When to have boundaries

[F5689]

I have a DD who is 13, nearly 14, she thinks I am too controlling but Inthink I set reasonably boundaries. Her favourite thing to complain about is her bedtime- I think she should be in bed at 9:30 but I tell her 10:00. She views this as too early and says her friends are allowed to go to bed much later, admittedly she does not go too sleep until much later (11:30ish) I think because she is always very wide awake in evening and at night sponsors not fall asleep till very tired. I'm asking when should I make her go to bed ?

DD2 almost 13 has asked to be chased to bed at 10.30 as it makes her less grumpy. Far more like 11 to night because DD1 went and had a shower first.

DD1 would have gone up about 10.30, but not turned her light out until 12. Exactly like me at her age, nose in book until DDad came to the loo.

Only as an adult have I twigged that DDad came up the hall dead on midnight deliberately

DD1(16) now goes to sleep between 10-11, GCSEs are hard work.

My dd was like that at that age. She wanted to try and stay up as late as possible. She is 16 now and is usually asleep by 9.30 - 10 during the week as she is so tired. Weekends are a different matter though!

They see being up late as cool and going to sleep at a sensible time as boring and babyish. Then they go to school and 'complain' about how tired they are because they were awake so late the previous night.

My 17YO has only recently begun to keep slightly more sensible hours but she still likes to post pics on instagram as late as possible to demonstrate how late up she is.

Apparently teenagers' brains don't make melatonin until later in the evening than when they were younger.

I strongly suspect that most teens need much more exercise than they get so they're phsically tired at the end of the day and ready to sleep. Also a screen curfew. Easier said than done though. Pick your battles and all that sometimes.

My dd being tired at the end of the day is probably in part due to the amount of exercise she does. Monday - gym, Tuesday - netball training, Wednesday - netball match, Thursday - rugby training, Saturday - at work on her feet from 9-4, Sunday - rugby match! I don't know where she finds the energy tbh!

Depends on the child.
My 12 yr old is asked to start heading off to bed between 8 and 8.30, but will commonly be awake still when I go up at around 10.30-11. She is in bed, but not asleep.
My 15yr old often doesn't get into bed until 11 - 11.30, but she is out like a light as soon as she gets into bed. She is also very, very good at getting up in the morning on school days (and any weekend days she needs to). She is also capable of "storing sleep", so, if she doesn't need to be anywhere at the weekend or in the holidays, then she can sleep for 15hours or more.
I think if they are getting up on time and not being lethargic, then you've got less of an argument than if they can't get up in the morning or don't have the energy to do anything.

At that age I would stick with 10pm as a suitable bedtime and make sure She hasn't sneaked a phone or iPad in with her.

As long as they are out of the way and quiet they can start to relax.