sanctuary

She dealing with hormones, anger, school and worst of all home this isn't about you or him it's her and for a while it needs to be that way. If you can't back her up she has no where else to turn or trust and that's a shit and scary place to be, that's why teens do self harm and in some cases suicide.